


A Wounded Soul

by H_H_Fletcher



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: AU, Angst, Doctors, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, Medical Trauma, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-09-18 09:07:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 72,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9377924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/H_H_Fletcher/pseuds/H_H_Fletcher
Summary: A car accident took her brother and her spark. Will a chance meeting with a stranger bring it back, or only deepen the already hurting wound? AU.





	1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I don’t own The 100, or any song that might feature in my story. References to movies, books, and popular culture in general are not meant to violate any copyrights, only to entertain.

 **Summary:** A car accident took her brother and her spark. Will a chance meeting with a stranger bring it back, or only deepen the already hurting wound? AU.

 **Author’s Note:** So, this is me fessing up to the fact that I’m no technological wiz, and that I’m currently in the progress of re-writing my other story, because no, this idiot didn’t take any backups, and my laptop crashed back in late October. One thing is writing a story, another is re-rewriting it; that takes a heck of a long time – which my work schedule is not really permitting currently. And how exactly do you ask your friends “Hey, so, I haven’t taken a backup of anything on my laptop since I finished grad school in September and I lost the fanfic I was working on. Could you find it?” Long story short: While I’m working on it, I’ve converted one of my old Calzona stories into a Clexa story to make up for it and buy me some time.

So, yeah, if it seems familiar you may have read it as a Calzona fic, but that was back in 2012, so chances are most of you don’t know it =)

I do hope you like it, though! =)

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_Some people call it surrendering. Some call it taking shelter. And sometimes it is simply allowing love to do its worst for the sake of healing. Because the moment you find yourself on your knees, sitting in the broken pieces of your shattered world, you can’t stop that slow, ice-cold burn that spreads through your chest. It will steal your breath. And it just might consume you. No one will ever understand how much it hurts. No one will ever comprehend how much those slow, heart-gripping thumps that beat away at your ribcage become a constant reminder of what was left behind – each beat more heart breaking than the one before. You will learn to live half a life, because the price you pay to mend the agony, the loneliness and the shame that comes with being that lost is steep. It is the ultimate price. Your heart._

 

Lexa’s eyes were closed and her body rested against her faithful companion, sitting stoic by her side. The gentle drizzle that poured down stung at her face and clung to Sailor’s fur, but the peace that surrounded them as they waited for the early morning sun to rise on the horizon was pure magic. The moment between dawn and sunrise had become her favorite time of day. She found a rare sense of peace in the early hours of the morning and she lived for the tranquility in this fleeting moment of time. The way the dew covered the grass, making it glisten in the early morning light and the sunlight hitting her face, but not with its usual warmth, was heart-stoppingly gorgeous. It made her soul move, and that was better than the numbness that has captured her heart for the past year.

The stillness of the water below her feet was like a calm before the storm. She was raised several feet above it, sitting on the end of a small, private dock that led to her parents’ house. The cold wood under her bottom was slightly damp and she could feel the cold radiate from it, stubbornly trying to force its way through the blanket she was sitting on. But nothing could make her move; no one could take this moment away from her. The sun rising on the sky was as sure as its setting would be, and if there was one thing Lexa knew how to appreciate it was a constant thing.

Lexa opened her eyes and slowly reached out to place her hand on Sailor’s neck, letting her fingers glide through his damp coat. He leaned into her touch for a moment, before the chirping of two small American Robins stole his attention. His ears peaked and his eyes grew large as they followed the two twittering birds flying through the air. She smiled as he barked at them, trying to gain their attention, his tail wagging ever so slightly.

“Ssshh, boy.” Lexa turned her head towards her parents’ house, but no light was on. “We don’t want to wake anyone.”

A whimper left Sailor’s mouth, but he seemed to understand her request and turned quiet, but she could still feel his tail bumping against her back every now and again. Sailor loved the early mornings just as much as Lexa did, although she suspected that he enjoyed the walk that followed more than the beautiful sunrise.

The opening and closing of a squeaking porch door caught her attention, but she didn’t turn her head towards the sound. She knew who it was.

The first couple of times it had happened, another person’s presence had rattled her feathers, and she had felt somewhat intruded upon, being interrupted in this private moment, but she found herself paying less and less attention to the man always watching from a distance. His name was Victor, an older man in his late eighties, who had moved up north four years ago. Why he chose Castine, Maine as his place of retirement, instead of sunny Miami, she had no idea, but he seemed like a bit of a loner and Lexa could understand the need to be alone. She felt it every day.

Victor never spoke to her, at least not on these occasions. He seemed content to watch the sunrise without having the need for small talk interrupt the fragile serenity that enfolded them.

The changing of the sky slowly started to break through, bathing the horizon in the deep colors of twilight. It was enough to make Lexa hold her breath. The weak sunlight spilled over the top of the water’s edge in the far distance, casting a growing beam of light across the bay. She watched as it grew longer and wider, until the moment the sun rose above the horizon and a blaze of light lit up the landscape in front of her, setting the sea on fire.

“Pretty awesome, huh, Sailor?” she whispered, her hand now completely still on his neck.

She allowed herself a moment to watch the sun rise fully above the edge of the water, before she stood up. This was the part that caused her the most grief, and every day she desperately wished for Victor to disappear as she got to her feet, but no such luck. He was always there, and even though his eyes were turned towards the sunrise, she had a suspicion that he was watching her through the corner of his eye. She always felt like she was being watched, and it felt humiliating. As if the pain wasn’t enough, she also had to deal with the constant eyes that wouldn’t leave her alone no matter where she went. She knew most of it was probably in her head, but it didn’t dent the anger that rose whenever she felt people’s sympathetic stares.

“Let’s go.” Sailor rose and waited for Lexa to take the first step. She chanced a glance in her neighbor’s direction, before she moved.

Winter was coming, and even though it was early in the fall the cold was enough to shoot pains through her leg. Lexa grimaced when she placed her weight on her bad leg. The first couple of steps would be the hardest. She just had to get going and she would be fine. Sailor nudged her and she patted his head, drawing in a breath before taking a step forward. It wasn’t as bad as she had feared, but it wasn’t pleasant either. One step turned into two, and by the time she reached the rocky shore she was almost back to normal. She couldn’t shake the small limp that seemed a little too permanent for her liking, but if she just walked carefully enough, no one would notice it if they weren’t paying direct attention to her.

“Good morning, dear.” Her mother’s voice welcomed her when she stepped through the back door, and Sailor ran ahead to greet Indra. She bent down to his level, giving the German Shepherd a kiss on the head. “Good morning to you, too, old boy.”

Indra straightened and took the coffee mug on the counter, offering it to Lexa. “Here you go.”

“Thanks.” The mug was warm between her cold hands, and she instinctively gripped it a little harder, trying to transfer some of the warmth to her frosty fingers.

“Are you headed into town?” Indra took a sip of her own mug. Her coffee was darker and stronger than Lexa’s who preferred a splash of milk.

Lexa nodded her head, wincing when the piping hot liquid burned her tongue.

“Do you want me to give you a lift? I need to go to the post office anyway.”

“No, that’s okay,” Lexa said. “I’d like to walk.”

“Lexa,” Indra started to argue, but the cold determination in her daughter’s eyes halted her argument. “Fine, but stick to the roads, please. I don’t want you slipping on any rocks…”

“I’m a grown woman, mom.” Lexa’s voice was harsher than she intended, but if there was one thing that could ignite Lexa’s fuse it was the feeling of being handled. Putting down the mug in the kitchen sink Lexa moved to grab Sailor’s leash. “I don’t need any advice on where I can and cannot walk.”

Indra pursed her lips, watching her daughter with a stern expression. One Lexa avoided like the plague. She knew her mother was upset by her tone, but lately Lexa had been having a harder time trying to quell her anger. It had almost been a year and despite amazing physical progress it wasn’t enough for her. Lexa was a person that strived for perfection and the fact that she seemed to be fighting a losing battle was frustrating beyond belief. Perfection was out of reach and for once in her life there wasn’t anything she could do to change that.

“I’ll be back later.” The words were said without any eye contact, and Lexa had Sailor on his leash and was out the door, before Indra could get another word in.

The drizzle was still pouring down, and Lexa pulled the hood of her jacket up over her head and took a good grip on Sailor’s leash, before they made their way down the street. The last thing she needed was to get sick.

“Lexa!” She heard someone call from behind her. “Hi, Lexa, wait up.”

She turned to find Anya come running towards her, decked out in tight-fitting running gear. Jealousy flared in the bottom of her stomach at the ease with which Anya moved. It made her long for the days where her mornings consisted of a quick run followed by a hot shower to appease the sore muscles. It seemed like eternities ago.

“Run, Forrest, run,” Lexa yelled and waited for Anya to get closer before continuing. “Stop, Forrest, stop.”

“Oh shut up, you big dork,” Anya laughed, pulling Lexa into a tight hug. Lexa grinned and returned the hug. Her best friend always had a way of making her day just a little less horrible. “Where are you going?”

“Into town. I have a few things I need to pick up.” Lexa released Anya from her arms, taking a step back.

“Want some company?” Anya asked, looking hopeful. 

“Don’t you have another mile left?” Lexa teased.

“I’m not feeling it today,” Anya admitted. She took Sailor’s leash from Lexa’s hand and swung her other arm around Lexa’s shoulders, giving her a hard squeeze. “And spending the morning with you sounds more fun anyway.”

“Flattery will get you everywhere.” The grin on Anya’s face was matched by that of her own. Things with Anya were easy, almost normal. She had no need for hiding her emotions around her best friend, and sometimes that was more of a curse than a blessing. 

“So will doughnuts.” The light in Lexa’s eyes at the mention of her favorite pastry quickened her speed a fraction. “My treat.”

Lexa noticed Anya’s eyes giving her a once over, and she cleared her throat, all of a sudden self-conscious. “What?”

Anya ducked her head. “It’s nothing.”

Lexa moved out of Anya’s one-armed embrace, putting a little distance between them. “No, tell me.”

She could see the doubt flash across Anya’s face, and Lexa’s expression hardened. Anya caved. “You look good this morning. Not as stiff as last week.”

Lexa stopped moving, crossing her arms. “Is that your professional opinion?”

“Lexa,” Anya sighed. This was exactly what she didn’t want. “It was just an observation.”

Anya saw the flash of anger that shot towards her and tried to backtrack, “…a compliment.”

It was too late.

“I don’t need you observing me, Anya,” Lexa snapped. “That’s what the doctors are for, and frankly, I am sick of having people observe me and my so called progress. I’m a goddamn cripple and it looks like I always will be! My leg will never be completely normal again, do you hear me? Never! But I swear to God if you don’t stop trying to…to… observe! I will seriously blow a gasket. You of all people don’t get to observe. If you start pitying me this friendship is over.”

“Whoa,” Anya said, holding up a hand. “This isn’t pity. You are my best friend and there is a big difference between pity and concern. Seriously, what crawled up your ass and died this morning?”

“Maybe you did.” She hadn’t meant to go off on Anya, but there didn’t seem to be a way to stop it. “Maybe my mother and her excessive overprotectiveness did or maybe that driver who smashed into the side of my car a year ago did. The list of possibilities is endless.”

At the mention of the accident Anya’s mood softened. “Lexa…”

“No, you know what?” The hurt and the anger had a straight line towards its target and at the moment Anya was the one with a bull’s eye on her chest. “Isn’t it about time you go back to the desert or something?”

“Lexa.” This time Anya’s voice was far from soft and understanding and the steel that formed in her eyes would have been enough to throw anyone off course.

“You are supposed to be G.I. Jane! Not Nurse Kellye. Aren’t you getting sick of being stuck in this God forsaken hell hole?” Lexa ranted completely unaware of her earlier comment. “I don’t need a goddamn babysitter!”

“If you are that sick of this place, why don’t you get out?” Anya asked, raising her voice and stepping closer to the shorter brunette. “Huh? Why don’t you pack a bag and move out of your parents’ house and go back to Maryland to finish what you started? If you don’t go back to Johns Hopkins after Christmas you’ll have to start looking for a job somewhere else and your dream attending position will be gone. Is that what you want? To have another thing taken from you?”

Lexa looked like she had been slapped.

“You are not…” Lexa’s cheeks were red hot with anger and shame, and she couldn’t quite seem to make the words fall into line to conjure a proper comeback; her mouth was drier than cotton.

“What?” Anya pressed. “I’m not being fair? Well guess what? Life isn’t.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” Lexa hissed. “If anyone knows that it is me.”

Their heated words had set Sailor on edge and he was now pacing back and forth, but Anya kept a firm grip on his leash. The two women stared each other down and Lexa was the first to blink. She blamed her issues with authority. Staring a soldier in the face was a daunting task, especially when met with the angry glare that was edge into Anya’s features.

“This conversation is over,” Anya said. She turned on her heels and strode down the road, aware of the nosy neighbors that seemed to have gathered in every window on Lexa’s street. She took a deep breath and stopped, but she didn’t look back. “You coming or what?”

She heard the footsteps behind her and soon Lexa appeared at her side, a sheepish expression on her face. “Does this mean that I am the one that has to buy the doughnuts today?”

Anya tried to suppress it, but a small smile tugged at her lips. “Shut up, Lexa.”

Lexa bumped her shoulder against Anya’s and they both chuckled.

By the time they reached Castine’s main street people were already out and about. It wasn’t unusual for the town to come alive early on weekend mornings. Lexa saw a few familiar faces and she nodded politely. She noticed Lincoln heading towards them, carrying his fishing pole on his back.

“Good morning, ladies,” Lincoln said, stopping in front of them. “What are you doing out in this weather?”

The drizzle had turned to a steadier and heavier rain.

“Just out for a little walk,” Anya said, and Lexa nodded. “Where is Octavia?”

Lincoln chuckled. “With Raven as always. Echo’s birthday is coming up and Octavia tricked her into helping with the planning. God only knows how. What about Roan?”  
“Sleeping the last time I saw him,” Anya replied. “Not much of an early bird.”

“Smart man.” Lincoln reached down and rubbed the dog pushing against his leg. “Will you ask him to stop by later? Bellamy is coming over to help build the new porch deck, but we could really use the extra set of hands.”

“Of course,” Anya replied with a smile. “I’m sure he would be more than happy to lend a hand.”

“Great. Thank you.” Lincoln turned his attention towards Lexa and his gaze swiftly ran over her body, and if it weren’t for the fact that Lexa was hyper aware of anyone looking at her, she probably would have missed it. “How are you, Lexa?”

“I’m good.” Lexa’s voice was tentative. After her fight with Anya she wasn’t very keen on broaching the subject again this soon.

“I’m guessing the colonel has you on a tight schedule?” Lincoln’s voice was teasing and light-hearted. 

Her dad’s training schedule was well-known throughout town, and if it wasn’t for the fact that she knew it was for her own good, Lexa probably would have manned up and punched her dad in the face months ago. She hadn’t signed up for boot camp when she agreed to let him help her, but she should have known better. Her dad was a marine for better and for worse.

“He has,” Lexa admitted. “I’m scheduled to meet him at the front door at 1600 hours.”

“Military style,” Lincoln grinned. “I like it.”

“Come join us,” Lexa taunted. “I’m sure you won’t be laughing after my dad is through with you.”

“Oh no.” Lincoln held up his hands, surrendering immediately. “I still remember the day your dad taught our gym class. I’m pretty sure I was seconds from passing out.”

“That was rather traumatizing, wasn’t it?” The memory made the two women chuckle and Lincoln nodded in agreement.

The sound of a car door slamming pulled them out of their conversation and their heads turned in the direction of the sound. A woman stepped out; a phone pressed to her ear and words were flying from her mouth at breakneck-speed. She sounded upset, and the gestures her hands made suggested the same thing. Lexa couldn’t help but notice the long blonde hair that flowed down her back and the soft curves the woman possessed.

Her eyes met the stranger’s for a split second, and even though the woman’s eyes were covered by dark Ray-Ban shades Lexa was quick to advert her gaze elsewhere.

She tugged on Anya’s sleeve. “We should get going. It’s freezing cold out here.”

They said goodbye to Lincoln and walked to the shop a few buildings down. They passed the big black Range Rover the stranger had stepped out of and Lexa couldn’t help but notice that it was a rental car.

“What do you need?” Anya asked, pushing the door to the store open. A small ding was heard over their heads and Anya grabbed a basket in her hands, but Lexa was quick to reach for it. Since the accident her need for independence had tripled. It wasn’t necessarily a positive trait, but it helped keep her sane.

Lexa’s focus was completely on Anya and she didn’t notice the woman heading her way before it was too late. She heard Anya’s gasp seconds before her body came into contact with the person rounding the corner. Her fingers clutched tightly at the strangers jacket and when Lexa’s back met the hard floor of the store the woman landed on top of her, knocking the wind out of her.

“Oh shit,” the woman above her grunted, but Lexa had a hard time concentrating on the words falling out of the woman’s mouth. Sharp pain was shooting up her leg and tears stung at her eyes, but the woman didn’t seem to notice. “This is just…so not my day.”

Through the blur of her tears she saw Anya grab the back of the woman’s jacket and haul her off her. “Don’t you watch where you are going?”

“I’m sorry.” The woman eyes landed on Lexa and this time she saw the pained expression on Lexa’s face. “Hi, are you okay? Did I hurt you?”

Anya bent down and helped Lexa into a sitting position, careful not to jostle her bad leg. When she spoke to Lexa her voice was low enough so only she would hear. “Are you okay?”

Lexa tried to stretch her leg, and had to bite down hard on her lip to keep from whimpering when her muscles protested against the movement. She had wanted to hide her pain from the beautiful stranger, but the woman had seen right through her. It only humiliated Lexa further and she tried desperately to keep her eyes anywhere but on the woman’s face.

“May I take a look?” Anya lifted her eyes to the stranger and sent her a hard glare.

“I think you’ve done enough.”

The woman closed her eyes for a brief second, a little bit of irritation showing through. “Look, I know I’m not exactly your favorite person right now, but I’m a surgeon. Let me take a look. It looks like your friend is in a lot of pain.”

Lexa’s ears peaked at the woman’s admission. Another doctor – lovely.

“We can handle this,” Anya promised, placing a gentle hand on Lexa’s shoulder. “We are surgeons, too.”

“Orthopedic surgeons?” The woman asked.

Anya faltered for a second. “Well, no… but.”

“Then I think I should be the one to take a look, since I am.” The woman bent down and placed her bag next to her. 

Lexa took a heaving breath, forcing air into her lungs. She did not need the pretty doctor to examine her leg in the middle of a grocery aisle, not matter how much her leg was hurting. When she felt fingertips pressing gently above the knee on her injured leg her eyes snapped to the woman in front of her, and panic seized her. No one touched her leg. No one.

“Don’t,” Lexa whispered, trying to move away from the unwelcomed touch. “Don’t, don’t, don’t.”

“It’s okay.” The woman smiled, not sensing the seriousness of Lexa’s pleads. “I’m just going to take a quick look.”

“No!” The hoarseness of Lexa’s voice was enough to make the woman stop and drop her hands at her sides. The blue orbs staring back at Lexa’s were warm and full of concern, but Lexa couldn’t sense it through the cloud of panic that had settled on her brain. “Don’t touch it.”

“Look you are in pain and someone should seriously take a look at it. It may as well be me,” the blonde said. “I promise I’ll be gentle.”

Anya, who was more in tune with Lexa’s emotions, picked up on her discomfort. “She said no, so let it go.”

This time the stranger lost her patience and her head snapped to Anya. “Seriously, what is your problem?”

“Clumsy blondes who knock my best friend to the ground,” Anya said, not one for backing down. “That’s my problem right now.”

The woman chuckled disbelievingly and shook her head. “Oh, wow.”

“We’ll take care of it,” Anya said, watching the other woman rise to her feet. “Please, just go.”

“Fine, if you want to let her suffer then be my guest. See if I care.” The woman took one last look at Lexa, who was still sitting on the floor, but Lexa’s eyes shot to the ground, desperately wishing for the ground to open up and swallow her before she had another chance to embarrass herself in front of the beautiful woman.  
It was only the hurried footsteps that alerted Lexa to the woman’s departure. She reached out and grabbed Anya’s arm.

“Help me up, please.” Anya didn’t say anything. Instead she went behind Lexa and placed both hands under Lexa’s arms and lifted her back on her feet. “Thanks.”

“Can you stand on it?”

Lexa gently placed her weight back on both feet, doing her best to ignore the throbbing pain racing up and down her thigh. “Yeah, yeah… I think so.”

“Maybe we should get you checked out or something. It couldn’t hurt.” Anya’s concern was plain for Lexa to see, but she shook her head. “Lexa, come on. It would make me feel better.”

Lexa sniggered. “You just sent away an orthopedic surgeon.”

“She was annoying me,” Anya said unapologetically, smiling when she saw a hint of amusement cross Lexa’s features. “But maybe I should go get her. She can’t have gotten that far.” Anya made to move towards the door, but Lexa grabbed the back of her running-jacket.

“No, don’t!” Lexa said, eyes widening. “Seriously, it is fine.”

“Lexa, don’t bitch at me for saying this, but I can see you struggling.”

Lexa took a deep breath and straightened up, before taking a step towards the cash register. “I’m fine. Let’s just get this over with and go home. I don’t need the hot Ortho doctor looking at my ugly leg. I’d like to see the shred of dignity that I have remain intact.”

Anya sighed, but followed Lexa after grabbing the basket with Lexa’s groceries. Lexa’s annoyance filled the air with tension and Anya badly wanted to ease it.

“So…” Anya’s voice was casual. “You thought she was hot?”

“Zip it, Anya,” Lexa grumbled, and Anya laughed.

By the time Anya got her back home the rain had stopped and the sun was slowly beginning to peak through the grey clouds that had been hanging over the town for most of the morning. Lexa’s dad was out in front of the house mowing the front lane and Indra was gathering the fallen leaves into big piles, ready to be removed.

“Hi girls,” Indra said, stopping as Anya and Lexa walked up the driveway. That’s when she noticed that Lexa’s limp had gotten worse since the last time she saw her. “Honey, what happened?”

“Nothing. I’m fine…”

“Lexa…” Indra’s voice was low and dangerous.

“It was an accident, mom. No big deal,” Lexa insisted.

“Someone knocked her over at the grocery store,” Anya supplied. She was still watching Lexa like a hawk, making sure she didn’t slip on the wet gravel. She knew how unsteady Lexa got when her leg was hurting. 

“By accident,” Lexa was quick to add once again. “Let’s just move on with our lives, shall we?”

Lexa let Sailor off his leash, and he ran towards Gustus who absentmindedly petted the dog’s head, while continuing to mow the lawn.

Indra sighed. “Honey, why don’t you go lie down? Victor just called and invited us to Joe’s tonight.”

“What’s tonight?” Lexa asked.

“His birthday,” her mother replied, and Lexa frowned.

“But he never celebrates his birthday?” 

Not once in the four years the older man had lived next to them had they celebrated his birthday. Sure, her mother had brought him a cake every year, but he had never asked anyone to celebrate it with him. Lexa wasn’t big on birthday’s either, so she could understand his reasoning, but she found his change of attitude a little strange.

“He does now.”

Anya and Lexa shared a look.

“You and Roan are invited too, Anya, so don’t look so smug,” Indra mused.

The defeated look on Anya’s face made Lexa smirk.

“I guess I’ll see you tonight.” Lexa winked at Anya, before giving her a hug. 

Anya chuckled. “Not if I see you first.”

The party wasn’t set to start until 9pm, but when Lexa arrived with her parents the sun had set and the lights from inside the bar lit up the dark street outside. She was quick to spot Roan among the masses that had gathered at Joe’s to celebrate Victor’s birthday and made her way towards him. He was holding two glasses of wine in his hands, and he lifted one in acknowledgement when he saw her walking towards him. Lexa had always liked Roan and she was glad that Anya had finally found someone to settle down with after returning from Iraq.

“Hey, Roan,” Lexa greeted cheerfully. “Good to see you.”

“You, too,” Roan said politely. “I heard you were the one who hijacked my girlfriend from her run this morning.”

“Guilty as charged,” Lexa admitted. “We went grocery shopping. How did it go at Lincoln’s?”

Roan laughed, taking a sip of his own wine. “Let’s just say they shouldn’t place anything round on their new deck, because it is going to roll off faster than Bullwinkle going downhill in a snowball.”

Both Lexa and Roan were laughing when Anya walked up.

“What’s so funny?”

“Oh, we were just talking about the men’s carpentry abilities. It doesn’t look like their future in that business is all that bright.”

Anya smiled and kissed her boyfriend on the cheek.

“Excuse me.” They heard someone yell over the noise. “Excuse me. May I have everyone’s attention place?”

All eyes in the room turned to Victor. Joe gestured for Bellamy to cut the music, and he quickly pulled the plug out of the jukebox.

“I just wanted to thank everyone for coming and say thank you for all the thoughtful gifts. Now, I know I don’t normally celebrate this day, but today is a special occasion. My granddaughter happens to be in town, and I’d like you all to meet her.” Victor took a step aside to reveal his granddaughter who had been sitting on a stool behind him the whole time.

Lexa’s breath caught in her throat when she saw whom it was.

“Clarke, will you do us the honor of gracing us with a song.” Victor was one big smile as he looked expectantly at the woman who was smiling back at him.

“Pops, no.” The woman shook her head, but the dazzling smile on her face was enough to blind Lexa. “You know I’m not doing it.”

However, it wasn’t enough to make Victor change his mind.

“Nonsense,” Victor scolded in a gentle tone. He took the red wine out her hand, and pulled her off her stool with his free hand. “Do it as a birthday present to me. You want to keep your pops happy, don’t you?”

A few people in the room chuckled, and Clarke smiled sheepishly.

“Fine.” Clarke squeezed her grandfather’s hand. “Which one do you want me to sing?”

“You know which one,” Victor said confidently.

Lexa and the rest of the people at Joe’s watched as Clarke took a seat at the piano. Lexa wouldn’t have pegged her as the nervous kind, not after their run-in earlier, but she could clearly see the tremor in Clarke’s hands. Lexa shot Anya a look, and she shrugged, not really knowing what to make of the whole thing. Lexa hadn’t expected the beautiful stranger to be her neighbor’s granddaughter. 

She heard Clarke clear her throat, and watched her rest her fingers gently on the keys, before pressing down and forcing the first note to enter the air.  
“ _Some folks like to get away, take a holiday from the neighborhood. Hop a flight to Miami Beach or to Hollywood, but I’m taking a Greyhound on the Hudson River line. I’m in a New York state of mind,_ ” Clarke sang softly, chancing a glance at the people surrounding her and when her eyes met Lexa’s she almost became derailed for a second. 

Lexa wasn’t sure she was breathing anyone. Her eyes were locked with Clark’s and this time she couldn’t do anything to avert her gaze. Lexa simply couldn’t stop looking at her as Clarke continued her cover of Billy Joel’s classic song.

“ _It comes down to reality and its fine with me cause I’ve let it slide. I don’t care if it’s Chinatown or on Riverside. I don’t have any reasons. I’ve left them all behind. I’m in a New York state of mind._ ”

Lexa found Clarke’s voice miraculous, breathtakingly stunning, and judging by the looks on everyone’s faces, she wasn’t the only one. 

“ _I’m just taking a Greyhound on the Hudson River line. Cause I’m in a…_ ” Clarke took a small pause, allowing a smile to play across her lips. “ _I’m in a New York state of mind._ ”

As the last note died out the bar erupted into cheers, and Lexa grinned stupidly when Clarke blushed and quickly made her way to her grandfather’s side, kissing him gently on the cheek.

“I can see you smiling, you know,” Anya whispered in Lexa’s ear. 

Anya’s words stirred something within Lexa, and for the first time in a long time Lexa felt her heart flutter gently in her chest. A little bit of hope formed inside her. But it was short-lived. She watched Clarke tilt her head back and laugh at something someone said, and it was enough for her heart to drop right back to the bottom of her stomach. Apparently, Clarke was smart, talented and gorgeous. And for the first time in her life Lexa felt completely inadequate. She closed her eyes for a second, willing her feelings to remain below the surface.

Her eyes were closed just long enough to miss the curious glance Clarke threw her way.


	2. Chapter 2

The floorboards squeaked beneath Clarke’s feet. She let out another yawn and rubbed her eyes with the back of her hands. This was too early for Clarke’s liking. In fact, anything before noon was too early, but the sound of the TV blasting downstairs had woken her, and after a futile attempt at falling back asleep she had tossed the covers aside, and made her way towards the culprit who dared disturb her slumber. A slow and painful death was in store for whoever she found. She just hadn’t counted on the person being tiny and cute.

“Uhmm, who are you?” Clarke asked the young boy in her grandfather’s recliner, before picking up the remote and muting the TV.

“I was watching that,” the boy protested, looking less than impressed with the stranger who had interrupted his Sunday morning cartoons.

“And I was sleeping,” Clarke countered.

“Clarke, that is no way to talk to a child.” Victor entered the living room, carrying a stack of pancakes and a glass of milk. “Don’t mind her, Tucker. She is not much of a morning person.”

Victor took the remote control from Clarke’s hand and handed it back to Tucker. “Now, here is your breakfast, son.” He held the plate out of Tucker’s reach for a second. “Remember what we talked about?”

Tucker smiled happily and nodded. “If mommy asks we had oatmeal for breakfast.”

“Good, boy.” Victor winked at him, before placing the plate on a small tray on Tucker’s lap.

“Thanks, Mr. Griffin.”

Clarke watched her grandfather pat Tucker gently on his head, before he stood back up. He smiled at Clarke and motioned for the kitchen with his head. She nodded and followed, leaving Tucker alone with his stack of pancakes and his cartoons. She remembered being treated to her grandfather’s pancakes when she was younger, and they were absolutely delicious. Her and her sister Harper would often sit at the kitchen counter and watch him, as he flipped the pancakes into the air.

“What’s with the kindergartner in there?” Clarke crossed her arms and leaned back against the counter. “Are you running a daycare now?”

Victor shrugged, and pressed the start button on the coffee machine. “I watch him on Sundays, because Luna and Derrick go visit Derrick’s father in Portland, and they don’t want him to have to take the long trips down there every weekend. Tucker is so young and he doesn’t need to spend his day in a hospital room.”

“So what… they dump him here and you two watch cartoons all day?” Clarke’s eyebrows rose. “You don’t even like cartoons.”

“But I like Tucker, and Derrick and Luna are good people.” Her grandfather’s answer was casual, and it made Clarke frown.

Her grandfather had never liked being tied down to one place for too long at a time, and ever since Clarke’s grandmother died twenty years ago, she had lost track of all the places her grandfather had lived in. Not that she blamed him. She got his need for change, and the rush of experiencing new places. But she had always counted on him coming back to Miami when he was done with scouting the frontier of America. To say that she had been shocked to learn that he wasn’t coming back would be an understatement. He liked Castine and he wanted to stay, much to her own father’s great annoyance.

A loud whistle from outside caught her attention and she moved up on her toes to get a better look out the window. She watched as a man in military clothes stood ramrod straight in the middle of the front yard next to her grandfather’s, with a whistle clasped between his lips. A woman was on the ground, doing sit-ups and Clarke couldn’t help but be impressed with the speed of her movement.

“What kind of neighborhood is this?” Clarke mumbled to herself, but Victor heard her and came up next to his granddaughter, placing a hand on her back. “You run a daycare and your neighbor runs a boot camp.”

Victor chuckled. “Oh, that is just the colonel. Don’t mind him.”

“Why is he torturing that poor woman?” Clarke saw the woman turn over onto her stomach, and instantly raise herself up unto her arms, moving on to push-ups instead. Her change in position turned her face in Clarke’s direction and Clarke’s breath caught. She knew who that was.

“It’s a long story,” Victor said with a sigh, squeezing Clarke’s shoulder gently. She saw the sad glint in her grandfather’s eyes, and her eyes darted back to the woman outside the window.

“What’s her name?” Clarke hadn’t meant to ask the question, but there was something about this woman that intrigued her. She remembered her from yesterday. She especially remembered those green eyes. They were very hard to forget.

Her grandfather grabbed two mugs from the top shelf, setting them down next to the coffee pot. “Lexa. She is the colonel’s daughter. She is a surgeon like you.”

“So I heard,” Clarke mused.

“Do you two know each other?”

Clarke cringed at the memory of her first encounter with Lexa. “I ran into her yesterday - literally. I thought her friend was going to kill me with her bare hands. She seemed like the type, you know? The type that could kill you with her pinky if she felt like it.”

Victor shook his head, amused at the serious expression that crossed Clarke’s face. “I’m guessing you met Anya.”

“I didn’t get her name.” The sound of the coffee machine turning off filled the air and Clarke took the pot out, pouring the precious liquid into the two mugs. “She was tall, dark blonde... skinny.”

“That’s her.” Victor opened the fridge and pulled out a carton of milk. “You still want a splash, right?”

Clarke nodded and held out the two mugs, letting her grandfather pour a little milk into each of them. Coffee was without a doubt her guilty pleasure. She was pretty sure that if it wasn’t for coffee she would kill at least one intern before noon on a daily basis. If there was one thing she didn’t like it was new interns, in fact she hated new interns.

Victor took a sip of his coffee. “How is everyone? We barely got a chance to talk yesterday.”

Clarke smiled. “They are good. Dad and mom are busy as always, and now that Harper is lining up to be a partner at mom’s firm everything is just starting to fall into place. Mom couldn’t be happier.”

“And Niylah… how is she?” At the mention of her fiancées’ name, her mood dwindled. “I’m actually a little surprised you didn’t bring her with you.”

“We are kind of on a break.” Clarke admitted trying not to sound too hurt about it. “I’ve gotten a job offer in Seattle. It is a great offer, really great, and there is just no way I can turn it down, but Niylah doesn’t want to leave Miami, so now we are kind of…. stuck.”

“Do you think she will come around?”

Clarke shrugged. “Honestly, I have no idea. I mean, I want her to. Like all I want is for her to change her mind and go with me, but with the way we left things…”

Victor gently placed a hand on Clarke’s cheek. “She’ll come around. Don’t you worry, sweetheart. Miss Hunter never struck me as a fool.”

Clarke closed her eyes and leaned into her grandfather’s touch. “Let’s hope you are right.”

Another loud whistle from outside startled Clarke and she almost spilled her coffee down the front of her black sweatshirt. Clarke chuckled and moved over to the window where she could keep an eye on the two people outside. She watched Lexa do a lunge, but the ease she had earlier was gone. The tremble in Lexa’s legs was hard to ignore and Clarke instantly felt guilty. She hadn’t seen her coming yesterday, not until the front of her body collided with Lexa’s front.

“Are they training for something?” Clarke looked back at Victor who had taken a seat in the small breakfast nook in his kitchen.

Victor glanced up from his newspaper. “Like I said – it is a long story.”

“I’ve got time.” Clarke sat down on the other side of the table, taking a sip of her coffee.

Victor sighed, and closed his newspaper. “She was in an accident about a year ago – car accident. A drunk driver t-boned her at an intersection, and pushed Lexa’s car into oncoming traffic. It was pretty bad. Her car was totaled and she ended up with an open leg fracture, and some internal bleeding. The doctor’s managed to pieces her back together, but…”

Clarke swallowed, suddenly understanding Lexa’s panic when she had suggested that she take a look at her leg. “An open leg fracture can cause a lot of damage to the muscle.”

Her grandfather nodded. “It is the reason why she has a small limp. Most days she is good at hiding it, but with the weather turning colder…”

“Her muscles are getting stiffer.” Clarke knew how it worked. She had seen it in multiple of her patients.

“Mhmm.” Victor moved a hand over his chin, scratching his beard. “The sad part is that she was the lucky one.”

“The lucky one? You call permanent muscle damage lucky?”” Clarke asked.

“Her brother Nyko was in the car with her…”

Clarke felt her heart drop to the bottom of her stomach, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to hear the rest of this.

“He died on impact.”

The words punched Clarke in the gut and she couldn’t stop the wave of sympathy that rushed over her. She couldn’t phantom the level of pain Lexa must have gone though. The level of pain her entire family must have gone trough. Her thoughts strayed to Harper for a split second, and despite the fact that they weren’t the best of friends most of the time she still loved her dearly.

“Mr. Griffin?” The voice from the doorway turned both their heads, and Victor smiled when he saw Tucker approaching with an empty plate. “When are my parents coming back?”

“Not until later, Tuck.” Victor patted the empty seat next to him, and Tucker climbed up onto it. “But Clarke here is going to take the both of us into town and we are going to go see them put the lights on the trees around the ice rink.”

“I am?” Clarke asked, less than enthused, but the stern expression on her grandfather’s face forced her to correct her statement. “I am! Of course I am. It is going to be fun - tons of fun. Fun, fun, fun.”

“Are they putting that up today?” The excitement shone from Tucker’s eyes for a second before a confused expression took over his face. “Aren’t you a little old to skate?”

Clarke was quick to hide her grin behind her mug. She was starting to forgive this kid for interrupting her sleep.

“Maybe a little,” Victor admitted, before turning his eyes to Clarke. “But she isn’t and I’m sure Clarke would love to take you.”

Clarke placed the mug on the table and held up her hands. She loved skating, but she also loved sleeping and the latter was higher on her list of priorities currently. “Surgeon. I can’t hurt these babies.”

Victor rose from his seat, grabbing Tucker’s plate and empty glass in the process. “Well, then you better stay on your feet.”

Tucker smiled hopefully at Clarke and she felt her resolve break. She hadn’t gone ice skating since the last time she was in New York visiting friends, and getting back on the ice could be fun, baring no broken bones this time. In New York Niylah had fallen flat on her ass, and ended up breaking her wrist in the process. She still remembered her fiancée’s cry cutting through the air when she had tried to break her fall with her hands - it had been ear piercing.

“Clarke, why don’t you get dressed and I’ll help Tucker find his jacket and gloves?” Victor suggested, while rinsing the plate before putting it in the dishwasher. “Dress warm. This isn’t Miami.”

“I’ve noticed.” In fact she had more than noticed. She loved the colors of fall, and the scenery in Castine was picture perfect, but she could do without the cold and the rain.

Despite putting on her warmest clothes she still found herself shivering the moment she stepped out onto the front porch. She loaded Tucker and her grandfather into her car, while sneaking glances at the Woods’ house, but the front lawn was empty this time. She wondered if the boot camp routine was a daily occurrence, or something reserved for weekends. For the brunette’s sake she really hoped it was a weekend thing.

“Clarke, get in the car!” Victor shouted impatiently from inside the car, startling Clarke out of her thoughts. “We don’t have all day!”

Clarke opened the door to the driver’s seat, and climbed in. “Be nice or I’ll leave you stranded in the middle of the road.”

“Not if you know what’s good for you, Clarke Griffin.”

Clarke chuckled, before firing up the engine. The drive into town wasn’t long, and she quickly found a parking sport, in spite of the many people who seemed to have gathered at the town square. Victor opened the backdoor and helped Tucker out of the big Range Rover, before taking his hand to lead him across the street. She trailed behind, but only by a couple of feet.

“It isn’t exactly Rockefeller Center or Central Park, but it is still kind of great, huh?” Victor’s voice was low, but Clarke heard him and she nodded her head in agreement, before whispering.

“It’s kind of perfect.”

The rink wasn’t big, far from it in fact, but it had that small town feel, and the sight that met Clarke tugged at her heart. This was sort of great. The trees that surrounded the rink were decorated with fairy lights and she had a feeling that it would look quite magical at nighttime.

“Victor! Tucker! What are you guys doing here?” Clarke saw a man approach her grandfather with a huge smile on his face. His hands were buried in his pockets, and a scarf was wrapped tightly around his neck, but not even the cold appeared to have an effect on his mood.

“We thought we would come see them put the finishing touches on the ice rink,” Victor said, gently placing a hand on the young boy’s shoulder. “How are you Marcus? Are you going to do a speech, or?”

“Oh, no, no,” Marcus laughed, “just out enjoying the sights. Adele and I came back last night and I had a few things I needed to pick up at the office.”

Marcus’s attention turned to Clarke who was standing quietly next to her grandfather and Tucker. “Who is this pretty lady, Victor? I don’t believe I’ve seen you around here before.”

“This is my granddaughter Clarke,” Victor said, turning to Clarke. “Clarke, this is Mayor Marcus Kane.”

“A pleasure,” Clarke said politely and offered her hand, which Marcus took with a smile. “It’s a wonderful ice rink you’ve got here.”

“Thank you,” Marcus chuckled. “I’m glad you like it. Are you in town for long?”

“A couple of months actually,” Clarke said with a smile, linking her arm with her grandfather’s. “I have some time off between jobs, so I thought I would come spend some time with my pops.”

“Are you the doctor or lawyer?” It took Clarke a little by surprise that her grandfather and the mayor seemed to know each other well, but she was glad that he had people here. She often worried about him being all alone, in a State miles away, with no family nearby.

“I’m the doctor,” Clarke confessed, “a surgeon actually.”

“Another surgeon,” Marcus said, sounding rather impressed. He looked at Victor and grinned. “We should think about starting some kind of clinic here. Three surgeons in one small town… that’s good publicity.”

At this, Clarke laughed out loud. “If you are talking about Lexa and Anya, then I think I might have put a dent in your plans yesterday. They are not my biggest fans.”

“Nonsense, they love everybody.” Victor coughed at Marcus’s lie, trying to hide his chuckle.

It had been a long time since Lexa had liked anybody new. That was more or less a town secret.

Clarke shrugged. “I accidently knocked Doctor Woods off her feet yesterday, and Anya almost took my head off. Not that I really blame her, but you know.”

“I see.” Marcus sighed. “I’m guessing, Victor has told you about her then?”

“Just the basics, yeah.” Clarke admitted. Her heart clenched painful again at the thought of Lexa’s accident and she decided to get out of the conversation. “If you’ll excuse me, I’ll go rent Tucker a pair of skates.”

Marcus gave her a smile and her grandfather nodded his head, before she left and made her way towards the queue that had gathered in front of the marked stall at the far end of the rink. People of all ages were standing in line waiting and she recognized one or two of them from her grandfather’s birthday party. Small town, indeed.

“You know if you keep staring like that people are going to think you are up to something,” someone from behind her commented, and Clarke turned around. “Black jacket, black hat, black pants… are you from the government or something?”

“Excuse me?” Clarke asked the woman, but she rolled on, completely ignoring Clarke.

“No wait, don’t tell me!” A smile spread on the woman’s face, and she leaned in closer to Clarke. “Has Mr. Johnson been growing ‘happy plants’ in his backyard again?”

Clarke’s eyes widened and she looked around, checking that no one was paying attention to them. “Happy plants? You mean weed?”

“What’s weed, Aunty Raven?” A young girl asked and stepped up to her aunt, wrapping one arm around her knee while looking up at her. “And what is Mr. Johnson doing with it?”

Clarke cringed. She had forgotten to look down. Damn those tiny humans.

“Addie!” Raven yelped a little too loudly, bending down to the girl’s level. “What are you doing here? Where is mommy?”

Addie pointed to a woman and a man standing at a coffee stand that had been set up for the opening of the rink.

“I wanted to say ‘hi’ and mommy said it was okay,” the little girl answered.

“Well that is really nice of you, sweetie, but you better run along. We wouldn’t want to keep mommy waiting.”

“But what’s weed, Aunty Raven?” Addie asked once again, with a curious expression plastered all over her face.

“It’s umm... It’s….” Clarke watched Raven trying to come up with an explanation, and she couldn’t help but chuckle when the woman came up short.

“You know what?” Raven said brightly. “Why don’t you go ask mommy? Mommy knows everything! Okay, sweetie? Go ask mommy. Go on.”

They watched Addie run back to her parents and both grinned when the woman’s expression turned to one of horror and her eyes darted towards Raven, before mouthing ‘I’ll kill you’ across the distance. Raven shrugged and turned her attention back to Clarke who was still watching Raven’s friend trying to come up with an explanation that wouldn’t traumatize the four-year-old girl - poor woman.

Raven coughed, and Clarke turned to her with a smirk on her face. “So, Mr. Johnson has a habit of growing weed in his backyard, huh?”

Clarke had a hard time keeping the amusement out of her voice. “Who knew small town America could be so scandalous?”

Raven scowled and Clarke grinned. “So you are not here to arrest someone?”

“No,” Clarke laughed. “I’m here for a family visit. My grandfather lives down on Bayfront Lane.”

“Oh,” Raven exclaimed. “You are Mr. Griffin’ granddaughter, aren’t you? I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“I’m one of them,” Clarke says. “I’m Clarke Griffin.”

“Raven Reyes,” the other woman introduced herself. “I’m the town lawyer.”

Clarke smiled. “Impressive. My mother and sister are lawyers as well.”

Inwardly, Clarke chuckled. Harper would die of boredom within a week if she had to be a lawyer in a town with a population that consisted of less than two thousand people. No way, no how, would she ever survive that. Clarke wouldn’t even put it past her to kill someone and put herself on trial just so she could have someone to prosecute. Harper had always been the more restless of the two, and Miami’s busy life style suited her a lot better than a town like this ever would.

“You must be the doctor then?” Raven concluded, and Clarke was just about to ask how she knew when Raven held up her hand. “You said it, small town… people talk… a lot.”

“I’m starting to see that.”

When it was finally Clarke’s turn she quickly rented a pair of skates in Tucker’s size and a pair in hers, before she said goodbye to Raven. Tucker and her grandfather were standing exactly where she left them, and together they guided Tucker towards the rink where Clarke helped Tucker get his skates on. He was a little wobbly at first, but Clarke took his hands and carefully assisted him onto the ice. They watched as he clutched the rails, trying to keep his balance.

“Come on, Tucker.” Clarke skated a few feet away and opened her arms towards the young boy. He almost made it the entire distance before he lost his balance; luckily, Clarke managed to catch him before he hit the ice.

“I’ve got you. Don’t worry.” Clarke took his small hands in hers and started to skate backwards, slowly dragging Tucker with her and the further they got the wider the smile on his face got.

“This is cool,” Tucker said with a grin, and Clarke smiled in return. “You are like way better than mommy. Derrick always has to catch her. One time she fell and got a nose bleed. She said a lot of bad words.”

Clarke chuckled at Tucker’s expression when he told her that his mother had said bad words.

“I’ve had a little bit of practice,” Clarke admitted and it wasn’t a total lie. Every year for Christmas her family would go to New York and her parents would take her and her sister to Central Park or Rockefeller Center and let them skate for as long as they wanted. It was pretty much one of her favorite things to do as a child.

Clarke felt her butt collide with someone behind her, and she almost lost her balance, tripping both her and Tucker in the process. When she turned around to see if the other person was still standing, she felt the urge to utter a lot of those bad words Tucker was just talking about.

“You should seriously come with a warning,” Anya said, coming to a halt. “Or someone needs to buy you a damn bell so the rest of us have a fighting chance at getting out of your way before you steamroll us.”

“I was just teaching Tucker here how to skate.” Clarke tried to keep her voice friendly, but she really didn’t like the woman’s tone. “And I’ve already apologized for yesterday. What more can I do? Honestly, I’m sorry, but it was an accident.”

Anya took a deep breath to calm herself, forcing the impolite words to stay in her mouth. Snapping at the ortho surgeon wouldn’t do any good. “I’m sorry. Normally I’m a lot more pleasant. It is just… yeah, never mind. The point is that I shouldn’t take it out on you. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. It happens.” Clarke accepted. “And for what it is worth, I am very sorry. I could tell she was in a lot of pain.”

“It is not your fault,” Anya dismissed. “It’s…”

“Complicated?” Clarke finished. “Yeah, I’ve heard.”

Anya nodded sadly, before stealing a glance over her shoulder and Clarke couldn’t help but follow her line of vision, and that’s when she saw her. Lexa was leaning against one of the trees surrounding the rink, arms crossed and an unreadable expression on her face.

“Do you think she would bite my head off if I went over there to apologize?” Clarke asked, looking back at Anya.

“Maybe,” Anya answered truthfully. “But you’ll never know if you never try. And trust me. Her bark is worse than her bite.”

Clarke nodded thoughtfully and squared her shoulders. “Would you mind taking him back to my grandfather?”

She pointed in Victor’s direction.

“Of course not.” Anya placed a hand on Clarke’s shoulder, and motioned with her head in Lexa’s direction. “Just don’t ager it. I’m taking her out for lunch later and I don’t want to have to deal with the horns because you tickled the bull.”

With a chuckle she took Tucker’s hands and skated away from Clarke who was now left standing alone in the middle of the rink with a determined expression on her face. She pushed off with her right foot, heading in Lexa’s direction, but avoided eye contact as much as possible. She didn’t want to give the brunette a chance to run, before she had apologized. She flipped the small latch that held the gate closed and stepped out of the rink. She was sure Lexa knew she was coming towards her by now, but when she finally looked in Lexa’s direction again the woman had turned her eyes back to the rink.

When Clarke got close enough, she cleared her throat and it caught Lexa’s attention. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Lexa said tentatively.

Clarke crossed her arms across her chest, mirroring Lexa’s position. “I just wanted to apologize for yesterday. I should have watched where I was going.”

Lexa shrugged. “It’s fine. It was just as much my fault. No need to fret.”

Clarke stole an apprehensive glance at the brunette. She was pretty, no doubt about it. The dark jeans and army green jacket molded nicely against her athletic body. It surprised Clarke how much she adored the green eyes and dark hair, considering her fiancée and Lexa didn’t share many similarities.

Clarke held out her hand. “I don’t think I got a chance to introduce myself yesterday. I’m Clarke… Clarke Griffin.”

“I know who you are… Clarke.” Clarke’s name came out almost teasingly, but she couldn’t help but smile when Lexa took her hand. “I’m Lexa…”

“Woods,” Clarke finished with a smirk. “I know. I kind of live next door to you. I’m surprised you are even standing after this morning… that was quite a workout.”

The tiniest hint of a smile appeared on Lexa’s lips. “Were you spying on me?”

“Maybe,” Clarke admitted with a shrug, before chuckling. “Your dad almost scared ten years off my life with his whistling.”

This time Lexa truly smiled. “You should just be glad you aren’t on the receiving end of it.”

“Oh trust me, I am. Don’t get me wrong, I like to work out… but not at 9am…and certainly not with a marine. No matter how old that marine is.”

“A little workout never hurt anyone,” Lexa teased.

“I’m not so much worried about me as I am about the trainer,” Clarke admitted. “I tend to have a real mean streak if I have to work out before my morning coffee. It’s… It’s not pretty.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Lexa gestured to a nearby bench and Clarke silently followed her. She made sure to leave plenty of space between them, and tried not to look at Lexa’s leg even though she was curious about how big of a scar she would find under those jeans.

Clarke leaned back, folding her hands in her lap to try and keep from fidgeting. “Are you going skating?”

The question took Lexa by surprise and her mouth fell slightly open. “Uhm, no… no… skating is…I should probably stay away from any icy surfaces.”

“Is it your leg?” Clarke hadn’t meant to be so forward, but the words popped out before she had a chance to stop them.

Lexa bit her bottom lip, and Clarke rushed to explain. “It is just that… you know… people talk… a lot… in this town… and for the sake of being honest I think I should tell you that I know things about you… because people talk.”

“You mean?” Lexa’s voice was hesitant, and her shoulders slumped when Clarke nodded her head. “Terrific.”

“It is actually,” Clarke tried to assure her. “People really like you here. They respect you and they’re concerned. They really like you. Anya obviously thinks the world of you. The way she tried to kill me with a single glare yesterday? That was scary stuff.”

“Anya is all bark and no bite, don’t worry.” Lexa smirked and Clarke laughed.

“She said the same about you.” Clarke’s confession made Lexa laugh, and Clarke dared to place a hand on Lexa’s good leg. “Don’t worry so much about the leg, okay? When you are ready to get back out there… on the ice, I mean - you’re leg will be too, I promise.”

Lexa narrowed her eyes, but a small smile kept playing on her lips. “You are awfully observant for someone who isn’t my doctor.”

“Occupational hazard.” Clarke’s casual tone was enough to make Lexa snort, but she nodded her head in agreement, nevertheless. She knew what Clarke was talking about.

Clarke stood up and Lexa followed her with her eyes, but remained seated. “Just know that…when you are over being… upset…there will be people lining up to take you back on the ice. They really care about you.”

“You want to give me some names?”

Clarke smirked. “I think you’ll know.”

She grinned cutely at Lexa, before she turned on her heels and walked away. She bit her lip and tried desperately to keep from breaking into a wide smile. She knew her and Niylah were on a break, but there was no doubt in her mind that Niylah wouldn’t be thrilled about the butterflies that gently fluttered around in Clarke stomach at the thought of Lexa’s smile.

But that smile and beautiful green eyes?

_Magic_.


	3. Chapter 3

Lexa sat quietly on the exam table, her legs stretched out in front of her. She really didn’t want to look at it - the big scar that marred her left thigh. It was a constant reminder of all the bad things that had happened in her life lately. Nyko dying, Costia leaving - it seemed like a never ending circle and a little voice in the back of her head kept wondering what the next blow would be. Losing her job seemed like the most plausible scenario, but she stopped caring about that months ago. Who needed to be a doctor anyway? She certainly didn’t - not when Nyko wasn’t there to support her anymore.

“It looks good, Doctor Woods.” The old man with graying hair gave her an encouraging smile, squeezing her knee gently, before standing up. He snapped off his plastic gloves and threw them in the trashcan. “Your muscle mass has improved and the scaring around the incision is looking a lot better. I’d say you are almost done with these monthly check ups.”

Lexa had seen scares before, in fact she had given plenty of them to people she had operated on, so she knew a good scar when she saw one, and hers was healing up nicely, but that didn’t mean that she didn’t find it absolutely disgusting to look at. The pink tissue and the slight discoloration managed to turn her stomach every time she saw it. It was an emotional juggernaut that rolled over her heart, crushing it in the process, every single time.

She felt Anya’s hand on her shoulder, and she placed her own on top of it. “That’s good news, right, Lexa?”

“Yes, that’s good news.” Lexa sighed, nodding. She couldn’t find it in herself to be happy about the prospect of not having to take a monthly trip to Portland. The day she didn’t have to go to Portland anymore _at all_ \- that day she would think about celebrating.

Doctor Nelson smiled encouragingly at her while scribbling some notes in Lexa’s chart. “Now, I don’t want to see you back here for another two months, so that means mid December? Does that work for you?”

“It is not like I have anywhere else to be,” Lexa mumbled, looking down at her lap.

“We’ll be here,” Anya promised.

Anya had started coming to checkups with Lexa about six months ago after she had almost thrown her parents out of the room. Her mother’s hovering and her dad’s endless questioning had finally made her snap and a few harsh words were exchanged. In the end they had all agreed that maybe it would be better if it were Anya who drove to Portland with her. Lexa hated the idea of depending on Anya, but it was the lesser of two evils.

“I’ll see you in December then, Doctor Woods.” He shook Lexa’s hand, before nodding politely at Anya. “Doctor Brooks.”

Anya smiled, but when the door closed behind Doctor Nelson she turned to Lexa who was now lying down on the table, one arm draped across her face. Anya shook her head and ran a hand over her face.

These appointments took a lot out of Lexa, both mentally and physically.

“Do you need any help getting changed?” It was a risky question, but she always offered.

“Touch my clothes and I’ll cut your hand off with a spoon.” The threat could hardly be heard, because Lexa’s voice was low and raspy. She was exhausted.

“I think you’ll have to catch me first,” Anya told her, and went to collect Lexa’s jeans and sweater.

Lexa sniggered, and despite herself she pouted. “That was kind of mean.”

Anya went over to the table, and grabbed Lexa’s arm to pull her up into a sitting position. Lexa’s face was pale and her eyes were hollow. Anya tried her best to keep a smile on her face, and be as supportive as possibly, but it was hard seeing her friend this beaten and broken. The woman sitting in front of her was a shell of the person Lexa was before, and who Lexa was meant to be. She just wished that she had a way to fix her. She would do anything to fix Lexa.

“Scoot forward,” Anya instructed, before she untied Lexa’s hospital gown and helped her slip out of it.

Anya placed the gown on the tray besides them and handed Lexa her sweater. “Are you going tonight?”

“I don’t know.” Lexa got her arms through her sleeves, pulling the rest of it over her head. She looked up at Anya.

“It might be fun,” Anya said, crossing her arms. She watched Lexa hop off the exam table, grabbing her jeans in the process. She stepped into them one leg at a time, but she always found it a bit tricky to stand on her left leg without the support of her right one. “Now that Echo is turning twenty-one, I think Octavia is planning on drinking her under the table, and with Raven involved we know there is going to be tequila.”

“I don’t exactly think tequila is anywhere in my immediate future. Falling off the pavement is just the last thing I need.” There wasn’t a bite to Lexa’s words. It was a simple statement of facts - getting drunk while still feeling like Bambi on ice was not a smart move.

“A beer won’t hurt you. You can drink one beer and still stay on your feet. You are not that much of a lightweight, Lexa.” Anya’s suggestion only got a noncommittal shrug from Lexa.

“Oh, come on,” Anya teased. “You know you want to see Rivers get drunk on Raven’s early on-set Alzheimer drinks. That’s reason enough to go right there.”

Lexa chuckled - Anya was right. Seeing Rivers get drunk on Raven’s life threatening cocktails was better than any stand-up show she had seen in a long time. A drunk Rivers was a very entertaining Rivers. She could still picture, quite vividly, the time when Luna had seen a headline on one of Lexa’s medical journals and had spend an entire evening going on about how she needed a guy who understood fistulas. Lexa was pretty sure that Rivers herself had no idea what a fistula actually was. But that night she had been hell bent on their importance to her next relationship.

Anya smirked. “You are thinking about fistulas, aren’t you?”

Lexa grinned, and grabbed her shoes. “Yeah, I am. They are extremely important after all.”

Lexa squatted down to tie her laces, but the movement shot a sting of pain through her leg, and she bit her lip hard to keep from crying out. Her thigh always protested this move, especially after checkups, but she didn’t want to ask Anya for help. She wanted to do things on her own. She needed to do things on her own, but she wasn’t surprised when she felt two hands push away hers and quickly tie her shoes.

“There you go – all set.” Anya didn’t make a big deal about it. She stood and grabbed their jackets. She opened the door, motioning for Lexa to step through.

Once out in the hallway, Lexa turned to Anya. “Do you think we could stop and get some lunch? I’m starving.”

“Me too,” Anya admitted. “Do you want to check out the cafeteria or go somewhere and get a burger?”

“Burger, please.” Lexa scrunched up her nose. “I don’t want to spend a week in this place because the cafeteria’s mystery meat played havoc on my intestinal tract.”

“I hear you.” They had both spend enough time in hospitals to know that eating there was like playing the lottery – you never knew what you were going to get, but chances of winning were low.

Anya pushed the elevator button. They watched the numbers count down on the display above the door until the lift reached their floor. Lexa stepped through first and Anya quickly followed, hitting the number that lead to the main floor.

The doors closed behind them. “I spoke to Raven the other day. It seems like she is getting along well with your hot, new neighbor.”

“Raven? Getting along with someone new?” Lexa’s eyebrows raised, a disbelieving look taking over her features. “What’s the catch?”

“You don’t think she is nice?” Anya asked, unable to keep a smirk off her face. She was sure Lexa thought Clarke was more than nice, if not as a person, then at least to look at.

“That’s not what I meant,” Lexa said defensively. “But Raven doesn’t play nice with anyone if there isn’t something in it for her.”

Anya titled her head in agreement. “True, but according to Raven Clarke is the bee’s knees or something.”

“Okay, that’s just a lie… Raven would never call anyone ‘the bee’s knees’.”

Anya nudged Lexa hard enough to make her wobble. “You know what I mean. But that’s beside the point….”

The elevator dinged and the door opened. A smug expression took over Anya’s face, as she stepped out of the elevator, two steps ahead of Lexa.

“What’s the point then?” Lexa asked, struggling to keep up with Anya’s pace. Even on her good days she wasn’t that fast yet, and after a checkup, walking in itself was a struggle.

Hearing Lexa’s question plastered a smug expression on Anya’s face. She stopped for a moment, turning to look at her friend over her shoulder, before replying. “Clarke’s coming to Echo’s party.”

Lexa’s face went blank for a split second, but her heart rate increased instantly.

Anya laughed and started walking towards her car. It was enough to shake Lexa out of her dazed world and she followed her with a shriek. “She’s _what_?”

“Clarke is coming… as in she’ll be at the party. You speak English, Lexa, you know what I mean,” Anya replied, secretly very pleased with her friend’s reaction. It had been a long time since someone had the ability to create any kind of emotional response from Lexa – let alone a somewhat positive one.

“I heard what you said.” Lexa struggled to catch up to Anya, trying desperately to reach her side. “But why? Why is she coming to Echo’s party? She doesn’t even know Echo.”

“Raven invited her. She thought it couldn’t hurt for her to get to know a few people since she is going to be here for a few months.”

“ _Months_?” This time Lexa’s voice reached unheard heights. “Clarke is going to be here for a few _months_?”

“Yep,” Anya said, her smile beaming. “That means plenty of time for you to ogle her. Aren’t you a lucky girl?”

“I don’t ogle her!” Lexa said incredulously, her eyes going wide. “I…I…”

They finally reached the car and Anya pulled her keys out of her pocket. She waited for Lexa to get around to the passenger side before climbing in. She placed the keys in the ignition, turning them and backed the car out of its spot.

“You kind of do ogle her.”

Lexa slapped Anya’s arm. “I do not ogle Clarke!”

“Kind of do,” Anya insisted once again, stealing a quick glance at Lexa. “I was at your house all day yesterday and we spend most of it on your front porch, and I swear you turned to look at Victor’s house enough times to almost spin your head off.”

Lexa’s mouth fell open, but she came up empty. There was no way to deny it. She had tried to sneak a few peeks toward her neighbor’s house, as discretely as possibly naturally, however, without much success it appeared. She would have to be more careful about that, or stop altogether. The latter was probably best. She didn’t need Clarke catching her at it - Anya knowing was bad enough. God help her if her mother found out. She would be scheming in no time.

Lexa clamped up. It never failed to stress Anya when she did and soon enough Anya found herself breaking the silence. “Look, Lexa, there is no reason to be shy about it. You are a grown woman… you can say it… come on repeat after me…Clarke Griffin is hot.”

“Is there something you need to tell Roan?” Anya rolled her eyes. “Have you switched teams?”

“Be serious, Lexa!” Anya demanded, her tone bordering on whining. “You know you think she is hot.”

Lexa sighed, looking out of the car’s window. “What does it matter? Sure, she is hot, but she is probably also very straight.”

“You’ll never know if you never ask,” Anya mused.

“Anya, she is here for a few months and then she’ll fly back to wherever she came from and I’ll still be here - right fucking here. There is no point in me getting to know her even if she isn’t straight. It’s just hopeless – everything is hopeless. I was with Costia for three years and she took one look at the mess I’ve become and she ran for the hills. She fled, Anya! Like a polar bear from the desert. Why in the world would Clarke want to have any part in this?”

Anya quickly reached out and took Lexa’s arm, clasping it tightly in hers. She hadn’t meant to set Lexa off, but lately it was like walking through a minefield – no matter how carefully you stepped, no matter how much you tried to keep score of the situation – you were bound to step on one eventually – and lately the field she and Lexa had been navigating was dense with old mines, old wounds, always ready to force their way to the surface.

“Lexa, stop… stop, okay?” Anya hated when Lexa’s lower lip started to tremble, it was always a sign that tears were about to be spilled. “Costia was a fucking idiot for leaving you. You deserve so much better than that, and I’ll be more than happy to turn her face to pulp if she ever shows up around here, but please don’t give up on everything… Nyko wouldn’t want that…”

At the mention of her brother Lexa’s eyes overflowed and tears tickled down her cheeks.

“You deserve to be happy, Lexa,” Anya said softly, “so, so very happy.”

“But everything is a mess,” Lexa cried, closing her eyes under the weight of her emotions. “I’m a mess, Anya, such a mess.”

“But that’s okay. It’s okay to be a mess. Sometimes… when life gets too hard to stand you have to kneel, okay? We have to just accept that we can’t always be in control of everything. You are not superhuman, Lexa. No one expects you to just power through all the time, so if you need to take a minute to miss Nyko then take a minute.”

Anya’s speech slowly broke Lexa’s walls and she nodded, desperately wishing for Anya to be right. All she wanted was a minute to just slow down and be. It was the exact reason she found herself out on that dock in front of her parents’ house at the crack of dawn every morning. She needed time on her own - a moment to just slow down and be. After everything that had happened in the last year, she had found herself in need of time on her own more than ever.

Lexa turned her head towards Anya, wiping her eyes with the back of her free hand. “You are a good friend, Anya Brooks.”

Anya chuckled softly, bringing the barest of hints of a smile to Lexa’s lips. “So are you, Woods. So are you.”

“God, this is turning into some kind of sob fest,” Lexa mocked. “Nyko would have laughed at us if he saw this.”

“Yes he would,” Anya agreed, chuckling. Nyko had been a good friend of hers, just like Lexa was and she missed him too. “You know what he would have done?”

“What?” Lexa asked her voice a little shaky. A mention of her brother was like a direct cut to a vein – a vein that contained all of her emotions, and they always came spilling out, no matter how hard she tried to stop it. Like the burst of dam, once the first crack had cut through the concrete there was no stopping the rest of it from crumbling.

“He would have told you to get your head out of your ass and hit on Clarke before he did,” Anya said, earning herself a shove from Lexa.

“God! You are like a dog with a bone,” Lexa sighed, but she couldn’t hide the amusement that laced her voice. Anya was right. Nyko would have said something along those lines, and she knew herself well enough to know that she would have taken the bait.

“I could always tell Ontari that Clarke is interested in her… we both know that she would be on her like a dog in heat,” Anya said teasingly. Ontari was Lexa’s ex-girlfriend and Anya loved nothing more than tease her about that fact. She was nice and pleasant, but Anya had come close to throwing a party when Lexa had broken things off. Lexa deserved better and Anya thought Costia had been it, but clearly she had been proven wrong – terribly wrong.

“If you tell Ontari anything of that sort, I’ll hurt you, Anya, and that’s a promise,” Lexa said.

The thought of having her ex-girlfriend drool all over Clarke was less than appealing.

“I’m trembling in fear,” Anya mocked. “Are you going to beat me with those baby surgeon hands of yours?”

“Don’t underestimate Peds, Anya.” Lexa held up a finger and wagged it in front of Anya’s face. “Peds is nothing but hardcore.”

Anya snorted trying to cover up her laugh.

“Stop it, you jerk.”

“I think we need to get some food in you. Clearly your brain has been compromised due to starvation,” Anya said, and flipped the on the turn signal.

She pulled the car into the nearest drive through, ordering them both a burger. She handed Lexa the bag who was quick to rip the paper off and hand Anya’s her, before taking a sizeable bit of her own. Lexa munched quietly, only stopping to take a sip of her water every now and again. She loved being in Anya’s company – there was never a need for small talk to fill the silence. It was easy and she desperately needed easy in her life. Considering how nothing else really was.

By the time they reached Castine it was dark outside and the lights that lit up Indra and Gustus’s driveway was on. Anya pulled up in front of the house, killing the engine.  
Lexa opened the door and stepped out.

“So, I’ll see you at Joe’s in an hour, right?”

Lexa drummed her fingers gently against the car door, nodding her head. “I’ll be there.”

“Do you need me to come pick you up? I just have to get changed, but I can be back here in like forty-five minutes?” Anya offered.

“No, that’s okay,” Lexa replied, looking back at her parents’ house. “I’ll get dad to drop me off.”

“Or you could get Clarke to give you a lift.” Anya pointed to the black Ranger Rover that was parked in Victor’s driveway. “I’m sure she would be more than happy to give you a ride.”

“Stop it,” Lexa admonished, but despite the dark Anya could easily see the blush that raced across Lexa’s cheeks. Yeah, she thought Clarke was hot, alright. “I’m going now.”

“Okay.” Anya held up her hands in mock defense. She twisted the keys and the car’s engine roared back to life. Lexa was half way up the driveway, when Anya rolled her window down. “Wear something hot! No t-shirts!”

Lexa’s hand rose in the air and a single finger stuck out, making Anya laugh.

Lexa heard the car drive away from the house and she pulled her hand down. Anya’s matchmaking would be the death of her. She could survive car crashes, but Anya’s persistence when it came to her and Clarke was starting to suck the life out of her, even if she did have a point. It wouldn’t hurt to wear something nice, and if a certain orthopedic surgeon was to notice, well that wouldn’t be so bad.

So when she stepped through the doors to Joe’s bar an hour later, she was slightly self conscious. It had been awhile since she had made the effort to dress up- to even go as far as to put on make-up, and now, standing in the dimmed light of the bar, she suddenly felt nervous. She scanned the room, seeing a few familiar faces, but no Clarke. It made her stomach drop in disappointment.

“Lexa, you made it!” Octavia was quick to come to her rescue, linking her arm through Lexa’s. “You look wonderful.”

“Thanks. You do, too,” Lexa said politely, letting go of the smaller brunette when they got to the bar.

“Can I get you anything? Beer? Wine? Tequila?” Joe was standing behind the bar, wiping a glass clean with the dishtowel hanging from his waist.

“Water is fine for now,” Lexa said, smiling when Joe handed her a glass.

Raven came up behind her. “Water? You baby.”

Lexa wasn’t completely oblivious and she didn’t miss the look Octavia shot Raven, but she chose to ignore it. Raven’s presence was refreshing. She never tried to spare Lexa’s feelings, even if most people felt like it was the socially correct thing to do, to avoid any awkward situations. But the whole walking on eggshells thing was more often than not what sat Lexa’s teeth on edge, so she could appreciate a little tough love.

“We can’t all be hardcore alcoholics like you, Raven,” Lexa mused, making Raven grin.

“True. I am pretty badass if I do say so myself.” Raven leaned over the bar, grabbing the two nearest bottles of hard liquor. She held them up in front of her and wiggled her eyebrows - vodka and Jagermeister. “Prepare to call 911, because I am about to drink the birthday girl under the table.”

“Raven,” Octavia said, her voice bordering on stern, but the lawyer was quick on her feet and made a beeline towards the table where Echo was sitting, before Octavia had a chance to protest further.

“You better go save her,” Lexa advised. She had seen the kind of damage Raven could do with a bottle of booze, even felt it herself a couple of times, and right now she feared for Echo’s health.

“Yeah,” Octavia sighed, rushing towards her best friend, prepared to try and save Echo from permanent liver damage.

“You are wearing jeans,” she heard Anya’s voice behind her and she turned on the spot, bringing her glass of water up to take a sip from.

“You said nothing about jeans. You said no t-shirts,” Lexa argued, looking herself up and down. “And these jeans are hot.”

“Hot or not, would it really have killed you to wear a dress?” Anya sat her drink down on the counter, leaning against it.

“Something about a kettle calling a pot black comes to mind right about now,” Lexa said, pointing to Anya’s legs, which were also hidden beneath a pair of jeans. “Does that ring any bells?”

Anya held up a finger. “I am already in a relationship. I am not here to impress anyone…”

“Neither am I!” Lexa quickly tried to object, but Anya didn’t bite. She never really did. She knew Lexa too well.

“The lady doth protest too much,” Anya argued with a broad smile. “Seriously, I think it is great Lexa. From what I’ve heard from Reyes she is pretty cool, and she knows how to put a smile on your face and I don’t think I need to remind you that you haven’t been smiling a lot lately. So what if she is only here for three months? Think of her as candy… eat it… aaannnd… forget about it.”

“Anya!” Lexa shrieked, a deep blush coloring her cheek. “You did not just say that!”

“What?” Anya said innocently, shrugging her shoulders. “You need someone to come in and put a little spring back in your step. Why not let the cute blonde do it?”

Lexa’s eyebrows rose. “Spring back in my step, really?”

“No pun intended,” Anya laughed, before bringing her own drink up to her lips. She took a sip, savoring the glass of white wine. A motion at the door caught her eye and she smirked over the rim of her glass, making Lexa turn her head in the direction Anya was staring.

Her breath caught. Clarke was standing in the doorway, looking completely stunning in a navy blue dress. She watched as Raven walked over and dragged Clarke to the booth where she was sitting with Echo, Octavia and a couple of Lexa’s other friends. She couldn’t help but be a little awed that none of the other women swooned when Clarke shook their hands and introduced herself, giving them a dazzling smile as well. Lexa wasn’t sure how comfortable she felt with having someone’s smile affect her that much. It was unsettling, considering how she hardly even knew Clarke.

Anya leaned into Lexa - close enough so she didn’t have to bring her voice above a whisper and still have Lexa hear her. “You are right. That woman is absolutely not hot. Good call. You are so on your game lately.”

When Lexa didn’t reply, Anya chuckled.

Lexa felt Anya grab her by the arm and before she knew what was happening she was being led towards her other friends, her other friends who just so happened to be sharing a booth with Clarke - a Clarke who was now looking at her.

“Is there room for us?” Anya asked and everybody immediately started scooting closer together.

“I believe you’ve both met Clarke?” Octavia asked, pointing to Clarke who somehow ended up sitting next to Lexa with Raven on her other side.

“Yes, we’ve run into each other before,” Anya said with a pleased smirk - a smirk that grew when both Clarke and Lexa blushed.

Clarke chuckled. “You are not going to let that one go anytime soon, are you?”

“Afraid not,” Anya admitted, almost chocking on her wine when she felt a kick collide with her shin.

“Ow!” Anya said, her eyes going wide with disbelief. “ _Why_?”

The question was directed at Lexa, who only shrugged, a sheepish smile fighting to break loose on her lips.

“Quiet down, Brooks, you probably deserved it,” Raven said and rose in her seat, grabbing the bottle of vodka. She quickly and expertly poured nine shots, handing them out to the rest of the women, before holding up her own. “To Echo! May this be a night to remember, but one you won’t!”

Echo’s smile turned into a frown, sneaking a glance at Octavia. Octavia didn’t say anything; instead she lifted her shot-glass in Echo’s direction, making the birthday girl do the same.

Everyone downed their glass in a quick move; everyone but Lexa that is. She really didn’t want to get drunk tonight, she just wanted to enjoy herself and relax. It had been a long time since she had been in the mood to simply hang out with her friends.

“Come on drink it,” Reyes insisted, pointing at the glass in front of Lexa. “I never thought I would say this, but I miss your perky side. Sure, it is vomit worthy at times, but can we have it back for one night, please? Come on, Woods, do it for Echo.”

“Not tonight, Reyes,” Lexa said sweetly. “I don’t think my stomach could handle it. Sorry.”

“Woods,” Raven said, and Lexa’s mouth almost dropped open. Was that a pout? Did Raven Reyes just pout?

Lexa didn’t get a chance to reply. A hand shot out and took her glass, and Lexa watched as the vodka meant for her disappeared down Clarke’s throat.

“That’s cheating!” Raven exclaimed. “You can’t help her.”

Clarke shuddered, putting the glass back down on the table. “Kind of can – kind of did.”

“Thanks,” Lexa murmured. 

“I figured I owed you one,” Clarke said nonchalantly, placing her hand on top of Lexa’s, giving it a quick squeeze, before quickly pulling it back onto her own lap.

Lexa’s skin tingled where Clarke had touched her, and she found herself staring at her hand. It wasn’t long before she was on the receiving end of a kick. She looked up to find Anya giving her a ‘snap out of it’ look. She heard Clarke chuckle, but she didn’t dare look at her. Great, she just embarrassed herself in front of Clarke again.

“Excuse me for a second,” Lexa whispered and made her way towards the bathroom.

Joe’s was relatively quiet, and she found herself alone in the bathroom, standing at the sink, so she could splash some water in her face, willing some color to return to her face and replace the sickly grey tone she had sported frequently during the past year. She really needed to snap out of this. She used to be a lot cooler, but at that moment she severely felt that cool part missing.

She closed her eyes when she heard the door open behind her. She knew Anya wouldn’t just let her run off like that, but she had hoped that for once she would have.

“Hi, are you okay?” Clarke’s voice rang out, making Lexa jump.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” Lexa said, turning around to face Clarke. She leaned back against the sink, her hands on either side of her. “I just had a long day.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Clarke offered.

“It’s fine.” Lexa motioned towards the door. “I’m just going to go…”

Just as Lexa was about to pass Clarke, she felt a hand grab hers. She looked down, seeing Clarke’s fingers wrapped tightly around hers.

“Lexa,” Clarke whispered, and Lexa’s eyes snapped up to meet Clarke’s. “I just wanted to let you know that I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” Lexa’s voice came out confused. As far as she was concerned she had already had this conversation with Clarke. It was water under the bridge. So, Clarke knocked her over? No big deal.

“About your brother,” Clarke clarified.

_Oh_.

Lexa gently pulled her hand from Clarke’s.

“I didn’t mean to overstep any boundaries or anything, I just thought I would let you know,” Clarke explained, suddenly afraid she had stepped on the brunette’s toes. “I heard about what happened to him, and I’m terribly sorry. I can’t imagine what it must be like for you.”

Lexa licked her lips, before biting down on her lower one – a nervous habit.

“People really do talk a lot, huh?”

Clarke chuckled. “Yeah, they do.”

“Hmm,” Lexa hummed. She knew that her story was the one that continued to circle the town’s gossip mill as of lately. Her whole family was, but she found that she was annoyed that this, almost stranger, seemed to know so much about her, without haven gotten the story from Lexa herself. But what surprised Lexa even more was the fact that she felt like telling Clarke. She had never felt like telling anyone about what happened a year ago.

“I like it here though, and my pops loves it.” A smile formed on Clarke’s lips at the mention of her grandfather.

“Have you seen Dice Head, yet?” Lexa asked. She used to take Sailor there once a week. Her and Nyko would take him out to the grounds and just walk around the forest near the lighthouse.

“No, I haven’t had the time so far, but I’ve heard it is pretty great,” Clarke answered, glad to have steered the conversation away from dangerous territory.

“It is,” Lexa confirmed. “You should go if you get the chance. Penobscot Bay is a pretty place this time of year.”

“Maybe I will,” Clarke said. “I’m here for a couple of months so why not.”

“I could take you if you want?” The words were out before she had a chance to stop them, and she had to resist the urge to clasp her hand over her mouth.

A light sparkled in Clarke’s eyes, and even through the haze of panic that clouded Lexa’s brain, she managed to catch it, making her own heart thump loudly in her chest.

“I’d like that.” Clarke’s smile was almost blinding.

“Yeah?” Lexa whispered her mouth feeling like the Sahara desert.

What was breathing? 

“Yeah,” Clarke admitted.

Oh, right. _That_ was breathing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to once again say a quick thank you to everyone who left kudos and comments - you guys are awesome =) I really appreciate it! and to those of you who are also reading Colder Weather I really hope y'all liked this weekend's chapter!


	4. Chapter 4

Clarke took a deep breath, steadying her shoulders. She could do this. She could totally raise her hand and knock on the Woods’ door. No big deal. Lexa had asked her to come. She had heard it herself, so in reality there was no reason to be nervous. Niylah wouldn’t mind Clarke hanging out with a new friend, no matter how pretty that new friend was. She wasn’t the jealous type. Besides she had no reason to be jealous of Lexa anyway. The adorable brunette was only a friend - hardly even that – she was closer to an acquaintance, which was why Clarke didn’t get why there were butterflies fluttering inside her stomach. No one had made her nervous in a long time and she wasn’t exactly sure if she liked this new feeling.

“Just do it,” Clarke mumbled to herself. “Raise your hand and knock.”

“Some might consider talking to yourself a strange habit, Miss Griffin.”

Clarke spun around on the spot, a hand coming up to rest on her beating heart that was threatening to burst right through her chest. Her eyes landed on the man standing at the bottom of the stairs leading up to the front porch, where she had been standing for the last ten minutes.

“Sir, Mr. Woods…” Clarke stammered, completely mortified, “Colonel.”

“Gustus is just fine, Miss Griffin,” Gustus grinned.

He was leaning against the railing leading up the stairs, a newspaper tucked securely under his left arm. He wasn’t as intimidating as Clarke had remembered, but his presence was still terrifyingly demanding and Clarke automatically stood a little taller, wanting to be as presentable as possible.

“Please call me Clarke,” Clarke said, trying to force her heart out of her throat and back into her chest. She pointed to the door behind her. “I was going to…”

“Knock, I hope,” Gustus said, walking up the stairs. “I know Lexa is expecting you.”

“Yes, sir,” Clarke replied, before correcting herself. “Gustus.”

“We better get inside then.” He placed an open hand on Clarke’s shoulder, leading her through the door that Clarke had spend the last couple of minutes trying to convince herself to knock on.

“Look who I found on our front porch,” Gustus called, and immediately a woman came round the corner, drying her hands on a dishtowel. Her smile lit up the room and a set of familiar dimples popped. A big German Sheppard came walking out slowly behind her.

“Clarke, dear, it is good to see you.” Indra pulled Clarke into a hug, the tiny woman having to almost get up on her toes to give Clarke a proper one. She moved to stand next to Gustus. The amount of energy Lexa’s mother possessed was infectious and Clarke found herself wondering how alike she and Lexa had been before the accident.

“It’s good to see you too, Mrs. Woods.”

“Oh, none of that,” Indra scolded gently, but the bubbling smile never left her face. “It’s Indra, please.”

“Indra,” Clarke repeated politely, before clearing her throat. “Is Lexa home? We were supposed to meet here at noon?”

“Present,” Clarke heard Lexa say from the top of the stairs. She took them one step at a time, and Clarke could see how much she was trying to put up a brave front. Clarke was well aware that stairs probably wasn’t the most comfortable thing in the world for someone in Lexa’s condition. When she reached the bottom Clarke almost panicked. Should she hug her or shake her hand? What would her parents think?

“Are you ready to go?” Lexa asked, coming to a stop right in front of Clarke. The nervous tension between them was thick and Clarke snuck a peek at Indra who was nearly bouncing on the spot. Clearly, the woman was excited to see her daughter spending time with someone.

“Yes,” Clarke answered. “I’ve been looking forward to it all morning.”

A bright smile appeared on Lexa’s lips at Clarke’s answer, and one similar to it flourished on Clarke’s face. That smile was pure magic.

“You girls are going to Dice Head, right?” Gustus asked, his arms resting behind his back.

“Yep. I promised Clarke I would take her to see it. You know how great Penobscot Bay is at this time of year,” Lexa said, moving towards the door. She grabbed Sailor’s leash and he instantly rushed to her side, letting her put it on him. “We are taking Sailor with us.”

Clarke saw Lexa falter, and she looked nervously at Clarke. “If that’s okay with you? Sorry, I never even asked if you like dogs. I promise he is super friendly.”

“It’s totally fine. I love dogs.” Clarke bent down to Sailor’s level and stroked his head gently. “He’s really handsome. So much prettier than that little sewer rat my mom carries around.”

“Not a fan of small dogs, huh?” Lexa concluded teasingly, amusement written all over her face.

Clarke shrugged and stood back up. “I like most dogs, but my mom’s is a monster. Brent likes no one but her – _no one_. He would bite a baby if he didn’t like the way it looked at my mom.”

“Brent?” By now the smile was out in full force. “Your mom named him Brent?”

Clarke laughed. “Yeah, Brent. She named him after the first female lawyer in America…Margret Brent. She is a lawyer, so I guess it made sense to her.”

A wrinkle appeared between Lexa’s eyebrows, and she looked to be contemplating something.

“I think I heard about her once in High School,” Lexa said, “emigrated from England to… was it Massachusetts?”

Clarke was impressed. Not many people had heard of her, let alone remembered any information about the English woman, so the fact that Lexa was only a little off course was admirable. “You’re on the right track with the M part, but it was actually Maryland.”

“Close enough. I got the Northeast part right, too.” Lexa grinned. She wasn’t exactly a history buff, but she knew enough to not be completely useless in a game of Trivial Pursuit, and she had always liked school.

“You had a fifty, fifty shot at that.” Clarke reminded her, one eyebrow arched. “It was the Northeast or the Southeast. Forgive me if that doesn’t earn you a lot of brownie points.”

Lexa’s mouth dropped, but her eyes twinkled. “Who says I was trying to earn any?”

“Touché.” Clarke tilted her head, biting her lower lip to keep from laughing.

She liked this side of Lexa – the side that gave as good as she got. It was definitely a step up from the broken woman she remembered meeting at the grocery store. The terrified look in Lexa’s eyes still haunted her every now and again. But this smiling, relaxed Lexa gave her a glimpse of what everybody had told her was hidden beneath the tough exterior that had developed over the past year.

Both Lexa and Clarke were lost in their inner musings and completely missed the pleased expressions that crossed Gustus and Indra’s faces.

Indra clasped her hands in front of her. “Lexa?”

“Mhm,” Lexa mumbled dazed, before coming back to reality. “Sorry, what, Mom?”

“Shouldn’t the two of you…” She pointed towards the door, and this time Clarke caught the glee that lurked in Indra’s eyes.

“Oh, yes, right…” Clarke blushed, but when she saw a similar red color spread on Lexa’s cheeks she felt oddly comforted.

However, it didn’t stop her from mentally wanting to slap herself. She was a thirty year old woman. She did not act like a high school student who was about to go on her first date, and this outing with Lexa was not a date. Not even close. It was two strangers getting to know each other, nothing more and nothing less. She really needed herself to snap out of this, before she said or did something stupid. Because she had a suspicion that those green eyes and that charming smile could make her do just about anything. And she really didn’t want Lexa to figure that out.

“Shall we?” Lexa opened the door for Clarke and together they made their way outside.

The sun was high on the sky, but the fall wind was brisk and Clarke was glad she had opted for a pair of winter boots and a warm jacket. She took a few steps towards the car parked in Gustus and Indra’s driveway, but when Lexa didn’t follow, she stopped.

“Lexa?” Clarke looked confused, but when Lexa’s eyes dropped to the ground and her grip of Sailor’s leash tightened, her fingers playing nervously with the leather between her hands, Clarke’s stomach twisted in an unpleasant way.

“Do you not want to go?” Clarke voice was hesitant at best and Lexa dared a quick look at the blonde. “I mean, we could… go another day, I guess… but…”

Clarke badly wanted to make Lexa smile again, to make her eyes bright and clear like they had been only minutes ago. She didn’t even question just how badly she wanted to make things okay.

“No, it’s not… that… I just…” Despite the distance between them Clarke could see the emotional turmoil bubbling beneath Lexa’s surface and she swiftly crossed the grass, needing to be closer to Lexa.

She placed a reassuring hand on Lexa’s upper arm, giving it a gentle squeeze. “What is it? You can tell me?”

“Could you maybe drive?” Realization dawned on Clarke and her eyes widened in surprise. Why hadn’t she thought of that? Of course Lexa wouldn’t be too keen on getting behind the wheel, who would, after being dealt such a terrible hand the last time she did. “I know it is kind of weird… me promising to take you somewhere only to have you drive us there, but I don’t really…”

Lexa looked apprehensively at the blue truck sitting in the driveway. Clarke could see the tense movement in her throat when she gulped nervously.

“Say no more,” Clarke said quickly. “I’d be happy to take us. I rented a Range Rover so the trunk should be big enough for Sailor.”

“Okay.” Lexa took a deep breath. “Great… thank you.”

“No need to thank me,” Clarke said, letting her hand glide down to grab Lexa’s. “I’m still counting on you giving me the ten dollar tour once we get there.”

This brought a small grin back on Lexa’s face, and she nodded. “I think I can manage that.”

“What are we waiting for then?” Clarke gave Lexa her best smile, and was secretly delighted when the brunette visibly reacted to it. It was pleasing knowing that she also held some kind of power over the other surgeon. “Let’s get this show on the road.”

With Lexa’s help Clarke managed to navigate the small coast roads. It wasn’t a long drive, but the car slowly filled with tension, the slow-burning kind, and Clarke felt herself become tenser by the second. The silence between them wasn’t awkward, but the newness of their friendship still brought an added dimension of caution. Clarke didn’t want to bring up any hurtful memories, and if she was being honest with herself, she didn’t know a whole lot about Lexa beside the fact that she had been in a car crash and was a surgeon. In addition to that she only had little other bits of information, most she had gotten from Raven, but beginnings were meant to be tough, right?

“Can I ask you something?” Clarke’s question seemed to pull Lexa out of her own thoughts. 

“Of course, Clarke.” Damn there it was again. That sweet voice paired with that heart melting little inflection of the k in her name was a dangerous combination.

“Why a surgeon?” Lexa’s forehead scrunched, and Clarke continued. “I mean…I’ve always found that people normally have their own reasons for choosing the way they do. I was just wondering how you ended up as a surgeon?”

“You are going to think this is completely ridiculous,” Lexa admitted and Clarke instantly smiled. Ridiculous could only be good. “I was ten and Nyko had just broken his arm after falling out of our tree house – mind you, I had told him not to go climbing around on the outside of it, but he never listened to me, despite me being the oldest. Anyway, my mom had to take me with them to the ER because she had no one to watch us and while Nyko was getting x-rayed the nurses gave me all these really cool medical supplies to play with. I loved it. It is probably not the coolest story you’ve ever heard, but it’s the truth.”

Clarke suppressed a giggle. Lexa was right - it was not the coolest story she had heard or the most dramatic one, but it was by far the cutest.

“So what you are saying is that if I bring you a pack of gauze…or let’s say… I up the ante and smuggle out a surgical stapler… I’ll be your new best friend?” Lexa pouted and Clarke threw her head back, unable to contain her laughter any longer. “That’s just precious.”

“I told you it was stupid.” Lexa shrugged, but her lips were slowly curving upwards.

“No seriously,” Clarke laughed. “It’s great. So much better than Wells’ and Maya’s anyway.”

“Wells and Maya?” Lexa asked, and Clarke realized that she would have no way of knowing who they were. This was the first time Clarke had brought them up since arriving in Castine. “Are they friends of yours?”

“Best friends,” Clarke corrected gently. “We all met in med school. They are pretty great, but their stories aren’t as…cute… as yours. In fact Wells’ pretty disgusting, but he means well.”

Lexa nodded her head slowly, before a smirk took over her features. “What about you? What’s your life altering reason for becoming a surgeon? It better not be precious, because if it is… you’ll never hear the end of it.”

Clarke shook her head. She knew Lexa meant it. “I was in the Peace Corps… Botswana, actually. I was only gone for a couple of months, but being over there… it changed me, you know? You can’t see the things I saw and not have something inside you change. When I came home I knew what I wanted to do with my life, so I enrolled at Cornell and never looked back.”

“Wow, okay… That’s a better reason than mine.” Lexa looked almost annoyed when something dawned on her, “and so not precious… in fact it is pretty badass.”

“My reason isn’t better than yours,” Clarke said thoughtfully and she believed it. Any reason for becoming a doctor was still in some way rooted in wanting to help save others, and that said a lot about a person. “Besides if you want to talk about being badass, I think you rank pretty high on the list.”

“Me?” Lexa questioned softly, the compliment taking her by surprise.

“Yes, you.” Clarke turned her head, removing her eyes from the road for a second to let Lexa know that she meant it. “My pops told me that you are a Pediatric surgeon.”  
Lexa nodded.

“I couldn’t do what you do,” Clarke admitted honestly. “I couldn’t operate on children day in and day out. I don’t even think I would last a week, so yes…” Clarke reached over and placed a hand on Lexa’s knee, trying to ignore the way her palm burned at the contact, “the word I use is badass.”

Lexa placed her hand on top of Clarke’s. “Thanks, Clarke.”

There was a brief moment of silence between them, both looking down at their hands. “Is there any chance of you repeating those words to Anya? She seems to think that pediatrics is nothing but sippy cups and diaper changes.”

Clarke barked out a loud laughter, and withdrew her hand from Lexa’s knee, letting it slip out from under the brunette’s bigger one. “Those cardio surgeons are something, alright, but sure, if you set me up with an opportunity I’d be happy to remind her that not all pediatric surgeons wear pink scrub caps with flowers or butterflies on them.”

Clarke’s mouth fell open when Lexa suddenly turned beat red and avoided Clarke’s eyes. “No way… You are one of those? Wow…. You just lost ten points on the badass scale right there.”

“But I thought we had just established that pediatrics was nothing but hardcore,” Lexa desperately tried to save the situation.

“That was prior to the pink scrub cap.” Clarke stepped on the brakes and looked in the side mirror, before flipping the turn signal, maneuvering the car onto the grass on the side of the road. Only two other cars were parked there and Clarke parked as close, to the small pathway that led to the grounds behind Dice Head lighthouse, as she could.

“This looks an awful lot like a normal residential area,” Clarke said, looking at Lexa who only shrugged.

“It’s fine, trust me.”

Clarke still wasn’t sure, but she didn’t have any other option at this point. She would have to trust Lexa.

“I’ll grab Sailor and meet you in front of the car,” Lexa said, opening her own door, climbing out as carefully as possible. Her leg was a little stiff – there was no way for Clarke not to notice.

“So, where to?” Clarke asked when Lexa came around the front, a firm grip on Sailor’s leash.

“The place is not open to the public, but the grounds around it are and I was thinking I could take you down and show you this great spot Nyko and I found when we first moved here. It’s got the most amazing view of the bay and at night time you can see a pillar of light from the lighthouse cast a long glowing beam out onto the water. It’s really something.”

Clarke smiled. This was the second time in a day she had gotten Lexa to mention Nyko and both times the mention of his name had made her face glow.

“We should have come at night time then,” Clarke said. “I would love to see that.”

“Maybe another time?” Lexa offered and Clarke nodded.

They started making their way down the pathway behind the lighthouse, but the grass underneath their feet was wet and Clarke caught herself wanting to reach out and steady Lexa more than once. She had to be struggling with the slippery surface; in fact, it was pretty obvious that she was. Clarke didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, but she knew that if she were to point it out to Lexa she would risk embarrassing her and that was the last thing she wanted.

When they were halfway down the trail, Lexa stopped. “I’m sorry if I’m slowing you down.”

“Not at all,” Clarke said. She looked around them and saw that they were completely alone, so she took a chance. “Sailor won’t run away if I take his leash off him, right?”

Lexa looked down at the dog by her side. “Umm, no.”

Without giving herself a moment to think about it, Clarke bent down and unclasped Sailor, setting the German Sheppard free.

“I don’t think that’s allowed.” Lexa’s voice was a mere whisper, as if she was afraid to get caught. “Didn’t you see the sign?”

“There went another five points from your badass scale. I’d be careful with what I say from now on if I were you.” Clarke’s attempt at being funny seemed to work, and Lexa chuckled.

Clarke mustered up the courage and plastered a smile on her face, before grabbing Lexa’s arm and linking it with hers. “Plus I figured it was easier doing this if you didn’t have to hold on to him. I really don’t want you falling flat on your ass and breaking something, so just try and hold on to me, okay?”

The smile that had lit up Lexa’s face when her arm linked with Clarke’s disappeared quicker than ever before, and she tried to pull it away from Clarke, but the blonde held tight. “Please don’t… I don’t want any pity…”

“Lexa, this is not pity, okay? I would never pity you. You don’t need pity, and holding on to me won’t make you any less special or tough. You are a fighter, Lexa and no one can take that away from you, so just shut up and take my arm.”

The muscles worked hard in Lexa’s jaw and for a fleeting second Clarke feared she had ruined their day, and she badly didn’t want that to be the case, so when Lexa’s body relaxed against Clarke’s side - no one could wipe the joy off her face. This was progress. They had finally made some real progress in their friendship and Clarke was ecstatic.

“Okay.” Lexa’s green eyes met Clarke’s and everything that needed to be said was exchanged in that one single glance. Lexa was taking a chance on someone new and Clarke would do everything in her power not to let her down.

“Okay,” Clarke repeated and started walking.

“But there will be no carrying… at any point!” Lexa was quick to state. “I’d rather crawl back up this hill than have you carry me.”

“Deal,” Clarke confirmed. “No carrying, just crawling.”

With Clarke’s help they slowly made their way down the path and out onto the flat top of a cliff that overlooked the entire bay. The water sparkled in the sunlight and the wind that swept across the water forced it to beat upon the rocks beneath them. This was nothing like Miami, everything around her looked completely untouched as if no one had changed a thing since the moment the place had been created and Clarke couldn’t take her eyes away. This place was special.

“I told you it was awesome,” Lexa’s voice whispered, the wind threatening to carry it away from Clarke’s ears, but the blonde heard and she turned her head to look at Lexa.

Her dark hair was swaying in the wind and her cheeks were pink, the cold blustery weather, obviously forcing its mark upon her, but what got Clarke the most was her eyes. The sunlight reflected in them in a way she had never seen before and it stole Clarke’s breath right out of her chest. This woman was stunning. She was extremely stunning and if Niylah had showed up right in front of her, she wouldn’t have had any way to justify the way she was looking at Lexa right now.

Lexa’s eyes met Clarke’s and the smile faded. The tension roaming the air between them was strong enough to create cracks in the solid rock beneath their feet, and powerful enough to keep both women rooted in place. This was dangerous territory and Clarke knew it. But Lexa’s clear, green eyes pierced into her like a vine slowly wrapping around a stem. In that moment she had no idea how she would react if she had to spend the rest of her life without ever seeing those green eyes again.  
The ringing of a familiar ringtone penetrated the air, and Clarke felt a vibration against her stomach, but it wasn’t until Lexa’s gaze fell on her pocket that Clarke snapped out of her haze and realized that it was her phone that was ringing, and judging by the ringtone it could only be Niylah.

Clarke didn’t know why, but it felt incredibility wrong to have Niylah intrude upon their moment - Niylah of all people. But Clarke also knew that it was probably for the best.

“I’m sorry,” Clarke said, pulling the phone out of her pocket. “I have to take this.”

Lexa nodded understandingly and returned her gaze to the water below them, finally severing the connection that had set their worlds on fire for a few moments.  
Clarke took a few steps away from where they had been standing, wanting to be out of earshot, before she answered this call.

“Hi,” Clarke said softly.

“Hi, honey,” Niylah’s soft voice carried over the phone. “I miss you.”

Clarke’s eyes landed on Lexa’s back. “Yeah, I miss you too.”

“When are you coming back? You are coming back, right? We need to talk about this, Clarke. I know I didn’t exactly handle it very well when you told me about Seattle, but I’m willing to talk now…really talk and hear what you are saying….try to see it from your perspective, just come back, please, baby,” Niylah was one step from pleading, something she never did and Clarke bit her lip, hearing Niylah sad always went straight to her heart, but something was different.

Things were changing. She didn’t know what was happening, but she felt it. Something inside her had shifted – in a big way.

“Niylah, I’m not coming back. I told you this. I’m in Castine and you told me you needed space to think about it and that’s what I’ve given you. I think we probably both needed space to think, and I’m done thinking. I’m taking the job in Seattle and I would love nothing more than for you to come with me, but I can’t force you to move across the country for me, baby. I won’t do that to you, so you need to figure out if this is something that could also be for you. If this is something you want….” Clarke trailed off.

“I want you,” Niylah said softly. “I want us.”

“But what if that ‘us’ has to be in Seattle…do you still want that?” The question was monumental, and the hesitation on the other end said everything Clarke needed to know – Niylah still wasn’t sure.

“Clarke,” Niylah whispered. There was a long pause between them before Niylah brokenly said. “You didn’t even take your ring with you.”

Horrible was an understatement for the way Clarke felt at Niylah’s reminder. She felt like a horrible person for doing this to her fiancée. “I figured that when we both knew what we wanted we would know what to do with it.”

Her reasoning sounded flat even to her own ears.

Niylah sighed. “I just… I really, really miss you, and being here without you is so lonely. Your sister and Maya came by yesterday and I knew that I had to call you. I had to hear your voice.”

Clarke turned her back to Lexa, and wiped a tear away. The warm drop of water stung more than her cheek, it stung her heart. “Niylah, please don’t make this harder than it has to be. When you know what you want I’ll be here waiting, okay? I’m not going anywhere.”

Clarke desperately wanted the last part to be true, but she could feel Lexa’s penetrating eyes on her back and her confidence in her words faltered.

“Okay,” Niylah said at last.

Clarke shook her head. “Listen, honey, I have to go, okay? I’ll call you some other time.”

“Sure.” Niylah’s voice betrayed her words. She didn’t sound too sure that Clarke would call her again anytime soon. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Clarke said, a clump of emotions forming in her throat. She knew she loved Niylah, so why it felt like a lie in that moment – she didn’t know. Why did she feel bad for expressing something she knew to be true? Clarke did love Niylah, but maybe it was the in love part she was starting to question and that was a slippery slope.

“Bye.” It was the last word Clarke heard before the line went dead, and with a deep breath Clarke turned around and walked back over to where Lexa was standing, with Sailor sitting by her side.

“Is everything okay?” Lexa asked softly.

“Yep,” Clarke said, “just a call from back home. I should have turned off my phone.”

A brief look of hesitation caused Lexa’s face to form a few deep lines. “Don’t you want to talk to your friends from back home?”

“I do, but I was enjoying being here with you.” Clarke figured honesty was the best way to go, especially considering the added information she was withholding. “Thank you for taking me.”

“Thank you for coming.” Clarke felt Lexa’s eyes on her, before they fell to the ground. “I haven’t been here since Nyko died… I just couldn’t. This is the place we would go when we needed to think or just wanted to have some time to talk.”

Clarke got up the courage and linked their arms again. “I’m really proud of you, Lexa. It must have taken a lot for you to come back out here…. You are really amazing…and I mean that.”

“Thank you, Clarke.” Lexa moved her arm enough for her palm to reach Clarke’s and she gently intertwined their fingers. She didn’t know what to make of the gesture, but she liked it. There was no denying that fact. Lexa’s skin felt comforting and soft against hers, only her fingertips felt cold.

“How much do you know?” The question took Clarke by surprise. She didn’t know what Lexa meant.

“What do you mean?” Clarke asked.

“About me.” She kept Clarke’s hand in hers, but she angled her body towards the blonde. There was nothing but curiosity in her voice. “You said people talk, so I was just curious.”

Clarke got why Lexa would ask. If she was in her position she would want to know too. “I know about the accident… how you were t-boned in an intersection and pushed into oncoming traffic…. I know that you are a pediatric surgeon. I know who your parents are…”

Clarke’s voice trailed off, an obvious sign that she didn’t know how to continue.

“There’s more…” Lexa concluded. She could sense Clarke was holding back and she had a feeling she knew what that last piece of information was. “Come on you can say it…”

Clarke eyes fell to the ground. The last shred of information was new, in fact she only knew because Raven had told her during one of their lunches last week. The shock value Raven had gotten out of that information was more than she had bargained for, but Clarke was certain Raven had enjoyed seeing Clarke almost choke on her glass of coke.

“I heard you lost your girlfriend after the crash… that she couldn’t handle the…”

“Mess?” Lexa supplied a hint of a bite to her tone. “That’s about right.”

“Lexa, she was a fool…you know that, right?” Clarke tried to get through to the blonde, before she slipped away and once again sought solace behind the walls she had spend months building. 

Lexa looked down at their joined hands. “Does it bother you?”

“Does what bother me?” Clarke asked, following Lexa’s eyes.

“That I’m gay?” Clarke’s eyes snapped up and Lexa’s head did the same. Clarke saw a glimpse of fear flash in Lexa’s eyes, but it didn’t stop a laugh from spilling from Clarke’s throat.

“Lexa, no… God, no… just no…”

Lexa looked relieved, and her tense shoulders visibly sagged.

“Lexa… I’m gay, too… or bi… or whatever you’d like me to call it…I thought you kne…” Clarke stopped rambling when she saw Lexa’s shocked expression. Clearly, this was news to the brunette and she had no idea how to figure out if Lexa was pleased or not.

Did it even matter to Clarke what she was?

The answer came when a lazy smile turned the corners of Lexa’s lips upwards and her eyes got a soft expression, suddenly studying Clarke in a new way.

Yes, what Lexa thought did matter, and the warm feeling in the pit of her stomach rolled like a wildfire.

What in the world was she getting herself into?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all liked the new chapter! =) Next chapter should be up sometime on Wednesday =)


	5. Chapter 5

“Are you going to do it?” Anya plopped down in the chair opposite the one Lexa was occupying, taking a sizable bite out of her apple. She waggled her eyebrows, while trying to chew the big bite into manageable pieces.

“Jesus, Anya, warn a woman, will you?” Lexa held a hand to her heart and an annoyed glance was shot straight towards Anya. “And no I will not be doing _it_ if that _it_ refers to something that starts with a C and ends with an lark Griffin. Forget it, Anya.”

Anya swallowed the last remains of apple in her mouth. “But why? You two have gotten awfully chummy during the last two weeks. Lexa, you need to make a move…if not for you then for my sanity, because the tension between the two of you is suffocating the rest of us. People are starting to wonder if you hurt your eyesight in the accident too, or your brain. Do I need to get you a CT scan?”

“It’s just not happening, Anya, okay? It is just not.” Anya looked severely unimpressed with that decision.

“Give me one good reason why? One! That is all I am asking.” Anya leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms across her chest.

Frustrated, Lexa ran a hand through her chair, blowing out air from puffy cheeks. “Anya, she’ll be gone in two months. We’ve already had this conversation.”

“I’m not asking you to marry the woman!” Anya all but screamed and Lexa shot the other guests in Luna’s diner an apologetic smile. If Anya didn’t keep her voice down there would be no need for her to tell Clarke anything, because their conversation would have reached her long before Lexa ever could.

“Anya, for Pete’s sake, keep your voice down,” Lexa hissed, her eyes widening. “What’s the matter with you?”

Anya uncrossed her arms and leaned towards Lexa, her hands reaching out to grab the water bottle on the table. She turned the bottle in her hands, looking at the perfectly intact label that was plastered to its side. She held it out in front of her.

“This is what’s wrong… this label should be torn to pieces… you should be clawing it apart that’s how sexually frustrated you should be by what is happening between you and Clarke.” Anya lowered her voice another octave, but it remained annoyed. “Lexa, I am sexually frustrated by what’s happening between the two of you, okay! You can’t keep doing this to me. For the sake of our friendship I need you to sleep with Clarke and just get laid already… _please_.”

Out of fear of the level of frustration Anya was showing Lexa refrained from telling Anya that the water bottle she was using as evidence wasn’t hers. It was on the table when she sat down; she just hadn’t bothered to throw it away.

To try and navigate towards safer ground, Lexa decided to throw her a bone. “Anya, Clarke doesn’t think of me in that way…we are just friends, and I’m fine with that…seriously.”

Anya’s eyebrows rose, and her face mirrored one of pure incredulity. “Lexa, you all but stormed into my house when you found out Clarke was into women…and you haven’t stormed anywhere in the past year… you’ve crawled, limped and fumbled your way through everything since you lost Nyko, but this time you stormed. Your emotions pinballed so fast between overjoyed and terrified that they were giving me whiplash.”

“Anya, that’s not the point,” Lexa tried to argue. “The fact that _I_ stormed doesn’t mean that _she_ stormed too.”

“How do you know that?” Lexa couldn’t figure out if Anya’s voice was sad or annoyed. She was guessing it was the latter.

“Because….” Lexa tried to come up with a reason, but the fact was that she didn’t know what Clarke thought about their friendship - if the stunning blonde even saw the potential for more, or if Lexa was nothing but a friend in her eyes. If that was all they ever could be.

“There is no because,” Anya said with finality in her voice. “Why can’t you see what the rest of us see? Clarke likes you Lexa. She may not say it out loud…and God only knows why… but she doesn’t have to be the one to make the first move.”

“You are only saying this because you are my friend, Anya. Why would she want me? Clarke can have anyone she wants…. man or woman might I add…. Why would she want some female, brunette version of Dr. House?”

“Maybe she is into that sort of thing,” Anya mused and Lexa slapped her arm, wanting her to be serious. “Lexa, forget about the leg for a second. You are a purebred brunette, bombshell and if you would just give people the time of day you would have women lining up behind you. Seriously, you would be fighting them off with a bat or something.”

Lexa raised an eyebrow. “I think that’s going a bit far.”

Anya’s lips pursed and she looked ready to slap Lexa, so the smaller brunette relented, holding her hands up in front of her. “I hear you… just… let me do this at my pace, okay?”

Anya looked ready to give up, and she pinched the bridge of her nose. “Lexa, a glacier grows faster than your pace at the moment. If we do it your way Clarke won’t know anything until we are all old and grey and that seriously takes the fun away from everything.”

Lexa took a deep breath, shaking her head. “What do you suggest then?... And if you say that I just need to jump her bones or flash my northern mountains I’ll slap you into the middle of next week.”

“No need for being testy with me,” Anya said, a small smile growing on her lips. “I’m not saying that you have to tie her down and start practicing the horizontal mambo or anything… just… Look it is like a surgery, okay? We all have to do a little bit of research, before we get to the prepping of the patient, never mind the actual surgery itself. Now you, you’ve already done some of the research, but you still have a few pages to go before you know how to go about this particular surgery and I’m just saying that Octavia and Lincoln’s Halloween party this weekend could be your perfect place to get the last of your reading done.”

Despite her better judgment Lexa felt somewhat impressed by Anya’s speech. She wasn’t sure she completely got what her friend was getting at, but she admired Anya for managing to sum up dating into surgical terms. That was a feat in its own.

“And when all of this blows up in my face? Then what?” Lexa looked expectantly at Anya. As much as she wanted to she couldn’t deny that Clarke had managed to stir something inside her. The numb, ice-cold feeling she had gotten used to, was slowly being replaced by something new and it frightened her. It was threatening to drag her out of her comfort zone – something she would have sworn would never happen. She was happy being numb, and no one would ever change that. She wasn’t even sure if she wanted it to change.

“Then you’ll know,” Anya said as if it wasn’t a big deal, but the problem was that to Lexa it was a big deal. It was a very big deal. She looked down at her hand when she felt Anya cover it with her own. “I don’t think it will though. That woman wants you too, Woods, so do us all a favor and let her know that you are interested.”

“But how, Anya?” Lexa asked defeated. She felt completely off her game and the mere thought of Clarke knowing that Lexa’s feelings ran a little deeper than friendship was mind-blowingly terrifying.

“Sweetie, I don’t need to tell you how. You’ve never had any problems getting girls before, so don’t doubt yourself now. The second you pop that smile and light up those green eyes of yours you’ll be in like Flynn, okay?”

Lexa laughed, before nodding her head. She was really thankful that Anya was still in her life after everything she had put her though since the accident. “Okay.”

“Okay,” Anya echoed, grinning. “Now we just need to figure out what you should wear for Lincoln and Octavia’s Halloween party.”

Lexa knew it was time to lay out some ground rules, before Anya had a chance to convince her to let her take the lead, which would undoubtedly result in her wearing something closely resembling a bikini. With the huge scars the accident had left, she was a long way from letting people see just how much damage her body had suffered.

“It will not involve tiny pink bunny ears, Anya, nor will I dress up as some slutty nurse,” Lexa declared strongly and Anya deflated. There went plan A and B.

“Is that your way of saying you’ve been there and done that?” Anya asked, trying to sound annoyed, but fell short. Lexa rolled her eyes at Anya’s teasing. Brooks knew very well that Lexa had never dressed up as either.

“Can’t I be something simple? Like Wonderwoman, maybe? I think I still have that costume from a few years back,” Lexa reasoned, but Anya shook her head. “What about something cute then? I could be a female Peter Pan? That could be fun.”

“Can’t we go from something hot instead of cute?” Anya asked, leaning back in her chair. She was picking at the label of the water bottle, and the sight almost made Lexa laugh. “Oh, I know. What about dressing up as a hot marine? I could totally see you rocking a pair of beige cargo pant and a white tank top! We’ll even get you a pair of dog tags and aviators to go with it. Clarke won’t know what hit her.”

“Hot marine, huh?” Lexa mused. She kind of liked that idea.

“It could be totally great,” Anya insisted. “Not as great as my costume of course, but I still think you’ll knock Clarke’s socks off.”

Lexa snickered. “And what are you going as?”

“Supergirl,” Anya said. “Roan is going as Captain America.”

“Why can’t I be Wonderwoman, then?” 

“Because the marine thing is way more badass, and I have a feeling that Clarke likes badass. Don’t you want to be badass, Lexa?” Anya raised an eyebrow, and crossed her arms across her chest. The look Anya had on her face reminded Lexa of the one her dad would give her when he was trying to guilt her into something, and as always – it was working.

“Yes,” came Lexa’s mumbled reply.

“Then it’s settled,” Anya said happily, her threatening expression gone in a matter of seconds. “Roan and I will come by and pick you up on Saturday and we’ll all go together. How does that sound?”

A deep red color bloomed on Lexa’s cheeks. “Umm…”

“Umm what?” Anya asked. “Why umm?”

“I already, sort of have… a ride….” Lexa’s eyes were anywhere but on Anya’s and she completely missed the smug smirk Anya was giving her.

Anya chuckled. “This person giving you a ride wouldn’t happen to be the person who drives a black rental Range Rover?”

“Why are we talking about Ortho’s car? Did she do some illegal parking? Oh! Is there a body in the trunk? Can I prosecute someone?”

Anya and Lexa turned to watch Octavia, Echo and Raven pull up a few extra chairs, settling themselves at their table. Raven’s eyes were sparkling and she looked expectantly back and forth between Lexa and Anya. Raven’s love for her job was unhealthy at the best of time, but more often than not it was downright disturbing.

“Not unless you want to prosecute her for giving Woods a lift to Octavia’s party on Saturday?” Anya remarked and Raven’s excitement dwindled.

“You are going with Clarke, Lexa? That’s great! She seems really nice,” Echo said, taking a sip of her glass of juice.

“Not exactly going _with_ ,” Lexa tried to argue. She didn’t want any rumors spreading and in this town they were sure to do if you didn’t nip them in the bud. “Clarke heard I was going and since we live next door to each other she said it would only make sense.”

“Ouch,” Raven said, her face forming into a grimace. “That’s not exactly an invitation for a booty call, is it?”

“Raven!” Octavia hissed, pinching her friend’s leg, but noticeably relaxed when Lexa laughed.

“No… no it isn’t,” Lexa agreed. “But we are just friends anyway, so why would it be?”

Lexa and Anya shared a tightlipped smile. Just because she had discussed her feelings towards Clarke with Anya didn’t mean she was willing to do the same with the twisted sisters and Echo. She loved her friends. She did. She really loved them, but they had a tendency to think with their ass when they got drunk and she wasn’t taking any chances. She did not want Raven Reyes blurting some insensitive comment to Clarke in a drunken Freudian slip.

Raven shrugged. “I still think you want to get your freak on with the bone breaker. She’s totally your type.”

“Aww, Raven,” Lexa said softly, and leaned towards Raven to place a hand on her upper arm. “You do care about me. Who knew you paid so much attention to my love life? It’s really sweet.”

It had the desired effect and Raven visibly shrunk back in her seat. The gossiping was over.

“You know, I liked you a whole lot more when you were dark and twisted. This return of the perkiness is gross.” 

Raven’s comment made the rest of the women laugh and Lexa felt something inside her soften. Raven was right. Ever since Clarke had shown up in her life, she had felt herself letting go of the reins every now and again, and it felt liberating to just slow down and take a moment to breathe instead of constantly trying to power through and hold every emotion imaginable doormat. No matter what happened with Clarke, she couldn’t deny that the beautiful stranger’s appearance in her life had made a difference. She wondered how many people were starting to notice. If Raven had there was no way she had been hiding anything from her parents.

“Well, I for one think it is great,” Octavia said confidently. “It is nice to see you smile again.”

“Barf,” Raven said vehemently.

Lexa shook her head in amusement, pushing her chair back just enough to get up. “As much fun as this has been I have to get going. I will see all of you on Saturday.”

“Do you want a lift?” Anya offered, moving to stand as well, but Lexa waved her off with a polite smile.

“That’s okay; a little walk would do me some good.”

It was only a two mile walk and it was good for her leg. Every day the muscles would get better and with winter coming up she knew it was important to keep herself strong. The biting cold, Maine winter weather was bound to have some sort of effect on her and she wasn’t keen on finding out to which extent those effects would influence her. She already felt a little added stiffness in the morning and the cold bit more than usual, but it wasn’t unbearably like it had been the first few months after getting home from the hospital.

She heard the sound of a car coming up behind her and she took a few steps to the side, making sure she was off the main road and on the grass in the ditch. The car stopped besides her and she smiled when she saw the woman behind the wheel push her sunglasses on top of her head.

The blue eyes staring back at her twinkled in the sunlight.

“Hi, stranger,” Clarke said, leaning over the passenger side as much as possible, while still keeping control of the car. “What are you doing out here?”

Lexa walked over and learned against the door, planting her right arm on the top part of the frame. “I was just on my way home actually. What about you?”

“That’s a secret,” Clarke grinned.

“Oh, I’m intrigued,” Lexa smirked. “Any chance of you sharing that secret with me?”

“You’ll see soon enough,” Clarke promised and pointed towards the backseat with her thumb. A suit bag was lying out across it, and Lexa nodded approvingly. She wondered what Clarke was going as, but then again – it didn’t really matter. Clarke would look stunning wearing nothing but a paper bag in Lexa’s mind.

“You better not have a supergirl costume in that bag, because that will seriously bust Anya’s bubble,” Lexa teased.

“No supergirl costume, I swear,” Clarke said, giving Lexa a once over. “If anyone should be accused of stealing the supergirl look it should be you with your athletic body and all.”

They both noticed the slip, but took it in stride. Lexa tried to ignore the way her heart beat increased at the compliment. It had been a long time since she had felt even remotely good about her body, but Clarke accidently complimenting her brought back some of her confidence – even if it was only a fraction.

Lexa cleared her throat. “So…are you going to offer me a lift? Or are you going to let me wobble home on these unsteady sticks formerly known as my legs?”

“That depends,” Clarke said with a smile, reaching out to place her hand on the door handle.

“On?” Lexa asked, leaning more fully on her arm.

“Can we agree that this car is an Lexa bash free zone?” Clarke sounded like she was teasing, but Lexa caught the hint of seriousness and lowered her eyes to the ground, before meeting Clarke’s blue orbs once again.

She nodded her head softly. “Yes.”

“Hop on in then,” Clarke said with a smile and pulled on the handle enough to open the door and let Lexa slide into the seat next to her. Lexa fastened her seatbelt, but Clarke’s stare caught her eyes.

“What?” she chuckled nervously. 

“You are such a moron,” Clarke laughed, placing her hand on Lexa’s left thigh, immediately making the brunette flinch. No one got to touch it. No one.

Lexa’s entire body stiffened, but Clarke didn’t remove her hand and as a protection mechanism she clamped her own hand on top of Clarke’s, holding on tight, so it didn’t move without her permission. The heat drained from her body and her stare was now fixed on their hands. The increased heart beat didn’t stem from a good place this time. She was scared. She didn’t want Clarke to feel how deformed all the scar tissue had made her thigh.

“Clarke…” The blonde’s name came out as a broken whimper.

“Does it hurt?” Clarke asked, but despite the nature of her question there wasn’t any concern to trace in her voice. Lexa had a feeling that Clarke already knew the answer and she took a second to let herself feel the contact.

“No…” Lexa’s whispered, marveling quietly at the truth. She had been so scared to let anyone touch her out of fear that a simple touch would be agonizing, but Clarke’s soft fingers on top of her denim clad thigh felt oddly nice. “It doesn’t hurt.”

Clarke’s thumb stroked the outer side of Lexa’s thigh. “You are stronger than you think, Lexa. You need to stop being so hard on yourself. The fact that you survived a crash like that is nothing short of a miracle.”

“It doesn’t feel like a miracle,” Lexa admitted, gradually loosening her grip to the point where her hands were merely laying on top of Clarke’s.

“Hi, look at me,” Clarke said softly, and placed her finger under Lexa’s chin to life her head up. When Lexa’s eyes met Clarke’s she felt herself tear up. “You survived. You are still standing and breathing, when you probably shouldn’t be. That’s a miracle. I know that I’ve never met Nyko, but I would bet my medical degree that he wouldn’t want to see you this down and broken. If you can’t smile for yourself then you need to do it for him, okay? You need to honor his life by living yours.”

“But how?” Lexa asked, her free hand coming up to grip Clarke’s wrist. “I don’t know how.”

“You get out of bed in the morning and you live, okay? You go to work and you go on dates to find that dream woman of yours. And then maybe someday when the time is right you’ll ask her to marry you and little by little the full picture will start to form again, and all the while Nyko will be right behind you. He’s got your back, Lexa. He will always have your back.” Clarke brought her hand up and wiped away a few tears with the pad of her thumb.

Lexa’s breath hitched when she saw Clarke’s face coming closer and she automatically closed her eyes. Her heart had stopped she realized and breathlessly she waited for Clarke’s lips to make contact with hers, but when she felt a pair of soft lips brush against her right cheek, before switching to her left one she opened her eyes, to find a smiling Clarke looking back.

“Thank you,” Lexa whispered, not knowing what else to say.

“You are welcome.” Clarke brought their intertwined hands off Lexa’s left leg and up to her mouth, placing a gentle kiss on the back of Lexa’s hand. “Now let’s go home, okay? My pops get’s very cranky if dinner isn’t ready at six.”

Lexa wiped the remaining tears away and chuckled hoarsely. “Let’s go then. I wouldn’t want to be the one responsible for keeping Mr. Griffin waiting.”

“Smart women,” Clarke commented with a wink.

Saturday rolled around too slowly for Lexa’s liking and she was ready to go an hour before she had promised to be at Clarke’s house. She took one last look in the mirror. Her hair was pulled back in an all business ponytail and the beige cargo pants and white tank top clung to her frame. She pushed the aviator’s down over her eyes and gave herself a little nod. Maybe Anya had been onto something when she suggested going this route.

She needed to show Clarke that she was working on being better. That she could be the badass person that Clarke saw in her. Her cheeks flamed at the memory of their talk in Clarke’s car. She felt embarrassed that she had let herself go in front of Clarke like that. Crying snot in the arms of the woman she was trying to impress certainly wasn’t the most brilliant strategy she had ever come up with, and she wanted to make up for it.

She walked down the stairs and into her parents’ living room, where they were both watching reruns of Dancing with the Stars.

Her father muted the TV and looked up at her. “Is this your way of telling us that you’ve joined the army?”

“Oh, Gustus, hush” Indra sighed. “It’s her Halloween costume. Doesn’t she look wonderful?”

“Wonderful?” Lexa deflated. Not exactly the look she was going for. Badass, hardcore were more along the lines she had aimed at. She thought that the boots and dog tags were enough to at least move her up to semi badass. “Gee thanks, mom.”

“Victor said you are going with Clarke?” Indra said, stopping the knitting for a second. She laid it down in her lap.

“I am,” Lexa confirmed. “She offered to drive, and I said yes.”

The smile that crept across Indra’s face, made Lexa shake her head. Her mother was impossible. “It is not a date.”

“I didn’t say anything,” Indra defended herself, before mumbling. “But the girl is nice.”

“Okay,” Lexa laughed. “I’m going now. Bye.”

She didn’t care that she wasn’t meant to be at Victor’s for another forty minutes, but she felt an interrogation coming on and she really wanted to avoid that. She walked across their front yards and onto Victor’s front porch. It was Victor who opened the door and let her into the house, telling her that Clarke was upstairs getting ready.

When she finally reached Clarke’s door, she knocked softly and the sight that met her when it opened was enough to make her mouth drop. Tonight would be torture, absolute torture. Clarke was standing before her in a long white dress, a gold belt wrapped around her just below her bust. She was the picture perfect version of a Greek Goddess. It simply wasn’t fair that she could look that good.

“W…wow…” Lexa stuttered, her cheeks flaming. “You look…”

“Good? I hope,” Clarke grinned.

“Yes… yes… good… really good…” Lexa said, forcing her eyes to remain on Clarke’s. If they strayed lower she would be heading into dangerous territory.

“Thanks,” Clarke laughed. “You look great by the way. I love the whole military thing. Hot.”

Lexa didn’t reply. Her mouth felt drier than cotton. But she managed a nod. She didn’t even have the mental capacity to shake herself out of it and make herself pull it together. She was one step from drooling. Somewhere deep inside she knew she needed to stop, but as the night wore on it didn’t get better. She spent the whole drive to Octavia’s house doing everything in her power to make conversation like a normal person. Clarke had an unparalleled effect on her. It was unsettling.

“I told you the military thing would work for you,” Anya said smugly when Lexa stepped through the door, followed closely by Clarke. Anya’s jaw dropped when Clarke entered.

“Close it,” Lexa mumbled under her breath, nudging Anya subtly. “You are staring.”

Clarke greeted Anya quickly before Raven pulled her away, claiming she needed to try one of her new creations. Lexa offered her an encouraging smile, before she was pulled out of sight.

Anya laughed. “You are in so much trouble. Did you see her?”

“I saw her,” Lexa said, her tone harsh and annoyed. Of course she saw her. How could she not see her? Even a blind person could see that hotness from miles away. “I’ve spent the last hour forcing my eyes to remain on her face, Anya…”

The taller woman laughed. “It’s not funny, Anya. I’m so screwed. What am I going to do?”

“What do you mean ‘what am I going to do?’ You are going to grow up and do something about this, before she turns Reyes gay or something. Lord, knows there will be no stopping Raven,” Anya said, turning Lexa in the direction Clarke had just disappeared in. “Now go save your woman. Be a badass marine.”

A little push from Anya set her on her way towards the bar area.

She frowned when she didn’t see Clarke, but only Raven, who were mixing drinks while talking to Octavia.

“Where’s Clarke?” Lexa asked, taking the cup Raven was offering her. A little liquid courage wouldn’t go amiss tonight.

“Phone call,” Raven replied, pushing the button on her drink mixer. “How she hid a phone anywhere in that costume is mind boggling.”

“She went into the kitchen,” Octavia supplied helpfully, handing Lexa another drink. “Give this to her. She didn’t have a chance to get one before she left.”

“Thanks, Blake,” Lexa said and went off in search of Clarke.

She stepped into the hallway and paused when she heard Clarke’s voice. She was almost whispering, making Lexa feel like she was intruding. She had no way of knowing who Clarke was talking to, and for a second she considered going back into the living room and just wait for Clarke to finish her call, but when a sad sigh reached her ears, she found herself unable to leave. She took a step closer to the door, but remained just out of sight.

“Seriously, how much have you had to drink, sweetie?” she heard Clarke’s voice ask, and Lexa frowned. Who was she talking to? Wells? Or maybe Maya?

“No, I’m not saying that…. I’m not Niylah… just…”

Niylah? Who was Niylah?

“Yes, of course I am at a party, too! It’s Hallowe….with _friends_ , Niylah.”

Lexa knew she needed to leave. She felt like she was spying and she really didn’t want to be that girl. If Clarke had something to tell her then she would - finding out this way wasn’t any better than Clarke hearing about her past through the town’s gossip mill.

She wanted Clarke to want to tell her herself.

“No, Niylah… just no…seriously, stop it. You’ve had too much to drink. Let me call Wells and have him take you home? Please?” Clarke’s voice was desperate and annoyed at the same time. It made Lexa want to comfort her.

She stepped into the doorway, getting ready to make her presence known, but Clarke’s back was turned to her and the tension radiating off her body made it all the way across the room.

“You did not just say that,” Clarke voice turned cold, and Lexa stopped herself from speaking up. That tone was chilling. “I’m in the middle of Bumble Fuck Maine… of course I’m not cheating on you! Who would I cheat on you with?...”

Lexa felt like she had been slapped. Bumble Fuck Maine? Cheating? What had she been thinking? Of course someone like Clarke wasn’t single. How stupid - stupid, stupid, stupid. The army brat and the Miami city girl? In what life? 

“No, Niylah, no… stop, okay? .... I promise you there is no one special here…” Clarke’s broken whisper made the bile rise in Lexa’s throat.

Her body went numb; everything except her heart froze. The small cracks dominoed through her heart, threatening to splinter it right there in her chest. It hurt like it hadn’t in months, like she hadn’t thought it ever would again. One cup slipped from her hand and the sound it made when it connected with the tiled floor beneath her feet made Clarke whirl around.

When their eyes met a matching look of heartbreak rooted in their eyes. Clarke opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. What could she possibly say? Lexa felt herself slowly drown in a sea of hopelessness. There was no way to recover from this.

All the cards were on the table now.

_No one special_.

That was who she was to Clarke.

_No one special_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a bit of a busy week ahead, so I thought I'd update early =) Hope y'all liked the chapter? Let me know what you think =)


	6. Chapter 6

She hadn’t slept for days. Whenever she tried to close her eyes all she saw was two green orbs torturing her with their heartbreaking sadness. The realization that Lexa had overheard her conversation had stunned her to the core. It had simply sucked the air out of her lungs in one foul swoop. She had tried to explain, desperately fumbled for a way to stop Lexa from fleeing, but in that moment she had been stuck between a rock and a hard place, making it impossible for her to form words. Her fiancée had been on the phone and hanging up wouldn’t have been a pretty sight either, but that didn’t stop her from feeling terrible. The thought that Lexa had gotten the wrong idea was eating her alive.

She needed to apologize. She needed to explain. More importantly – she needed to make things okay.

Outside her window the sun was little by little rising above the horizon, slowly lighting up the bay in front of her grandfather’s house. The sun sparkled in the water and the sky was turning into a warm orange color. She used to love sunrises when she was a kid, and more often than not she would try to sneak down to the beach to watch it rise above the Atlantic Ocean.

She was taken aback when she saw a lone figure sitting on the end of her neighbor’s dock, and the dark hair that swayed gently in the breeze could only belong to one person. Lexa. She hadn’t seen the other surgeon since the party, and walking over to knock on the Woods’ front door hadn’t seemed like the best of plans, so she had waited for the right moment. She really hoped this was it. She pulled a hoodie over her head, and grabbed her Ugg boots, before treading downstairs. She didn’t want to wake her grandfather.

She pushed open the door that lead to her grandfather’s back porch, and braced herself for the cold.

“You are up early, Clarke,” Victor’s voice made Clarke jump, and she turned on the spot, coming face to face with her grandfather who was sitting in his old rocker - bundled up in blanket.

“I…I…” Clarke had a hand on her beating heart, trying to will it back to a normal rhythm. “What are you doing up?”

“The sunrise is very pretty up here,” Victor replied casually, never taking his eyes off the bay. “You shouldn’t disturb her, you know?”

“I’m sorry, what?” Clarke asked.

“Lexa.” Victor nodded in the direction of the other woman. “Don’t go down there unless she invited you. Did she invite you, Clarke?”

“Umm, no, but…”

Victor interrupted. “Then don’t go. Let her have these moments to herself. I think they bring her some kind of peace.”

“I need to talk to her and I haven’t seen her for days,” Clarke said quietly. She was not getting into this conversation with her grandfather. This was between her and Lexa.

“Whatever you did…” Victor’s voice was calm and comforting. The old man hardly ever lost his composure and troubles of the heart weren’t something he hadn’t dealt with before. “… isn’t bad enough that you need to fix it right now. It can wait.”

“No, actually…” Clarke started, but stopped. “Who said I did anything wrong?”

Victor reached out and took Clarke’s hand in his. “It can wait, sweetheart.”

Clarke lifted her gaze from her grandfather to Lexa who was now slowly running her hand down Sailor’s back. The sight of the two of them out on the end of the dock was worth a thousand postcards and the scene made Clarke’s heart hurt a little more than it already was. She felt torn. How could Lexa make her heart race, and jump, and swoop at the mere sight of her, when she had Niylah waiting for her? It wasn’t right and something needed to change. She just wasn’t sure what.

Clarke steeled her shoulders. “I’m done giving her space and I think the rest of you should be, too. Raven was right. All of you have been coddling her and it isn’t doing her any good.”

“Clarke, no,” Victor said again – this time with more conviction, but his words fell on deaf ears. “You don’t know what you are doing.”

“Actually, I think I do.” 

She didn’t, but she wasn’t about to let him know that. All she knew was that she needed to talk to Lexa and if that meant walking into enemy territory then that was something she would have to risk.

She walked down the wet grass, trying to think of what to say, but she came up empty. She had had days to think about how she would make this up to Lexa. How she would explain that she had gotten the wrong idea and that what she had overheard couldn’t be further from the truth, but all those thoughts seemed to evaporate into thin air the closer she got to Lexa.

When she stepped onto the dock the boards squeaked and Sailor turned his head. His tail immediately started wagging and he came running towards her. She bent down to greet the German Shepherd, gently giving him a kiss on his forehead, but when she lifted her eyes again they instantly connected with Lexa’s.

Clarke feared she would get up and leave at the sight of her, but Lexa simply turned her head back around, once again facing the water. Clarke figured being ignored was better than being shouted at. She walked the last feet separating them and came to a stop just behind the spot Lexa was sitting on.

“May I sit?” Clarke asked. She looked at the free spot on the blanket Lexa was sitting on, but she heard no reply.

When she got no invitation she decided to push the brunette’s limits and sat down without one, leaving a few inches of space between them. Her feet dangled in the air and she leaned forward, trying to figure out how far above the water’s surface they were.

“I’ve been meaning to apologize.” Lexa’s hoarse voice caught Clarke by surprise. Apologize? What could she possibly have to apologize for? “I’ve been avoiding you.”

_Oh_.

“I’m just so embarrassed.” Lexa tucked her head against her chest. Clarke didn’t like the way Lexa’s shoulders were sagged in defeat or the way she refused to look at her.

“Lexa, if anyone should be apologizing, it should be me,” Clarke said, sneaking a glance at the other woman. “What you heard…”

“It is no big deal,” Lexa said quickly, but Clarke stopped her by placing a hand on Lexa’s knee.

“I hurt your feelings,” Clarke stated quietly. “That’s always a big deal.”

Clarke gently grabbed Lexa’s chin between her thumb and index finger, turning her head towards her. “Your feelings are a big deal to me and I never meant to hurt you.”

Clarke saw a moment of apprehension in Lexa’s eyes, but Lexa’s next question didn’t take her by surprise. She knew it was coming sooner or later. “Why didn’t you tell me you had a girlfriend? I thought you and I were being honest with each other? I thought that we were going somewhere… that we were becoming …friends.”

The last word sounded an awful lot like a copout.

Clarke dropped her hand from Lexa’s face. She didn’t feel like she had the right to touch her while saying the words she was about to say. “Niylah isn’t exactly my girlfriend…”

Lexa frowned. “But…”

“She’s my fiancée.” The look Clarke had never wanted to see again rooted in Lexa’s eyes, and this time she was the one who dropped her gaze. Why did it feel so awful to tell Lexa that she was engaged to someone else?

“You’re engaged?” There was no trace of accusation in Lexa’s voice, only a subtle layer of defeat and if Clarke hadn’t been paying attention she would have missed it.

“I think so,” Clarke admitted. “I mean, I know so, but…”

“Wait, you think so or you know so?” Clarke could feel Lexa’s eyes on her. They were like magnets, pulling her towards them by the sheer force of the connection they shared with hers. “I don’t think being engaged is a maybe kind of thing?”

“We’re on a break.” It was the best way to explain her situation, but that didn’t mean she was free to explore her connection with Lexa. In reality it only made her more stuck in a hopeless position. “It’s why I’m here…. to give us both some breathing space. We need to figure out what we want.”

“And have you?” Lexa’s voice was tentative, almost as if she was afraid of the answer. “Do you know what you want?”

“I do,” Clarke admitted. After all that had happened since she arrived in Maine that was one thing that hadn’t changed. She wanted Seattle and she wanted the love of her life. The only thing that scared her was the faces she used to see when she thought of her future were slowly being washed away and replaced by new ones.

The thought gave Clarke enough confidence to raise her eyes. “I’m going to Seattle in January. I’ve been offered a spot as an attending with the possibility of working on my cartilage project on the side. I can’t pass up an opportunity like that.”

She wasn’t going back to Miami, but she wasn’t staying in Castine either. That was the bottom line. 

“I don’t see the problem here? Shouldn’t Niylah be happy for you? I mean, this is a…”

“Niylah doesn’t want to leave Miami. It is where our families are and where her job is. She likes the warm weather and her big corner office, moving would mean giving all that up.” It was the story of her life. Nothing ever went the way it was supposed to.

“What if she says yes? What if she goes with you? She could change her mind… stranger things have happened,” Lexa reasoned, but she didn’t sound particularly fond of the idea and hearing the words said out loud by Lexa made Clarke sick. Niylah meant no Lexa and Lexa meant no Niylah.

“Niylah is a very stubborn woman. She’s strong willed… passionate… she fights for the things she wants and as long as she thinks there is even the slightest hope of keeping me in Miami she will cling to it.” She had been with her fiancée for four years and she knew her well. Niylah wouldn’t give up without a fight.

“But you’ve taken the job, right?” Lexa questioned.

“Yep,” Clarke confirmed. She held up her naked left hand, studying the finger that used to carry her diamond ring. “I left my ring. I told her she would know what to do with it once she made up her mind.”

“If she’s not a fool she’ll put it back on.” Clarke knew Lexa meant well, but it wasn’t the words she wanted to hear from her. What she wanted to hear from her would be unfair to all three of them – especially considering that Clarke didn’t yet know what she wanted herself.

“Do you believe in fate?” Clarke took Lexa’s right hand in hers, letting her thumb brush over her knuckles. “That everything happens for a reason?”

“After the past year I think I kind of have to,” Lexa pondered, looking down at their joined hands. “I lost Nyko; my job is hanging in the balance… You showed up…If I didn’t believe that things happen for a reason I would be locked away in a mental institution right about now.”

Both women chuckled softly at that. Clarke licked her lips, taking a moment to think about her next words. “You scare me.”

“I scare you?” Lexa sounded confused.

“Yes,” Clarke admitted. Her heart rate was increasing and her mouth was getting dryer. “You and your green eyes and your magic smile.”

“Clarke…” Lexa whispered breathlessly.

“I’m moving to Seattle…which is on the other side of the country.” Clarke didn’t know if she was reminding Lexa or herself. “I’m engaged to someone else, but the thought of her telling me no doesn’t scare me half as much as not seeing you again.”

That she had actually managed to say the words out loud stunned her, and judging by the look on Lexa’s face she wasn’t the only one who was taken aback by her honesty. But now the words were out there and she couldn’t take them back. She didn’t want to take them back. It was the explanation she had wanted to give Lexa all along. The words she had wanted to tell her to make up for what she overheard at Octavia and Lincoln’s house.

Finally Lexa said. “I don’t know what that means.”

“Me neither,” Clarke admitted.

“Do you… we… us? I don’t…” Lexa stuttered, her eyes going wide and Clarke held onto the brunette’s hand a little tighter, stopping it from slipping out of hers.

“You don’t have to say anything,” Clarke said softly. “I know it was selfish of me to say it, but I didn’t want you to have the wrong impression. You are great, Lexa… really great and if it wasn’t for Niylah I would have told you a long time ago… but I’m not someone who… who…” Clarke didn’t know what she wanted to say. There was more than one kind of cheating and cheating, whether it was physical or mental, it was still cheating.

“…cheats,” Lexa finished, nodding her head in understanding. How could she blame her for that?

“I can’t do that to her.” Clarke’s voice trembled, and a thin film of tears clouded her eyes. “I won’t do that to her, Lexa.”

“Hey, hey…” Lexa whispered and covered their hands with her free one. “It’s okay. Really, it’s okay. I’m not asking you to. I would never do that.”

“What are we going to do,” Clarke was begging now. She had come down here to be the strong one. To make things right, but she found herself counting on Lexa for the right answer.

“Well…” Lexa brought their hands up and pressed them against her chest. The smile on her face made Clarke’s heart skip a beat. “I’m going to get up and walk back inside, because if I don’t I’ll do something that would only open another can of worms and we don’t need that…”

There was a dry sense of humor to Lexa’s words, and Clarke knew exactly what she was talking about. She felt it too, and if Lexa wasn’t about to get up, she would have to, because being this close to her – being able to smell the soft, delicate scent of her perfume, was overwhelming. She licked her lips, and the move drew Lexa’s eyes to her lips.

“That would… umm… that would probably be best, yeah.” Clarke’s eyes fell to Lexa’s lips.

The world stopped turning. She could hear the sound of blood rushing in her ears and her heart was pumping uncontrollably in her chest. If this was what the thought of kissing Lexa led to – she didn’t know how she would ever survive actually kissing her.

Clarke brought a shaking hand up and cupped Lexa’s cheek. Her thumb was low enough for her to trace it across Lexa’s lips. The way the soft skin moved under her finger was mesmerizing. Lexa’s breath hitched when Clarke gently pressed down, separating her upper and lower lip. What were they doing?

“Lexa…” The name spilled from Clarke’s lips like a gentle caress. They needed to stop. She needed to take her hands off of the brunette and she would have, but she didn’t know how.

“Griffin!” A loud voice boomed from behind them, breaking their spell. Clarke knew that voice. She knew it a little too well. But what in the world was that voice doing here? “Griffin, where are you?”

Clarke turned around and saw a tall man come walking around the side of her grandfather’s house, followed closely by a beautiful woman about their age.

“Wells? Maya?” she said, but her voice was barely above a whisper and only Lexa heard her.

She stood up and offered Lexa a hand, pulling the brunette up with her.

“It’s Wells…and Maya… they’re here….in Castine.” She looked back and forth between Lexa and her two friends.

“I can see that,” Lexa said calmly, biting her lower lip to keep from chuckling. “You should probably go before your friend wakes up the entire neighborhood.”

“Yeah,” Clarke agreed, taking a couple of steps towards Wells and Maya. Something made her stop. She looked nervously at Lexa. “Do you… umm… do you want to maybe meet them?”

Lexa smiled. “Maybe another time.”

It was for the best. They both needed time to clear their thoughts. Their little talk had only added to their already large pile of problems.

Clarke nodded.

She walked back to the shore, praying that her wobbly legs wouldn’t cave and send her face first into the water. After the way her body had betrayed her seconds ago, she didn’t trust herself for a minute. Something as simple as staying upright was suddenly a daunting task.

“Wells! Maya!” she yelled when she got close enough for them to hear her. “What are you guys doing here?”

“We’re here to see you!” Came Wells’ reply, before he effulged her in his strong arms. “Your fiancée called me in tears saying that you were never going to come back and that you were cheating on her with some yokel from the boondocks.”

Clarke was just about to defend Lexa’s honor, but thought better of it. Defending Lexa would mean that they had done something wrong. And deep down in the pit of her stomach Clarke had a feeling that anything involving Lexa couldn’t be wrong. She hoped that Maya hadn’t caught her hesitation, but judging by the look on her face - she had.

“But what about work?” Clarke stepped back from Wells’ arms and pulled Maya into a tight embrace.

“I quit,” Maya said casually, making Clarke’s jaw drop. “You’re moving on. Wells’ moving on… I thought I might as well do the same.”

“Wait, what?” Clarke looked at Wells. “You quit your job?”

A smug grin grew on Wells’ face and he planted a hand firmly on Clarke’s shoulder. “I’m coming with you! You didn’t think I would let my best friend move to Seattle without me?”

Clarke laughed and threw herself into Wells’ arms. “Oh my God! You’re coming with me to Seattle?”

“That’s right,” Wells whispered in her ear. “You’re looking at the new head of plastics at Seattle Grace – Mercy West.”

“But what about Miami’s women? What are they going to do without the legendary Wells Jaha?”

Both Maya and Wells laughed. He stood back and wrapped an arm around Clarke’s shoulders. “I figured it was time I spread the gift to the west coast. I’ve been severely neglecting my duties.”

“Yes, I’m sure your duty as the east coast’s biggest man-whore has been missed on the west coast,” Maya sniggered.

“But what about you Maya?” She could understand Wells moving, but she genuinely thought Maya liked being in Florida. She had a great job. She was well liked at their hospital. It didn’t make sense for her to be moving.

“I got a job in LA. It’s amazing… the pay is great… and Jasper is there…” Maya said carefully, blushing slightly. Now it made more sense to Clarke.

Clarke smirked. “So you and Jasper finally got it together, huh?”

“We’re working on it,” Maya said, clearing her throat. “But I’d much rather hear about this woman you’re supposedly playing tonsil hockey with?”

“It’s nothing,” Clarke lied. “Niylah was drunk and you know how things have been between us since the offer from Seattle. But she shouldn’t jump to conclusions.”

Maya didn’t bite. She lifted her eyebrows, before tilting her head subtly towards the Woods’ house. Clarke didn’t want to turn around in case Lexa was still outside or worse yet – standing right behind her, but when Wells’ face split into a grin – she had to.

Lexa was standing in the bottom of Gustus and Indra’s backyard playing fetch with Sailor. Clarke fought hard against the smile that always appeared whenever Lexa was near. The way the early morning sun reflected on the grass, making the small drops of dew glisten and the way Sailor happily returned the ball time and time again was heartwarming. 

“That’s Lexa,” Clarke explained. “She’s my grandfather’s neighbor’s daughter.”

“She’s pretty,” Maya commented her eyes trained on Clarke.

“So?” Clarke figured it was the safest answer. Saying yes would mean further questioning and saying no would be lying. Anyone could see that the brunette was absolutely striking.

“Nothing.” Maya held up her hands, but the amusement Clarke could see in her eyes annoyed her. “It’s just that she has been looking at us for the last couple of minutes.”

“Maya,” Clarke said, half warning her.

“What’s with the limp?” Wells asked.

It suddenly made sense to Clarke why Lexa hadn’t gone inside yet. Moving up the lawn would mean risking Wells and Maya seeing her limp, but with both of her friends being doctors it was hard to hide anything from them, no matter how still Lexa remained.

“Car accident,” Clarke explained, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “She was t-boned in an intersection and sustained an open femur fraction.”

“That’s horrible,” Maya whispered, sadness creeping into her eyes.

“Her brother died in the accident.” That was always the blow that resulted in the ultimate look of pity and she knew Lexa would hate it if she saw it.

“How long ago was it?” Wells asked.

“About a year,” Clarke said softly. “Do you guys want to come inside? I’m sure my pops would love to see the two of you again.”

Wells hesitated. “He’s the friendly Mr. Griffin, right?”

Clarke chuckled. “Yes, he’s the friendly one. He won’t be throwing you up against any walls or threatening to kill you. That’s my dad.”

“You should have kept your paws off his daughter,” Maya mused, slapping Wells on the back with a pleased grin. Both Clarke and Maya knew that there was probably more than one father out there who owned a bullet with Wells’ name on it.

“You two are real charming, you know that?” Wells retorted, his eyes narrowing dangerously.

Clarke froze. There it was – that look that meant trouble. She knew they shouldn’t have teased him. “Hey, cutie!”

“No, Wells!” Clarke hissed, her eyes going wide. “What are you doing?” But it was too late. Lexa had heard him, and she was looking curiously at them.

“Come over here for a second,” Wells shouted, and internally Clarke whimpered.

“I’m going to kill you,” Clarke whispered in a low and threatening tone, “with your own damn scalpel.”

Clarke watched as Lexa walked towards them, her movements slower than usual and Clarke knew she did it to hide her limp as much as possible. She had to give Lexa credit though. She wasn’t sure that she wouldn’t have run for the hills if she had been in the brunette’s shoes. But as Lexa got closer Clarke saw nothing but a friendly smile and a warm light in the brunette’s eyes. She hoped the latter had something to do with her.

“Hello,” Lexa said, coming to a stop next to Clarke.

“I’m really sorry about this,” Clarke apologized to Lexa. “There’s no controlling the Neanderthal there.”

Clarke pointed towards Wells, her eyes still shooting daggers whenever they landed on him. He was unbelievable.

Lexa laughed – that little pearly laugh that always captivated Clarke and put her more at ease. “That’s okay.”

Maya cleared her throat, and looked expectantly at Clarke. “Oh, I’m sorry. Lexa, this is Dr. Maya Vie and Dr. Wells Jaha. Guys, this is Dr. Lexa Woods.”

“Nice to meet you,” Maya said politely and shook Lexa’s hand.

When Lexa took Wells’ hand he held it for a second longer than Clarke liked, unabashedly studying her. Lexa probably noticed it too, but she was taking it in stride – her friendly demeanor never faltered for a second.

“Another doctor, huh?” Wells said, letting go of Lexa’s hands, but his expression remained curious. “So, what? You’re like a modern version of Dr. Quinn? Taking care of all the people out here on the prairie?”

If Clarke hadn’t felt like killing Wells before she certainly felt like it now. The last thing Lexa needed was someone stepping on her toes, and Lexa didn’t know Wells well enough to know that he was only joking. His charm had a way of working against him at the worst of times.

“I’m pretty sure you are referring to two different shows, and if I’m being honest Maine primarily consists of woodlands.” This was the Lexa Clarke had caught glimpses of – the one that gave as good as she got. She couldn’t contain the snicker that escaped her lips and neither could Maya. It had been a long time since she had seen someone stand up to Wells like that – especially during a first encounter. The fact that Lexa had done it made her heart swell with admiration.

“Alright,” Wells nodded approvingly. “The cutie’s got bite.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “The cutie’s also got a name. It’s Lexa.”

“Woods, if you prefer,” Lexa offered.

“Lexa is a surgeon like the rest of us… Pediatric surgeon,” Clarke added.

“Wait,” Wells chuckled, one hand coming up to scratch the stubble on his chin. “You’re a Peds surgeon and you actually get along with Ortho here? But isn’t your type normally very… perky.”

“Umm…” Lexa looked at Clarke. She didn’t know what to say – his question sounded unmistakably leading. Why shouldn’t they be able to get along?

“We get along just fine,” Clarke said, coming to Lexa’s rescue. Boy did they ever. “Did you know that my two friends here have both decided to quit their jobs?”

The jab at Maya and Wells took the heat off her and Lexa’s friendship – at least for now.

“Bold choice,” Lexa commented, sounding genuinely impressed. Clarke guessed it had something to do with her own job situation. It couldn’t be looking too good for Lexa in her condition. “Didn’t the three of you work at the same hospital?”

They all nodded and Lexa shook her head in amusement. “Wow, you guys have really sold your Chief of surgery up shit creek without a paddle, huh?”

Their laughter at Lexa’s honest description of the horrible situation they had put their former chief in, drew Victor’s attention and he came through the door; his eyes lighting up at the sight of Clarke’s friends. He and Maya especially got along well.

“Well, as I live and breathe,” Victor gushed, walking down the stairs as fast as he could, while clutching the railing to keep his balance. “My eyes must be deceiving me if it isn’t Miss Maya Vie standing in my backyard? You look marvelous, dear.”

Maya lit up at Victor’s praise and she greeted him with a warm hug. “You look good, Victor. Not a day over seventy.”

“You haven’t lost your sense of charm.” Victor patted Maya’s cheek gently, “your eyesight, maybe.”

Clarke chuckled quietly, but her breath caught when she felt Lexa lean into her side and the blonde’s warm breath tickled her ear. “Your Maya wouldn’t happen to be the Neonatal surgeon?”

Clarke tried to ignore the shivers that had taken residence down her spin. The tiny grin that played on Lexa’s lips was devious. She knew what effect she had on her. The playing field had just gotten a new dimension.

“That would be her,” Clarke whispered back, her eyes locking on her friends who were talking to her grandfather. “I know they talk a lot about how brilliant she is, but people really have no idea. She’s exceptional.”

“I know,” Lexa agreed, taking one step closer to Clarke. Clarke’s arms were straight down her side, and for a brief second she felt Lexa’s fingers brush against hers. She didn’t know if it was intentional, but if it was, it was certainly a bold move to make right in front of her friends. “I actually had the chance to observe one of her surgeries about two years ago. She was flown in to work on this young woman who had been in an accident – both the mother’s and the baby’s life was touch and go for a long time.”

“I thought Johns Hopkins had a great neonatal surgeon?” Clarke wondered. She vaguely remembered Maya going to Maryland a while back, but Maya often flew to different states to assists on complicated surgeries and she had stopped keeping track a long time ago.

“We do. Dr. Gallagher is great, but she’s no Maya Vie,” Lexa said.

Clarke had never heard of Dr. Gallagher, but she would take Lexa’s word for it. Besides, it made her stupidly happy that Lexa already had an admiration for her friend, even if it was only a professional one. She had no doubt that Lexa would get along well with Maya if they got the chance to get to know each other. Clarke really wanted them to get to know each other. Wells and Lexa’s friendship she would save for another day – one where she didn’t feel like wringing his pretty little neck.

“No one is Maya Vie,” Clarke stated honestly.

“Clarke?” Victor said, and both Lexa and Clarke turned their attention towards him. “Did you know that Dr. Jaha here has never had a cup of hot chocolate with a peppermint stick in?”

Lexa was the one who spoke up. “What? Never?”

“Not even once it seems,” Maya said.

“You’ll have to do something about that, sweetheart,” Victor insisted, lifting a finger at Clarke as if it was her fault. “Marcus told me yesterday that there will be some sort of fair in town tomorrow evening, so you better take your friends. The poor boy doesn’t know what he has been missing.”

That wasn’t exactly how she had planned on spending tomorrow evening, but she knew her grandfather and his mind was made – arguing with him now would be pointless.

“You should come too, Lexa,” Wells suggested. His reason for inviting her was probably more to torture Clarke than because the plastic surgeon wanted to spend time with Lexa, but Clarke had to admit it just might be the best idea he had had since he arrived. This way she would at least get to spend some time with Lexa. They would just have to be careful and stay away from Maya’s watchful eye.

Lexa looked at Clarke who nodded encouragingly. “I’d love to. Maybe Anya and the rest could come, too?"

“Sounds like a plan,” Clarke said, turning to Wells and Maya. “You’ll love them. They’re really great.”

Victor clasped his hands, wringing them softly. “You kids will have fun!” He linked his arm with Maya and steered her towards the house. “There’s an ice-rink, a small amusement park… loads of goodies…”

Clarke laughed quietly as she watched Wells, Maya and her grandfather walk through the backdoor, leaving her alone with Lexa once again. She turned her head to watch the brunette, who now had her arms crossed in front of her chest. Her head hung down and her eyes watching the small patch of grass her feet were picking at.

“So…” Clarke broke the silence.

“So…” Lexa parroted, looking at Clarke.

The tension made Clarke laugh. She grabbed Lexa’s hand in hers and dragged her towards the same door the three others had just disappeared through. “Come on…seems like you are stuck with us for the rest of the day.”

Both Clarke and Lexa grinned happily. Being stuck together wasn’t half bad.


	7. Chapter 7

The twinkle lights illuminated the tree’s surrounding the rink. The sky was pitch-dark, only a few sprinkled stars shone their light down on Castine. Lexa sat on a bench, a mug of hot chocolate clutched between her mitten covered hands, trying to transfer some of its warmth into her fingers before they suffered permanent damage from the biting cold. She watched as Roan skated by - his hand securely clasped in Anya’s. All of her friends were out on the ice, but she had decided not to go. She was having a great time and she didn’t want to let the chance of her falling and embarrassing herself ruin that.

“No! Octav….” She heard Raven shout, before a falling Octavia pulled her down. Lexa brought the mug up to her lips and took a careful sip, not wanting the hot liquid to burn her tongue.

Out on the rink Raven groaned. “Octavia, what is wrong with you? You’re like Bambi on ice, only without the added two legs. For most people that would be an advantage!”

Lexa chuckled softly at the sight of the two women, trying to untangle themselves.

“I wasn’t trying to fall!” Octavia defended herself, fighting to get back on her legs. “But it is not as easy as it looks!”

Lincoln and Bellamy skated over, grabbing their significant other by the underarms to haul them back into an upright position. Raven brushed off the ice that clung to the back of her jeans, while glaring angrily at Octavia.

“Unless you plan on letting Lincoln teach Addie how to skate I’m vetoing and taking over that task. God knows if you try to teach her we’ll end up needing Ortho’s help,” Raven grumbled, rubbing her elbow. Bellamy tried to adjust the hat on Raven’s head, but she swatted him away and fixed it herself.

At the mention of Clarke Lexa scanned the rink for the blonde. Her eyes strayed to Wells and Maya but they were standing quietly in the far corner of the rink talking to Luna and Clarke was nowhere in sight. The mere thought of looking at Clarke created an interesting flutter in her stomach, especially after yesterday. She knew Clarke was engaged to someone else and she would honor that, but after their conversation on the dock she wasn’t about to just give up. For the first time in a long time she felt a flame burn within her and she felt ready to fight again – for Clarke, and for her future.

The pieces of the puzzle were slowly starting to take form again.

“We should seriously consider getting Octavia a helmet before she injures herself,” someone said to the left of her and Lexa turned her head instantly. It was just the person she had been looking for.

Lexa grinned. “That or a bulletproof vest, because I think Raven might kill her if she doesn’t learn how to stay on her feet.”

“Also a possibility,” Clarke acknowledged teasingly.

She took a step closer to Lexa and that’s when Lexa noticed that Clarke was hiding something behind her back. Lexa tried to peer around her, but Clarke was fast and changed the angle of her body. They both smirked.

“What are you hiding back there?” Lexa asked, raising an eyebrow at Clarke. “Something good? Possibly something edible?”

“Not unless you like chewing on old leather,” Clarke replied, and pulled out her surprise. Her hands held out a pair of white skates – a pair that looked awfully close to the size Lexa used. “I hated the thought of you sitting here all by yourself so I rented you a pair of skates.”

“Clarke,” Lexa tried to protest, but stopped when Clarke sat down next to her on the bench. She sat as close to Lexa as possible, while still leaving a friendly distance in case they were under watchful eyes. Clarke had the skates on her lap and Lexa eyed them suspiciously. She did not like where this was going, even if Clarke was only doing it to cheer her up.

“I know you are only sitting here, because you feel like you’ll embarrass yourself if you fall.” Lexa opened up her mouth to protest, but Clarke held up a hand, signaling for her to stop.

“Don’t you even try to deny it, Lexa. Sure we might have to take a little extra care of your leg, but there is nothing holding you back physically anymore. I’ve seen what you can do, and you know what you can do. So what if you fall face first onto the ice? Octavia and Raven have spent more time crawling around on the ice than skating on it tonight…. There’s nothing to worry about, okay?” Clarke’s attempt at a little humor didn’t go entirely amiss, and it curved Lexa’s lips slightly upwards.

“I’m not so sure about this, Clarke…” Lexa said quietly. She really wanted to now that Clarke was sitting here in front of her with her big, begging, blue eyes. There wasn’t a whole lot Lexa wouldn’t do if Clarke looked at her the way she was looking at her right then and there. But still, the thought of hurting her leg made her stomach uneasy.

“I’ll be there the entire time,” Clarke promised. “I won’t let go even once.”

The blonde held out the skates and despite hesitation Lexa took them in her hands. She untied the laces and kicked off her winter boots. Her feet were covered in warm woolen socks, but the cold air still sent chills up her spin. Clarke took her boots and put them in a plastic bag where she kept her own. It didn’t take long for Lexa to get her skates on, but when she tried to stand up her legs wobbled significantly. 

“I told you this was a bad idea,” Lexa murmured shakily, while Clarke led her towards the rink and onto the ice.

Lexa had both of Clarke’s hands clutched tightly in hers, desperately praying that her legs wouldn’t fail her now. This was the moment where all the hard work she had put in with her dad would show how much of a difference it had made. She tried to tune out the other people on the rink, and keep her eyes focused on Clarke, but she could feel Anya’s eyes on her and she knew she wasn’t the only one who was watching.

“You’re doing great,” Clarke whispered, slowly skating backwards while keeping Lexa’s hands in hers. “Just take it one step at a time.”

“Clarke, I am going to fall,” Lexa said, her grip on Clarke tightening. “Please, don’t let me fall.”

Clarke stopped and waited until Lexa was right in front of her. She gave her a tentative smile and moved behind her. Lexa’s breath caught when she felt Clarke’s hands take a firm grip on her hips. The touch burned through her layers of clothes and she closed her eyes for a split second, willing her reactions to remain under wraps.

“I’ll never let you fall,” Clarke said quietly. “Just trust me.”

Lexa nodded speechlessly and started moving forward when she felt Clarke’s hands gently push her into motion. Steadily they gained momentum and just as steadily her smile grew. The sound of the skates crossing the top surface of the frozen water and Clarke’s steady breathing were the only things her world consisted of and it felt liberating.

“I’m skating.” Lexa didn’t know if she was telling Clarke or herself, but her heart swelled in her chest when she heard Clarke’s joyful chuckle.

Lexa felt a hand glide over her lower back, as Clarke moved to her left side taking Lexa’s hand in hers and side by side they moved over the ice.

“I told you you could do it,” Clarke reminded her.

“Looking good, Lexa!” Anya yelled. She gave Lexa two thumbs up, making Lexa’s smile grow into a blinding beam.

Clarke slowed her pace until Lexa was a couple of feet ahead, and waited until her arm was stretched. “Okay, here comes the big swing.”

Lexa laughed as Clarke guided her in a circle around her. Big blue eyes sparkled back at her, reflecting what Lexa was sure was her own joy. She reached out her other hand to Clarke and the blonde took it, pulling Lexa to her. Their bodies came flush together and both let out a little ‘omph’ at the collision. Clarke steadied herself by putting her hands on Lexa’s shoulders.

Lexa noticed that something behind her back caught Clarke’s eyes and she pulled back enough to catch Clarke’s gaze. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing,” Clarke assured her, looking back at Lexa. “I was just thinking about something I said to you a while ago – about going back on the ice.”

Lexa squinted her eyes, wanting Clarke to elaborate. She had an idea where the other surgeon was going, but she wanted to hear Clarke say it.

Clarke’s arms fell from Lexa’s shoulders, until they had once again taken position on her hips. She was starting to like Clarke’s easy affection, being touchy-feely seemed to come effortlessly to her. “Do you remember me telling you there would be a line of people willing to take you back onto the ice?”

Lexa nodded.

“Well, I guess, I just….” Clarke trailed off. Lexa saw the quick look she threw in Maya and Wells’ direction, and Lexa knew that whatever it was Clarke wanted to say it was something that made her feel guilty.

“You can tell me,” Lexa said, trying to be encouraging. “You can tell me anything. I’d rather we didn’t have any more secrets.”

“You’re right, of course, you’re right. No more secrets.” Clarke took a deep breath. “What I wanted to say was just that I’m happy that I am the one who got to take you skating tonight,” Clarke admitted sheepishly. The cold had already left its marks on Clarke’s cheek, but the red color intensified at her confession. “I’m really enjoying it.”

A warmth spread through Lexa like a wildfire and she felt the need to open her jacket just a bit. No matter how complicated things were for them it didn’t stop her from reacting to Clarke’s words, in fact anything that involved Clarke got a reaction from her. The mention of her, the sight of her, the feeling of her – especially the last part blew her mind.

“I’m really glad it was you. Thank you,” Lexa said. She knew Clarke’s friends were watching – heck everyone was watching them, and it made her next move rather bold.

She put her arms around Clarke’s waist and pulled her into a tight hug. At first Clarke tensed in her arms and Lexa was ready to pull back. She didn’t want to embarrass Clarke in front of Wells or Maya, but just as soon as the tension had appeared it disappeared again. She felt Clarke rest her head on her shoulder, tucking it subtly into her hair. Her move made Lexa smile.

“You smell nice.” Clarke’s innocent comment could hardly be heard, but Lexa caught it.

“I do?” Lexa asked, her hands gently running up and down Clarke’s back.

“Mhhmm,” Clarke mumbled, “very moreish.”

“You smell great, too.” Lexa closed her eyes, trying to enjoy having Clarke in her arms. “Like cinnamon and… you.”

Clarke chuckled. “Is that good?”

“It’s very good.”

It wasn’t until someone cleared their throat, someone who was standing nearby that the two pulled apart. Wells and Maya were right behind them, and while Wells’ expression was more curious than anything else – Maya’s expression was far from it. Hers was more a mix of apprehension and confusion.

“Hi guys,” Clarke said, taking a step away from Lexa. “Are you having fun?”

Lexa tried not to let her disappointment show.

“We are,” Maya said.

“Not as much fun as the two of you,” Wells said, smirking. He succeeded in moving out of Maya’s reach before the inevitable slap came.

Clarke and Lexa shared a quick look. Both knew they were headed into trouble if they didn’t keep a lid on things around their friends.

“I was just wondering if I could steal Lexa away from you for a second. At least long enough for you to go buy Wells a cup of chocolate.” Maya’s tone of voice was nothing but the epitome of polite, but Lexa had a funny feeling that she didn’t have small talk in mind.

“With a peppermint stick. Your grandfather said it was a must,” Wells added quickly.

They were scheming, and they weren’t being particularly subtle.

“Sure,” Clarke said, giving Lexa an apologetic look.

Lexa watched as Clarke and Wells skated away – nerves settled in the pit of her stomach. When the two other surgeons were out of sight, she turned to Maya, crossing her arms across her chest. She had no idea what this was about. Maya didn’t look like the kind of friend who would threaten her with violence if she hurt Clarke. She had a feeling that was more Wells’ domain, but then again – she wasn’t taking anything for granted.

“You work at Johns Hopkins, right?” Maya asked with a gentle smile. “I remember you from the last time I was there.”

“I do,” Lexa answered, feeling more at ease. Work talk she could handle. “Or I did. Everything is kind of up in the air right now.”

“Because of your leave?” Maya guessed, and Lexa nodded her head. “Are you going to go back?”

“I don’t know,” Lexa admitted. “I’m keeping my options open. I passed my boards just before the accident happened, so I’m trying to figure out if Johns Hopkins is the place for me to start my time as an attending. I have until January to decide.”

Maya’s brows furrowed. “Who wouldn’t want to be an attending at Johns Hopkins?”

“Good question. There’s no denying that the program is great and the other surgeons are amazing, but I don’t know. If another offer comes along – one with the possibility of head within a few years I am definitely not locked on Johns Hopkins.” It was something Lexa had been thinking about for a long time, even before the accident. She had been top of her class and chief resident, and there were a lot of hospitals out there who were willing to take a chance on her, but so far, she hadn’t given any real thought to any offers.

“I know you had an offer from Mayo,” Maya admitted. This time it was Lexa’s turn to be confused. How could Maya possibly know that?

“How do you know that? I don’t think I’ve ever told Clarke…” Lexa trailed off; looking in the direction Clarke had disappeared.

“I guess I have a bit of a confession to make,” Maya said, a hint of a blush coloring her cheeks. “I’m friends with the head of pediatrics at Mayo and he happened to mention a while ago that they were looking for a new peds attending. At that time I had just come back from Johns Hopkins where this young resident was showing amazing potential for that particular field and I may have added that person’s name to the list of people for him to look into. You see where I am going with this?”

All the color drained from Lexa’s face and her mouth hung open. “You were the one who recommended me for the position at Mayo? But you didn’t even know me? You never spoke to me once while you were there?”

“I didn’t need to talk to you to know that you were talented. I ended up watching one of your surgeries. It was kind of by accident, actually, but you’re the best Peds resident I’ve seen in a long, long time. I thought that deserved some kind of recognition,” Maya explained.

“Maya,” Lexa said her eyes wide. She didn’t know how to respond to something like that. One of the best neonatal surgeons in the country had chosen her, after watching her for only a few days. That was incredibly flattering, at least on a professional level.

“I haven’t told Clarke, in case you were wondering,” Maya said.

Lexa tried to school her features at the mention of Clarke.

“Clarke is kind of a big shot, too, huh?” Lexa wondered out loud. She didn’t know much about Seattle Grace- Mercy West, but she knew it was in the top five of teaching hospitals and that wasn’t something to dismiss.

Maya laughed, shaking her head. “Clarke is more like a loose cannon. You never know what you are going to get with her, but she’s a rock star with a scalpel….there’s no denying that.”

“And she’s got that project of hers. If she pulls that off she is bound to win a Harper Avery,” Lexa said. She didn’t know what Maya meant by the loose cannon, but after spending some time with the blonde she had a feeling that maybe the blonde beauty had a wilder side.

“She is,” Maya agreed, before looking at Lexa with an amused expression. She looked Lexa up and down, making her somewhat self-conscious. “You know, I’ve been friends with Clarke for a long time, but I never saw this coming.”

“Saw what coming?” Lexa asked.

“The two of you being friends,” Maya explained. Lexa’s mood dwindled at Maya’s words. That was the second time in two days someone had said that they couldn’t see the two of them being friends.

“But…” Maya sighed, biting her lower lip.

“But?” Lexa repeated her voice hopeful.

“I think this is a case where opposites attract. Someone like you could be good for someone like her,” Maya admitted, but somehow the words weren’t extremely reassuring. 

“Someone like me?” Lexa questioned.

“Clarke is all impulse and for better or for worse she wears her heart on her sleeve. You don’t. I know I don’t know you all that well, but I can tell,” Maya said softly, almost as if she didn’t want to offend Lexa.

Lexa didn’t want to admit it, but Maya was right. She wasn’t someone who rushed head first into things without spending a long time thinking about it. She didn’t like changes, and she probably never would. The thought of doing something new - going into something blindfolded scared the living daylights out of her. She liked being in control of her life, which was why the accident had left her more lost than she had ever been. It had taken away her control. She hadn’t had any control over her leg. She hadn’t had any control over her brother’s death. To her – that was the worst feeling in the world.

“Why do I have a feeling that that is not all you want to say?” Lexa asked quietly, taking the time to study Maya’s face.

Maya crossed her arms, mirroring Lexa’s position. “She likes you. I don’t know if she realizes just how much yet, but she really likes you.”

Lexa looked around the rink, wanting to make sure that no one was able to overhear their conversation. She noticed Anya standing close by, her ear almost turned in their direction, but as long as they kept their voices down she wouldn’t be able to hear them.

“Is that…” Lexa swallowed, her mouth feeling dry. “Is that bad?”

“I don’t know,” Maya admitted, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear. “I don’t want to see her hurt…. I don’t want to see anyone get hurt.”

Lexa had to muster up a lot of courage to ask the next question. She really didn’t want to have this conversation, but it looked like there was no way around it. So she asked. “Are you talking about her fiancée?”

“I’m talking about all three of you,” Maya replied, taking a deep breath. “Clarke is going to Seattle come hell or high water. I will make sure she goes to Seattle, because this opportunity is amazing for her. You and I both know that.”

Lexa nodded, waiting for the next blow. She was sure there would be one.

“Then there’s Niylah…and you.” Lexa had no idea how to interpret the look in Maya’s eyes. “Niylah doesn’t know what she wants yet. She just knows that she wants Clarke. Hell, she asked Clarke to marry her.”

That was something Maya didn’t have to remind her of. Lexa never ever forgot that there was someone else in the picture – no matter how fading that person was becoming.

“I know Clarke is engaged if that’s what you’re trying to get at,” Lexa said, trying not to sound upset.

“Niylah loves her, Lexa,” Maya said, her eyes turning hard, as steel, but Lexa didn’t falter under her gaze. She grew up with a Marine as a father. “She really loves her and she is a good woman. She would never do anything to intentionally hurt Clarke.”

“Neither would I,” Lexa protested, her voice high enough to get Anya’s attention, so she lowered it again. “I would never do something to hurt Clarke.” 

“I’m not saying you would,” Maya defended herself.

“Then what are you saying?” Lexa questioned. She didn’t want the answer in case it didn’t fall in her favor. If Clarke’s best friends didn’t like her that would undoubtedly cause problems later.

“I’m saying that I want you to be sure,” Maya said, taking a step closer to Lexa. It wasn’t threatening – it was more a way of making Lexa really understand. She stood her ground and waited for the hammer to fall. “If you choose to pursue something with Clarke I don’t want you changing your mind two months down the line, because something else comes along. I love Clarke and I don’t want to see her hurt. So just, for everyone’s sake, be sure, because I have a feeling that if you say that you’re in…really in…then she’s yours.”

That stole Lexa’s breath. She didn’t stand a fighting chance at keeping the smile off her face after hearing that. “You think?”

Maya nodded, a small smile curving her lips upwards. “I do. I really do.”

Lexa knew she couldn’t make a whole lot of promises, but one thing she knew for sure. She would never hurt Clarke. They had only known each other for a month, but Lexa knew Clarke was special. She knew Clarke could really mean something to her, but her future was still hidden behind a thick fog and she had no idea what it held for her. However, lately she had been hoping more and more that Clarke was behind that fog.

Something caught her eye; or rather someone caught her eye. She would recognize that mop of brown hair anywhere and right now she was leaning a little too close to Clarke, looking a little too interested for Lexa’s liking. She excused herself and without thinking about it skated across the ice, until she could reach the nearest gate. She knew Anya had only been joking when she talked about Ontari hitting on Clarke, and back then the suggestion had made her uneasy, but now that she was actually seeing it, it made her more than a little jealous.

“Ontari!” Lexa said when she came within earshot. “What are you doing here?”

“The same as you I’d imagine. Although I have to say that I was surprised to see you back in a pair of skates. Oh, and I didn’t know you had changed your type to cute Asian women?” Ontari said, taking a step closer to Clarke. It set Lexa’s teeth on edge.

Clarke looked back and forth between the two women. Lexa could clearly see that she was confused, but was picking up on the tension Lexa radiated.

“I don’t really see how that is any of your concern, Ontari,” Lexa said, fighting the urge to reach out and touch Clarke.

Ontari shrugged, placing a hand on Clarke’s shoulder. “Have you met, Clarke? She’s in town visiting her grandfather and apparently he lives down on your lane. I was just offering to take her out for a guided tour of Castine. We both know that there’s not much to see, but having a tour guide could never hurt.”

Clarke and Lexa’s eyes connected. They didn’t need words to communicate. Lexa was sure that Clarke knew she had some kind of history with the woman she had been talking to, and that Lexa wasn’t keen on having Ontari give her a guided tour of Castine. Lexa just hoped she wasn’t being too aggressive for Clarke’s taste.

Clarke cleared her throat. “Actually, I already have my very own tour guide. Don’t I, honey?”

Lexa looked down when she felt a hand slide into hers. Clarke’s touch always set her body on fire, but hearing Clarke call her honey, nearly tilted her world on its axis.

“Yes, you do,” Lexa said, sending her pretend girlfriend a blinding smile. It didn’t go unnoticed by Lexa how Clarke’s face softened at that kind of smile.

“You’re dating again?” Ontari sounded skeptical, and she didn’t look entirely convinced. “The last I heard you were still hauled up in your parents’ house refusing to see anyone.”

Lexa gritted her teeth at Ontari’s stab. She didn’t want to let her ex affect her in front of Clarke, but Ontari knew her well and she knew which buttons to push.

“You shouldn’t believe everything you hear,” Lexa said dismissively, her thumb starting to rub gentle circles on the back of Clarke’s hand.

“I just figured where there’s smoke there’s fire,” Ontari said smugly, casting Lexa a condescending look. “But hey, if you’ve moved on then that’s great. Rumors were flying after Costia dumped you…Castine’s big bad heartbreaker finally had the tables turned on her. That couldn’t have been a great feeling, especially that close to Nyko’s death.”

Lexa didn’t know if Ontari was being extra malicious because she felt she had moved in on her prey, but mentioning Nyko was taking it a step too far. She was just about to open her mouth and give Ontari a piece of her mind when she felt Clarke’s arm sneak around her waist, holding her close.

“If I’m being honest,” Clarke spoke up, gaining both women’s attention. “I had a crush on Lexa for the longest time. When I heard that they had broken up I told myself to get it together and just ask her out. I was sure she was going to turn me down flat, I mean, look at her. She’s beautiful.”

Lexa blushed, her knees practically buckling under Clarke’s intense gaze. “But you did anyway.” 

Clarke gently planted a kiss on Lexa’s cheek, murmuring quietly in her ear, but still with enough volume for Ontari to hear. “I did. Best decision I’ve ever made.”

“You’ve always moved on fast,” Ontari said with a shrug, looking away from the seemingly happy couple. “With you it is just one pretty face after another, isn’t it?”

That was the last drop. “Okay, seriously, what is your problem, Ontari?”

“Nothing,” Ontari said, holding up her hands. “I just thought she should know what she is getting herself into. You’re damaged goods, Lexa. I know it, you know it… It’s only a matter of time before she knows it.”

Ontari’s comment stung.

She grew up as an army brat. That meant moving every eighteenth month. It wasn’t until they had settled down in Castine, where she had her last year as a high school student, that she finally found a group of steady friends. She knew her sense of commitment contained faults and fears. But hearing Ontari call her out on it was embarrassing. She was ready to take a step away from Clarke, but the blonde only tightened her grip on Lexa. She looked at Clarke, hoping the thin film that covered her tears wasn’t visible. She did not want to give Ontari the satisfaction of making her cry.

Clarke obviously noticed and her demeanor turned icy within seconds. Lexa feared for Ontari when the blonde stepped closer to her ex, invading her personal space.

“I don’t know you,” Clarke started. The tone Clarke used was so cold and at the same time so calm that it could make a grown man cry out of fear for what was about to happen. “I don’t want to get to know you, and frankly I don’t care what kind of relationship you have with Lexa, but if I ever hear you mention Nyko around her again, or if you ever try to suggest to her that she is ‘damaged goods’… you and I will have a problem. I’m not playing; I’m not being the overprotective girlfriend. _You_ don’t get to talk to her like that…. _ever_.”

Clarke was inches away from Ontari’s face, her eyes wide and Ontari looked mildly terrified of her. Lexa reached out and stepped up behind Clarke, wrapping a protective arm around her waist, and her open palm came to rest on the middle of Clarke’s stomach. Even through their winter jackets Lexa could feel Clarke’s labored breathing.

“Come on, babe,” Lexa said quietly. “She’s not worth it. Let’s go get something to drink. You bought Wells a cup of hot chocolate. Don’t I get one, too?”

It took a moment for the words to get through to Clarke, but eventually she nodded and without another word to Ontari Lexa led her away. They didn’t stop walking until they were out of sight. Lexa had taken them to a more secluded spot, away from prying eyes, where they didn’t have to worry about people observing them. Lexa didn’t know if any of their friends had noticed their exit, but at that moment she didn’t care about what they thought. A steaming Clarke was all she saw.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…I know I shouldn’t have done that,” Clarke rambled, pacing in front of Lexa. “I know you don’t need someone protecting you! I get that, okay? I do… but seriously, you dated her? You _dated her_?”

“I was eighteen, Clarke and there’s not exactly a lot of gay women in Castine,” Lexa said, trying to keep the amusement out of her voice, seeing Clarke this wound up over someone being mean to her was almost endearing.

“But _her_?” Clarke questioned once again, pointing in the direction they had just come from.

Lexa laughed softly, and walked over to take Clarke’s hands in hers, automatically stopping the pacing. “She wasn’t such a bitch when we were teenagers. I think she was just shooting her mouth off, because she was annoyed.”

“Annoyed?” Clarke questioned, raising her eyebrows.

“Yeah,” Lexa murmured gently, lifting one hand up to tuck away a stray lock of hair, before letting her thumb ghost across Clarke’s cheek. “She was obviously hitting on you and then I kind of swopped in and claimed you.”

This made Clarke chuckle. “You claimed me, huh?”

“Yep,” Lexa said smiling. “She was one step from blowing smoke out of her ears.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Clarke said, moving in until she had her arms wrapped around Lexa’s waist.

Both women relaxed when they once again found themselves in each other’s arms. Lexa moved her hand gently up and down Clarke’s back, rubbing soothingly as she went. She felt Clarke’s fingers play at the hem of her jacket, and it didn’t surprise her when she felt two sets of hands being moved carefully under it, now resting on top of her shirt. It was an intimate move, one that allowed for greater contact. Lexa sighed and turned her head into Clarke’s neck, placing a daring kiss against her soft and warm skin.

Lexa knew what she had to do - if she wanted Clarke she had to fight. 

The woman in her arms deserved to be fought for.

Lexa just hoped she could show Clarke that she was worth the risk.

That _they_ were worth the risk.


	8. Chapter 8

“Remind me again why I am doing this?” Clarke whined, rubbing her hands together to warm them up. She was standing in her sweats, a scarf wrapped around her neck and a pair of trainers on her feet.

“Because Woods’ got a nice ass and apparently you have no willpower when she asks something of you,” Wells hissed, standing a little taller when Colonel Woods came to a halt in front of him.

“Did you want to say something, Doctor Jaha?” Gustus asked. His hands were behind his back and his posture was nothing short of impeccable. He looked Wells dead in the eye and despite Wells’ normally cool composure Clarke could see that he was starting to break a sweat under Gustus’ intense stare.

“No, sir,” Wells was quick to reply, puffing out his chest and straightening his back.

Once Gustus moved on, walking down the line of people that were standing in front of his house, Maya spoke up. “Would you two shut up? We’re already in enough trouble as it is.”

“Doctor Vie?” Gustus’ voice boomed and Maya went pale, along with Wells and Clarke. “Step forward, please.”

Maya took a hesitant step forward, daring a look down the line. Clarke caught Lexa’s eyes and when her dad passed her, Lexa couldn’t contain the grin anymore. Clarke shook her head. The smile that appeared on her lips were one of the many reasons Clarke was standing on the Woods’ front lawn along with her friends, getting ready for one of the Colonel’s workout sessions. Sadly, she had a grueling feeling that this wouldn’t be just like any other session. This would be a workout session – boot camp style.

“Do you consider yourself ready for what is about to happen?” Gustus asked, his face inches away from Maya.

“Yes, sir,” Maya said, her voice low and somewhat shaking. Clarke knew that wasn’t going to fly.

“What was that?” Gustus leaned even closer to Maya, his ear stopping an inch away from her. “I don’t believe I heard you.”

“Yes, sir,” Maya said loud and clear this time, making Gustus nod.

“Reyes!” He yelled, taking a step back from Maya. He turned on his heels and headed down the line. “I have magic ears! I can hear the grass grow! I can practically hear Bellamy’s mustache growing and we all know that hasn’t grown an inch since puberty! And you, young lady, will not speak unless spoken to. Am I making myself clear?”

“Sir, yes, sir,” Raven yelled.

Clarke didn’t know Raven that well, but she had a feeling that few people had the ability to install a sense of fear in the stubborn woman. If she was being honest with herself, she was enjoying being friends with her. Her sense of humor was great and the way you never had to fear hearing anything but the truth fall from her lips was refreshing.

Colonel Woods took position six feet in front of them, where he could keep an eye on every one of the volunteers for his day of fun. Clarke had a feeling this would end with someone dying or at least someone crying for mercy.

“Now, I have taken the opportunity to divide all of you into two teams,” Gustus said, his eyes scanning them. “Team one, The Red Devils will be led by Bellamy and team 2, The Navy Seals, will be led by Lexa.”

Lexa and Bellamy took a few steps forward. Lexa took her position to the right of her father and Bellamy took his place on the left. Clarke licked her lips, taking in Lexa’s appearance. She was standing in tight fitted black workout tights and a navy blue windbreaker. That was the mental image that would get Clarke through this day, especially the tight tights.

“This is not middle school, people. They will not be picking their teammates. I have already assigned them their teams.” Gustus fished a list out of his front pocket and unfolded the paper. Clarke almost smiled when a pair of glasses followed, but she was afraid of the consequences if she was caught.

“Team one,” Gustus started, pushing the glasses slightly down the bridge of his nose, so he could look over them. “Anya, Octavia, Derrick, Maya, Wells and Echo. Go join Bellamy.”

The six people that were called hurriedly walked towards Bellamy, falling in line beside him. 

“Team two. Clarke, Raven, Lincoln, Roan and Luna. Go join Lexa.” Clarke had no chance of hiding her pleased smirk when she stepped in line beside Lexa, and judging by the look on Wells’ face she would be in for a world of jokes if he could find an opportunity.

Clarke didn’t know how much her friends knew about her relationship with Lexa - if she could even call it that. Clarke had never been a cheater and she wasn’t about to start now. She was aware that things between her and Lexa weren’t innocent, but so far they hadn’t done anything besides occasional handholding and a few impulsive hugs. Lexa confused her. The fact that a glance from her could set her on fire, and the way the simple touch of her hand made her long for more was not what she had expected after her first encounter with the brunette. But now? She didn’t know how she would survive without her.

She counted on Lexa’s smile to get her through the day.

“I have already briefed Lexa and Bellamy on the days schedule and we will all meet back here at 1500 hours. If you are late I will consider your mission failed and the other team will have won. Does everyone understand?” A loud chorus of ‘Yes, sir’ rang out and Gustus nodded happily, before marching up the steps to his front porch, where he took position next to his wife.

“I like your dad but he scares the living shit out of me,” Reyes commented, looking annoyed as the realization dawned on her. “I mean, look at him. Such a nice old man, but then he opens up his mouth and I have to fight the urge to drop down and give him twenty.”

Lexa snickered. “I’ve had to fight that urge since the day I was born.”

Clarke chuckled and placed a hand on Lexa’s lower back as they all huddled up close. She bit her lower lip when she felt Lexa jerk under her touch. Lexa’s green eyes darkened and Clarke felt her body respond to the intensity she found in Lexa’s gaze. The tension between them would need to be handled sooner rather than later. She just had to figure out a way to talk to Niylah, and also figure out what she was going to say.

“What’s the game plan, boss?” Lincoln asked in a low voice, bending at the waist.

“This is a three part mission. My dad likes to call this little game Mission BER - brain, endurance and rescue. We will split up into three groups of two. Luna and Reyes, you two will stay here and work on solving whatever problem my dad has in store for you. Lincoln and Roan you two will take the endurance part.”

“Which means?” Roan asked, eager to get started.

“Running,” Lexa admitted. Clarke was glad she hadn’t picked her for that part. If there was one thing she hated it was running. Almost any other kind of exercise she would be down for, but not running. “My dad has set up an eighteen mile route and you have three hours to complete it. You think you can do it?”

Both men nodded. Lincoln took the map Lexa gave him and soon they were on their way. Both of them liked running but if they had to cover eighteen miles they would have to get a move on.

“What are the two of you going to do?” Raven asked.

“Clarke and I will take the canoe down the bay’s shore to point zero where we will rescue what he’s hidden. If everything goes as planned we will all meet back here at 1500 hours.”

“You better not let me down, Woods,” Luna said, pointing a finger in her face. When Clarke chuckled she soon found that very same finger pointed at her. “Same goes for you, Griffin. I did not agree to this for fun. And I will not lose to Derrick. So you two better come back.”

“At least we don’t have to worry about the two of them fraternizing with the enemy,” Raven commented, when she and Luna walked away.

“She’s charming as always,” Lexa commented dryly, crossing her arms across her chest. Clarke could feel the tension coming off the brunette’s body in waves. Raven’s comment had struck a nerve – with both of them.

“Lexa!” Clarke and Lexa flinched when Gustus’ voice pierced through the air. “You will not win this race by standing around chit chatting. Now move, young lady!”

Clarke and Lexa got to the canoe at the bottom of the Woods’ garden as fast as Lexa’s legs would carry her. With the pace they were setting her limp was obvious and the doctor in Clarke wondered if this was good for her. She didn’t want Lexa injuring herself by falling or straining her leg beyond its limits. Clarke made a mental note to keep an eye on her – she would just have to been discreet about it.

When they pushed off the dock, Lexa took the lead and set the pace for them. Clarke wasn’t a natural at paddling, but years of working with bones had given her an upper arm strength that would certainly benefit them for this task.

“How far do we have to go?” Clarke asked, watching Lexa’s paddle in order to make hers follow the rhythm.

“It’s only four miles,” Lexa replied, looking at Clarke over her shoulder. “You’re okay with this, right?”

“Okay with what?” Clarke asked, frowning.

She wiped her eyes with her forearm when a splash of water hit her face. The water in the bay was relatively still, but a few lazy waves rolled beneath their canoe. She was seeing a whole other side of Castine, and just like the rest she had seen it was beautiful. The shore was colored by a wide range of trees – one more colorful than the other.

“With being paired with me for this part?” Lexa asked. She almost sounded shy, as if she had been presuming that Clarke would want to be paired up with her, but was now thinking otherwise. 

Clarke laughed. “I will say that you did have some stiff competition in Reyes… Who wouldn’t want to spend a few hours in a canoe with her? But you’ll do.”

“I’ll do, huh?” Lexa had turned her head back around, so she was facing forward, but Clarke could still see her shaking her head in amusement.

“Yeah,” Clarke said with a shrug, talking to the blonde’s back. “You can be kind of pleasant when you want to be.”

“You’re really laying on the charm today…” Lexa muttered dryly, making Clarke grin.

“What can I say?” Clarke sighed airily. “You bring it out in me.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Lexa said. “Less talking, more paddling, recruit.”

“Ay, ay, Captain,” Clarke teased, shrieking when Lexa stuck her hand in the water and splashed some of the cold sea water at Clarke.

Clarke lost track of how long they paddled, but when Lexa finally started guiding them towards the shore, she couldn’t help but feel relieved. Her arms were hurting from the pace Lexa had set and her butt was partly numb from sitting in the uncomfortable canoe. Wells was right – the things she would do because Lexa flashed her smile were more than likely numerous. She would have to find a way to build up some sort of willpower around her – otherwise she would never win an argument with Lexa again.

Clarke got out first and extended her hand to help Lexa out. They quickly tied the canoe to a tree before they moved through the trees in search of what Gustus had hidden. Clarke wondered if Lexa knew what they were looking for. But from what Clarke knew of the colonel, she probably didn’t.

“Up there!” Lexa suddenly shouted, pointing towards the top of a tree. Clarke’s mouth fell open.

No way. There was no way that she would climb up that tree and there was no way she would let Lexa do it either. How Gustus had managed to get that flag up that high she had no clue, but she wasn’t about to be the one who brought it down. She did not have a death wish and she wasn’t very keen on having Lexa die out here either.

“What are you doing?” Clarke shrieked and grabbed Lexa’s calf when the brunette climbed up onto the first branch. “Get down.”

“But how are we supposed to get the flag if you won’t let me go up and get it?” Lexa looked down at the hand that was firmly gripping her leg.

“I don’t know, but you’re not climbing up to get it. Now get down here before you break something,” Clarke all but begged. She reached out to grab Lexa’s hips, trying to help her down, but Lexa shrugged her off and used the fact that Clarke had let go of her calf to climb even higher.

“No, Lexa,” Clarke said, battling with herself. The higher Lexa climbed the stronger her urge to close her eyes got.

“I’m fine,” Lexa assured the blonde, who was standing on the grounded looking paler the higher she went.

“Please don’t fall, please don’t fall, please don’t fall…” Clarke mumbled, the words turning into a mantra. Her heart fell to the bottom of her stomach when Lexa reached for the flag. She secured it between her teeth and started her descent. Clarke held her hand in front of her mouth, following Lexa’s every move.

When Lexa got back to the lowest branch she sat down, her legs dangling in front of Clarke’s face. The grin on Lexa’s face was contagious and despite her best intentions to remain annoyed at Lexa for risking her life by climbing up the tree, Clarke had to admit that her shit-eating grin was adorable.

“Catch,” Lexa said, launching herself off the branch.

Clarke had expected Lexa to throw her the flag, but instead she found herself with an armful of Lexa and it caught her by surprise. She lost her balance and they both tumbled to the ground. The leaves softened their fall, but the ground was still cold against Clarke’s back. It stood in stark contrast to the warm body resting on top of her.

Clarke chuckled and let her head fall back against the ground. Lexa’s face was inches from hers, and Clarke couldn’t resist the urge to reach out and touch the soft skin. She pushed a lock of stray hair behind Lexa’s ear, before brushing her thumb over her cheekbone. It made Lexa close her eyes.

“You’ve come so far,” Clarke whispered quietly, continuing to let her finger move across Lexa’s face. She let it trail down the bridge of Lexa’s nose, and over her lips to her chin, tapping her gently there before letting her hand drop.

“What do you mean?” Lexa asked, opening her eyes. She lowered herself to her forearms, but made no move to get off of Clarke.

“It’s barely more than a year ago that you were in a car accident that almost cost you your leg and today you just climbed up a tree….” Clarke paused, chuckling. “Could you please not do that again, though? I’m going to be so mad if you fall down and break something.”

“You made me want to do it,” Lexa admitted, her green eyes shining.

Neither of the two seemed to care that they were lying on the ground, the cold wind blowing across their bodies and the silence of the forest surrounding them. The only things that had Clarke’s attention were Lexa’s green eyes and her heartbeat that thumped strongly against Clarke’s own racing heart.

“I made you want to climb a tree?” Clarke frowned.

“Figuratively speaking,” Lexa explained, her eyes searching Clarke’s, but for what Clarke didn’t know. “You make me want to do stuff again.”

“What kind of stuff?” Clarke voice was hoarse and she nearly didn’t recognize it herself.

Clarke’s breath hitched when Lexa’s eyes stole a glance at her lips. “You make me want to climb trees, to go ice skating, to have fun again…. But more importantly…”

“More importantly?” Clarke echoed.

Lexa’s face softened. She saw a hint of sadness reflect in her green eyes and Clarke knew Lexa had changed her mind – whatever she was about to say would have to be saved for another day. It wasn’t fair to anyone, but a selfish part of Clarke wanted to know what Lexa was about to say. She wanted the brunette to make the decision for her – to make the decision to take their friendship one step forward – Niylah or no Niylah. Every moment in the brunette’s presence weakened her resolve. That had to count for something.

Clarke felt the need to share something with Lexa, to give the blonde some form of conformation that Clarke was thinking about them and dealing with it the best way she knew how.

“You’re really beautiful.” Clarke didn’t know why they were the words she chose, but that was always the first thought that entered her head when she saw Lexa. “And your smile… it’s just… it’s magical.”

“Magical?” Lexa asked, her defenses crumbling at Clarke’s words.

“Yeah,” Clarke sighed, tracing Lexa’s lips with her index finger. “When you smile at me…everything gets better. It makes me feel like I can do anything.”

“You can do anything,” Lexa told her.

“No one’s made me believe it the way that you have.” Clarke tilted her head up, the movement making Lexa’s jerk back in surprise, but Clarke didn’t falter and gently placed a kiss on Lexa’s right cheek.

“Clarke,” Lexa said breathlessly, when Clarke laid her head back down.

The air between them was electric and the small show of affection had stolen their abilities to think straight. Clarke had crossed a line and she knew it. The moment was too tender, too intimate and they had reached a point of no return.

“Tell me no,” Lexa pleaded, reading the conflict in Clarke’s eyes.

Clarke couldn’t say no. There was nothing to say no to anymore. She wanted this more than anything.

She wanted Lexa.

“Tell me no, Clarke,” Lexa said once more, her lips inching their way towards Clarke’s.

Clarke couldn’t speak. She couldn’t think. She could only feel and the second Lexa’s lips brushed against hers everything faded away. Their lips were tentative at first, barely grazing one another. Clarke slowly lifted her right hand, her fingers carefully tangling in the back of Lexa’s dark hair, securing Lexa to her.

Lexa bit down on Clarke’s lower lip, gently pulling it up before letting it go. She soothed the spot her teeth had been with a soft peck. Their lips were chapped from the cold air, but they melted together perfectly. Every brush, every peck, every nip made Clarke crave more and when Lexa’s hot tongue ran along her upper lip Clarke responded to her advances immediately. Their tongues danced, sliding against one another in an intimate rhythm.

“Lexa…” Clarke moaned into the brunette’s mouth, her body shifting beneath her, allowing Lexa to rest more comfortably between her legs.

The heat their bodies were radiating was enough to start a forest fire, and mainline explosions erupted within both women whenever their lips came together. This kiss was unlike any other kiss Clarke had ever shared with anyone. She couldn’t get enough. She would never get enough of Lexa – she would never get enough of the brunette’s lips, the delicate scent of her perfume or the feeling of her body resting so perfectly on top of her own.

“Mhm,” Lexa hummed throatily.

When Clarke rocked her hips up against Lexa’s the brunette’s breath caught, allowing Clarke to deepen their kiss. Both Clarke’s hands were tangled in Lexa’s hair, while Lexa’s cradled Clarke’s face softly. Their lips came together over and over again, each time more demanding than the last. Their breathing was heavy and the feeling of finally caving to their desires made them euphoric.

It was the feeling of the rain beating harder against their bodies that finally pulled the two women apart. Clarke had never seen the brunette’s eyes as dark as they were right there. It made her shiver.

“We should…” Lexa said, looking towards the water.

“Yeah,” Clarke agreed.

They both got up, brushing the fallen leaves of their clothes. Clarke didn’t know what to say. There was too much that needed to be said, but in that moment she had no answers to give Lexa, only a lot of questions. The last couple of minutes flashed before her eyes again and again, torturing her with their moment of weakness. She could still feel Lexa’s lips on hers – she could still feel Lexa’s body resting on top of her and she could still feel the intensity of what they had just shared.

It had changed everything.

The trip back to the Woods’ house was a race against time. They focused on setting a rhythm that would get them home as soon as possible – they still had a game to win. It was a welcome distraction. Clarke’s heart was wild and uncontrolled, threatening to burst right out of her chest given the tiniest excuse. She wondered if Lexa felt the same thing. When the two got back they secured the canoe to one of the dock’s poles, before they hurried along to meet Lexa’s father.

Roan and Lincoln still weren’t back, but neither were Anya and Echo. The two teams waited impatiently, keeping an eye on the road, hoping for their unit to come into sight first.

Clarke was torn between keeping a respectable distance between her and Lexa, afraid that what they had done was somehow clear for all of their friends to see, and her need to be close to her. She really wanted to touch Lexa again. She caught Maya’s questioning gaze and her eyes quickly fell to the ground. She looked to Lexa who was observing her quietly. She had seen Clarke avoid Maya’s gaze.

“There they are!” Bellamy suddenly shouted, pointing towards the end of the road, where four people came running.

Anya and Echo were ahead by a couple of feet.

“Come on!” Bellamy shouted, encouraging his team to pick up their pace.

Soon the air was filled with a mix of people shouting for their teammates to hurry up, encouraging them to give the last of their energy for the homestretch - only Raven resolved to threats, one of them involving Roan’s hair, an unsteady hand and a scissor. Clarke was rather convinced that she meant it. And it looked like Roan was, too. The two men picked up their pace enough for their feet to hit the grass on the Woods’ front yard at the exact same moment Anya and Echo did.

“It’s a tie!” Gustus declared, blowing loudly in his whistle.

“What? _No_!” Raven yelled, turning around on the spot. “Are you blind? We clearly won! We _clearly_ won! A blind donkey could have made that call! Come _on_!”

Gustus raised his eyebrow at the steaming woman, and that was enough for Raven to remember who she was talking to. No one was able to contain their laughter when Raven shrunk an inch before their very eyes.

“Sir…Sir… I didn’t…” Raven stammered, taking a couple of steps backwards, until she was safely within Bellamy’s reach. She took one step around him and disappeared behind the broad man’s back.

“Everyone!” Indra came down the stairs leading up to the house. “Go change. There will be hot chocolate and cake in twenty minutes.”

Clarke, Wells and Maya went to Victor’s house, while the rest went inside the Woods’ house to change. Clarke got one last look at Lexa before she disappeared through the front door. It didn’t take long for them to change, but Clarke’s fight to avoid Maya’s eyes was medal worthy. She knew her friend wanted to know what had happened. But Clarke wasn’t ready to talk about it – at least not with her. 

Then there was Niylah. The women Clarke had told yes. The women she had agreed to marry – the woman’s whose heart she would now have to break. It made Clarke feel like the worst person in the world. But it had to be done. This couldn’t go on. She would never do that to Niylah – she deserved better – and so did Lexa.

The smell of home baked goods filled the air and the fireplace was burning in the living room where everyone was sitting. Octavia sat perched on Lincoln’s lap, talking to Raven and Bellamy, while Anya and Roan were talking to Derrick and Luna. Everyone was there – except for the person Clarke wanted to see. She took the cup of hot chocolate Indra offered her.

“Are you going to tell me?” Maya whispered in her ear.

“No,” Clarke said, before taking a sip of her cup.

“But something did happen,” Maya pushed. Her face showed no sign of judgment, only concern for her friend. Clarke, however, didn’t respond.

Clarke didn’t move an inch, not wanting to give anything away. It wasn’t until her eyes met Anya’s and the blonde woman tilted her head in the direction of the stairs leading upstairs that Clarke moved. She left Maya and Wells behind to mingle and went off in search for Lexa. Only one door was closed in the hallway on the first floor, and Clarke knocked, waiting for someone to open. Her heart was in her throat and her hands felt clammy.

Lexa opened the door, leaning against its frame. “Hi.”

“Are you hiding up here?” Clarke asked, hoping a little humor would ease the tension.

“Not exactly,” Lexa sighed, which meant she had been partly hiding. To be more specific she had been hiding from Clarke. Clarke kind of got her need for hiding at the moment. It seemed like the easy way out.

“May I come in?” Clarke asked. Lexa’s body was blocking the door and Clarke didn’t want to assume that she was welcomed. They had a lot to talk about and if Lexa wasn’t ready – then Clarke would respect that. But when Lexa stepped aside, allowing Clarke to enter, she gave the other woman a soft smile.

Clarke took a look around. “It’s very…. red…”

“I liked red,” Lexa explained, sitting down on her bed.

Clarke noticed the limp was stronger than the last time she saw Lexa and without an invitation she took a seat next to the brunette. She pondered her next move for a second, but when she saw Lexa rub her thigh, she made up her mind.

“Scoot back,” Clarke requested, but Lexa only narrowed her eyes, her body staying put. “Come on, scoot back.”

Lexa relented and moved up the bed, until her back was resting against her headboard. Clarke took Lexa’s foot in her hands, figuring it was the best way to at least release some of the pain Lexa was feeling. There wasn’t much she could do as long as Lexa had her pants on, but asking her to remove them would be a step too far, and Clarke knew she wouldn’t be able to handle it. Scares or no scares – Lexa had amazing legs.

“Are you in a lot of pain?” Clarke asked, pressing against the instep of Lexa’s foot.

“Some,” Lexa admitted, licking her lips. When Clarke hit an extra sore spot, she hissed, sitting up a little straighter. “I’ll live, though.”

“Good,” Clarke said, daring a smile at Lexa. “Look about earlier….”

“You don’t have to say it…” Lexa said, bowing her head. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

Clarke’s hands stilled. She wasn’t an expert at reading Lexa yet, but she had a feeling that Lexa didn’t mean the words that came out of her mouth. Her shoulders were tense; her eyes were aimed at her lap, where her hands were folded, and the way she said it made Clarke calm enough to ask her next question.

“Do you regret it?” That clearly wasn’t what Lexa had been expecting to come out of Clarke’s mouth and her eyes snapped up to meet the blonde’s. Clarke repeated her question. “Do you regret what happened between us?”

“No, but…”

“Don’t say ‘but’,” Clarke said, her hands moving up to gently massage Lexa’s ankle. “No one likes it when someone says ‘but’ in situations like these.”

Lexa bit her lower lip, her eyes peaking at Clarke from behind her beautiful lashes. “Shouldn’t there be a ‘but’, though?”

“Maybe,” Clarke acknowledged, her thumb brushing the slender bones beneath her fingertips. Clarke just knew Lexa would have beautiful bones. Everything else about the blonde was beautiful – it only made sense for her bones to be beautiful as well. And Clarke really liked bones.

They sat in silence, until Clarke finally got up the courage to tell Lexa what she had spent every minute since their kiss thinking about. “I’m going to tell Niylah.”

“About our kiss?” Lexa asked, pulling her foot back from Clarke’s hands. She pulled her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. It made her look younger and more fragile than she was.

Clarke ran a hand over her face, letting it fall down to rest on her chest. Her heart thumped directly beneath her palm. “About everything. It doesn’t have to mean anything for us, but…”

“You said ‘but’s’ were never good,” Lexa commented, and Clarke almost rolled her eyes, not believing that Lexa chose that moment to joke. They would need to work on her timing.

“This is a good ‘but’,” Clarke assured her, and Lexa nodded. “Unless you don’t want to…”

“Clarke…” Lexa sighed, moving down the bed, until she was sitting right in front of the blonde. She took her hands in hers, rubbing soothing circles on the back of her hand. “Of course I…”

They almost sprang apart when someone opened the door without knocking. Maya stood in the doorway, a phone clutched to her hand. She took in the scene of the two women sitting on the queen-sized bed, before her eyes quickly fell on Clarke. The look in Maya’s eyes made Clarke’s heart sink. 

“Maya, what’s wrong?” Clarke asked.

Maya looked down at the phone in her hands. “It’s your sister…. She was in Boston for a conference and there was an accident.”

“An accident?” Clarke repeated, feeling all air leave her lungs. This wasn’t happening – not her sister. “What kind of accident?”

Maya stole a glance at Lexa, and Clarke had her answer right there. But when Maya said the words out loud, it got more real and more heartbreaking. “Car accident.”

“Is she alive?” Clarke asked. She wasn’t prepared for a no. She didn’t want to hear no. She wouldn’t be able to handle hearing no. 

“Yes,” Maya said. “But your parents are flying in from Miami as we speak and Wells is booking our plane tickets. You don’t even have to pack… We’ll just go….”

It took everything Clarke had not to fall apart right then and there.


	9. Chapter 9

A head rested on Lexa’s shoulder and a hand was clinging tightly to her own. She rubbed soothing circles on the back of Clarke’s hand, listening to the blonde’s steady breathing. Even through the dim cabin light she could still make out the tracks Clarke’s tears had left behind on her cheeks. The sound of Clarke’s sobs played like a loop in her head, torturing her like tiny piercing needles, stabbing her heart repeatedly. She hadn’t counted on them affecting her as much as they had, but she found herself willing to do anything to make sure she never had to hear Clarke cry like that again.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we are about to make our final descent into Logan International Airport, would you kindly return to your seats; fasten your seatbelts and return your seat to the fully upright position and ensure that your tables are stowed…”

The speakers coming on disturbed the silence and Lexa felt Clarke’s head burrow further into her neck, clearly fighting to stay asleep. She deserved it. After everything she had been through for the last five hours, she deserved the rest. Maya and Wells shifted in their seats across the aisle, both of them rubbing their eyes.

It was getting late. The sky outside was dark and only Boston’s city lights alerted to the fact that they were getting closer to the ground.

Lexa licked her lips, turning her head towards Clarke’s ear, before whispering, “Clarke…”

“Hmm,” came Clarke’s tired sigh.

“You need to wake up,” Lexa whispered, daring a gentle kiss against Clarke’s forehead. She figured that if Wells or Maya were to see they would write it off as an act of comfort and not think twice about the affection that flowed easily between the two female surgeons. That was what she hoped anyway.

Clarke didn’t move and if it weren’t because they were close to landing – Lexa would have let her sleep. Her gorgeous, blonde hair was draped down her shoulders and her long, beautiful lashes rested softly on her cheeks. Lexa found her irresistible. She longed to brush her lips against Clarke’s full ones and wake Clarke up the best way she knew how. But she would save that for another time – she really hoped there would be another time.

They still had so much to figure out.

“Come on,” Lexa encouraged Clarke, trying to pull her out of dreamland, “time to open those beautiful eyes for me.”

Clarke’s eyes slowly fluttered open, peering up at Lexa. They were red and puffy, and Clarke closed them again almost as soon as she had opened them. “We are really on our way to Boston, aren’t we? It wasn’t just some horrible nightmare. My sister is in the hospital.”

Clarke sat up in her seat, the blanket that had been covering her shoulders falling to her lap. Lexa didn’t know what to say. For Clarke’s sake she had hoped that this was a situation she would never have to be in, but Lexa knew better than anyone that no one had control over these things. Sometimes the best thing to do was simply to roll with the punches, and try to keep breathing. It was all anyone could expect of them in a situation like this.

“She’s going to be fine, Clarke,” Lexa said, intertwining their fingers. She knew it wasn’t a promise she could make, but she wanted to give Clarke a sense of hope.

“What if she isn’t, though?” Clarke’s voice trembled, and Lexa reached her free hand up to cup the blonde’s cheek. Her touch was tender and warm; her skin soft against Clarke’s face and the simple contact seemed to relax Clarke.

“She will be fine,” Lexa repeated softly, adding more confidence to her words. She needed to believe it just as badly as Clarke did. “She’s young and resilient. The odds are in her favor.”

“You’re right.” Clarke placed her hand on top of the one resting on her cheek. Lexa watched as Clarke gently moved her hand, until her mouth was directly beneath Lexa’s palm. She felt the briefest of kisses brush against her hand, making her skin tingle.

Clarke brought them down to her lap, both of their hands intimately intertwined. “Thank you so much for coming. You don’t know how much it means to me.”

“Clarke,” Lexa sighed. “Of course I was going to come. I know we still have a lot to figure out, but… we don’t have to do that today or tomorrow, okay? Let’s just focus on your sister for now and when the time is right… we’ll figure out the rest…”

Lexa felt pressure in her ears, making her swallow. They were seconds from the ground now. The truth was that she badly wanted to figure out what was going on between them, but she understood that Clarke was in no state of mind to be making any kind of decisions until her sister was better. The emotional stress of everything that had been happening lately would be enough to screw with anyone’s head.

Clarke exhaled, her shoulder dropping as some of the weight was lifted from them. “That… that would be really great…but I do promise you that we will figure this out… I _promise_ , Lexa…”

“I know.” Lexa smiled, grinning as a memory from her childhood hit her. “My nana really loved this one quote by Ovid… everything comes gradually and at its appointed hour… Kind of fits, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah.” The soft smile on Clarke’s lips was the first one Lexa had seen from her in hours. “I like it.”

The plane touched ground, and as soon as they were allowed to take their seatbelts off people started streaming out onto the runway, heading towards the arrival terminals. Lexa and Clarke trailed behind Maya, Wells and Victor, leaving them with room for privacy, in another otherwise public place. The distance between them was friendly, but still close enough to offer a distraught Clarke comfort. No one had any luggage they needed to claim – all they had were handbags they had brought on the plane.

“Are we getting a cab?” Lexa asked, once they had made it through security. The airport was close to deserted at this time of night and the wait had been short. “I think we need to get one of those minibuses…”

“Looks like it has been taken care of,” Victor said, pointing towards a man who was holding up a sign with Clarke’s name on it. “Your father never fails to amaze me…even in situations like these he is practical to a fault.”

Wells and Maya didn’t comment, but Lexa had a hard time not letting her surprise show when the man dressed in a black suit led them to a waiting limo. She knew Clarke’s family was well off, but judging by this – she didn’t know to which extent. She shuffled into its back, following Clarke. The blonde looked exhausted as she took a seat next to her grandfather, falling against his side. The old man placed a kiss on Clarke’s temple, offering a bit of reassurance.

Lexa took the drive as an opportunity to close her eyes. She knew she wasn’t going to be anywhere near a bed for the next twenty-four hours, at least, and if she was being honest with herself – her leg was killing her. Her dad’s boot camp workout and a plane ride to Boston were more than her body could handle, but judging by the rest of the people sitting in the limo – she wasn’t the only one who was feeling less than energized.

She felt a familiar hand rest on her knee, but even Clarke’s warm touch couldn’t bring her to open her eyes. She merely covered the hand with her own.

When they got to Brigham Wells was the one who talked to the receptionist, asking what floor they could find Harper on, but when she wouldn’t release the information to him, he pulled Clarke up to the desk, getting her to talk to the woman. Lexa waited patiently behind them with Victor and Maya – the old man had his arm linked with the other woman’s. As a doctor Lexa wondered if this kind of stress was advisable for a man his age, but as a person she knew there was nothing that could keep him from his granddaughter’s bedside.

“Third floor,” Wells said, walking towards the elevators. “She’s out of surgery, but they are keeping her in the ICU.”

The ride up was quiet, no one knowing what to say. Clarke was leaning against the back wall of the elevator, her hands clutching the rails. Lexa’s eyes never strayed from her for more than a second. She wanted to make sure that the beautiful blonde wasn’t going to fall apart on her – even though she feared it was inevitable. When the doors opened to the third floor, they stepped out and were immediately greeted by four people. Lexa guessed that the two older people were Clarke’s parents and that the man and the baby in his arms were Clarke’s brother-in-law and her nephew.

“Clarke,” the older man said, taking Clarke in his arms, placing a protective hand on the back of his daughter’s head.

“Jake and Abby,” Maya supplied helpfully, whispering quietly in Lexa’s ears as she watched Clarke and Victor get reacquainted with their family. “The man next to Jake is Harper’s husband Monty, and the little guy is their son Matteo.”

“How old is he?” Lexa asked quietly. She had heard Clarke talk about Harper and her family before, but her knowledge of them was still limited.

“He’s only eight months old,” Maya said. “Poor Monty…He must be beside himself.” 

Both Jake and Monty wore suits, but the younger man’s tie hung loose around his neck and Clarke’s dad had unbuttoned the top two buttons of his own shirt. Abby’s skirt showed a few wrinkles, and her eyes matched Clarke’s – red and puffy. Lexa had no chance of keeping up with the words that was tossed between the four people, only managing to catch a single word here and there, but not enough to piece together a sentence.

“You know,” Lexa said almost inaudibly, following Maya as she took a seat in one of the chairs in the waiting lounge. “I don’t even know what Harper looks like. I’m sitting here… worried out of my mind about someone I don’t know…. She could walk past me anywhere…and I wouldn’t even look twice…”

Maya turned her head and looked at her softly, studying the blonde woman’s features. “You’re here for Clarke…”

Maya’s words were a cross between a statement and a question. Lexa didn’t know what to say. Maya was right. She had gotten on the plane for Clarke. She hadn’t even given herself a moment to think about it – to consider how complicated things could get if Niylah were to show up, but so far so good. She felt like she had made the right decision by coming and she wasn’t leaving until Clarke told her to leave.

Wells plopped down in an empty chair next to Maya, bending forward to let his head rest in his hands. Maya placed a hand on his back and slowly rubbed up and down. “They are keeping her here for the rest of the night… hopefully they’ll be able to move her tomorrow, but she is in for a long recovery.”

“Do they know what happened to her?” Lexa asked. “What did her doctors say?”

“She broke her left ulna and two ribs…punctured her right lung and she has a concussion… there was….there was minor internal bleedings, but everything is under control…the police are still trying to figure out what happened…”

“Was anyone else hurt?” Maya questioned, leaning her head back against the wall. Everyone was tapping into their last reserves of energy.

“No,” Wells sighed, the heel of his hands rubbing his eyes, before he sat back up, forcing Maya to remove her hand. “Both drivers got away with minor scrapes...Harper is the only one.”

Lexa sighed and nodded her head. She wanted to be grateful that no one else was hurt, but she desperately wished that the one who was – wasn’t Clarke’s sister. She felt Maya’s fingers tap her knee and she followed Maya’s eyes towards the blonde who was walking towards them. Clarke’s hair was a mess and she looked ready to drop at any moment.

She came to a stop in front of Lexa, who sat up straighter. That move almost took everything out of the brunette. She was fried. “How are you?”

“Tired,” Clarke chuckled humorlessly, crossing her arms across her chest. “We can’t see her for another few hours.”

“Is there anything we can do, Clarke?” Wells asked, his concern obvious.

“No… all we can do now is to wait.” Clarke looked back towards her parents. Abby now had little Matteo tucked in her arms, his head resting on his grandmother’s shoulder. “Dad booked rooms at the Four Seasons…just mention his name to the receptionist and he’ll give you a key.”

“Clarke, we are not leaving.” Maya protested. “We’ll stay here with you.”

“No, it’s okay. You guys need some sleep and we all know waiting rooms aren’t the best place to catch a nap,” Clarke tried to assure her friends, but Maya looked like she wasn’t about to budge. “Please, Maya… Take my pops to the hotel. He can’t stay here…”

“Clarke,” Maya protested.

“I’ll stay with her,” Lexa volunteered. She wanted to be with Clarke and she wasn’t leaving for anything. No one could drag her away from Clarke’s side. She smiled at Maya and Wells, hoping to convince the other two surgeons.

“Yeah, sure,” Maya finally relented, standing up to pull Clarke into a tight hug.

She watched as Wells and Maya said goodbye to Clarke’s parents, before walking Victor towards the elevators. There was nothing any of them could do anyway, it was all just a waiting game from here on out. Lexa reached out and took Clarke’s hand in hers, pulling her to the seat next to her. She didn’t let go of her hand once Clarke’s body came to rest against hers. She caught Jake and Abby’s curious glances, but it appeared that they were too tired to comment on the unknown woman holding their daughter’s hand - a woman who wasn’t their daughter’s fiancée.

“You should get some sleep,” Lexa whispered, fighting to keep her own eyes open.

“I don’t think I can,” Clarke admitted.

“Of course you can.” Lexa scooted over a couple of seats. She took off her jacket and folded it in her lap, patting the fabric gently. She didn’t miss the fleeting look Clarke shot in her parents’ direction – maybe, that was a step too far. But she knew if there was any way that Clarke was going to survive the next couple of days she would need to get some sleep now.

“What about you?” Clarke sighed. “Your leg must be killing you.”

“Don’t worry about that right now, okay? Just get some sleep… for me? Please?” It seemed to do the trick. Clarke curled up beside her – her body stretching out across a few empty seats, with her head resting in Lexa’s lap.

Lexa placed her right hand on Clarke’s hip, while her left hand gently ran through Clarke’s beautiful blonde hair. She kept the motion up, fighting off her own sleep until she heard Clarke’s breathing even out. She was finally asleep, and that knowledge was the final blow to Lexa’s fight for staying awake. She was out light a light.

It wasn’t until the early morning sun came streaming through the windows that Lexa once again opened her eyes. She heard shouting down the hall, but she still felt the weight of Clarke’s head in her lap and she knew that whatever was going on, it didn’t involve Harper. She raised her arms above her head, trying to stretch her sore muscles. Her body was screaming at her – loud, crying wails of protest. It was almost enough to make her whimper. This day was going to suck – really suck.

“Lexa?” Apparently, Lexa’s move had stirred Clarke from her sleep. “Oh my God, you slept here… all night… sitting up. I’m so sorry.”

“I’m good, Clarke.” Lexa ran a hand over her face, before swiping a finger under her eyes, removing the evidence of yesterday’s make-up. “How did you sleep?”

“Good… thanks to you.” She added the last words quietly, her head turning over until she could look up at Lexa’s eyes. Her eyes were still red, but they weren’t as puffy as last night. She looked better. “I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

Lexa didn’t say anything; instead she ran a hand over Clarke’s cheek, giving her a soft smile. Jake and Abby were still sleeping, both leaning back against the wall on the other side of the room. Clarke’s dad had his arm around his wife and her head was tucked under his chin. They looked peaceful, but Lexa knew they were anything but. Monty was slowly walking back and forth in the waiting room, rocking his son in his arms. Lexa hoped they had at least gotten a little sleep.

Clarke sat up, tying her hair back into a somewhat presentable ponytail. Her brother in law must have seen them talk, because he came over passing off little Matteo to his aunt’s waiting arms. Clarke rocked the sleeping baby in her arms, crooning softly at him.

“It’s Lexa, right?” Monty said, extending his hand towards her. Lexa took it and nodded. “I’m Clarke’s brother-in-law. Monty Green.”

“I’m really sorry about your wife,” Lexa said politely, her eyes turning to the bundle in Clarke’s arms when Clarke’s nephew let out a yawn. “You’re son’s really handsome.”

“Thank you.” Lexa had been in pediatrics for a long time and she knew if there was one thing that could bring a smile to a parent’s lips it was hearing someone praise their child.

“How are you holding up, Monty?” Clarke asked, freeing one hand to place it on his back. He opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again. He buried his head in his hands and his shoulders started shaking, silent sobs running through his body. Clarke looked to Lexa who was quick to take Matteo from her arms.

She stood up and moved away, giving the two of them a moment of privacy to talk. Lexa held the baby against her chest, willing her heartbeat to slow in order to keep the young boy calm. He had beautiful, black hair and the tiniest fingers. Clarke’s nephew was adorable. She walked up and down the halls, the movement helping not only Matteo, but also her stiff leg. She saw nurses and doctors bustling around and it felt oddly strange to be on the other side of the line. It was like she was experiencing everything for the first time. It was enough to make her realize that she really liked being on the doctor side of things – feeling this useless sucked.

She heard the elevator open a few feet in front of her and she saw Maya, Wells and Victor step out, all of them dressed in yesterday’s clothes, but looking more rested.  
“How is she?” Victor asked. “Any news?”

“She’s sleeping and right now no news is good news,” Lexa assured the older man, keeping her voice low enough to not wake up his great-grandchild.

Victor nodded and hurried towards the waiting room, leaving Lexa alone with Wells and Maya.

Wells was carrying a carrier of beverages. She really hoped it was coffee. She desperately wanted a cup of coffee. Maya came over, stealing a look at the sleeping boy in Lexa’s arms. “Where’s Monty?”

“He’s talking to Clarke,” Lexa said quietly. She placed a kiss on his forehead. It had been a long time since she had held a baby, but holding Matteo felt right – like he was family. Maybe someday he would be, but Lexa quickly shoved that thought away. There was enough that needed to be dealt with at the moment.

“Do you need me to take him? You look like you could use a coffee injection.” Maya motioned for the cup Wells was offering her, but as much as she wanted coffee, she didn’t want to let the little guy go, so she shook her head.

“Are you su…” Maya’s voice trailed off, her eyes going wide. “Oh no.”

Lexa looked in the direction Maya was looking and it was clear that the woman heading their way was walking towards them. She was tall, an inch or two taller than Lexa and she had long, blonde hair. She moved as fast as her high heels would carry her, her bag slung over her shoulder and her jacket hanging off her arm. She was beautiful, really beautiful and Lexa had a bad feeling that she knew who this was. She didn’t want it to be true, but with her luck, she was sure that she was looking at Clarke’s fiancée.

“Maya! Wells! Where is she? I came as soon as I heard,” Niylah said, pulling both Wells and Maya into a hug. It didn’t look like she had noticed Lexa. “How is Harper?”

“She’s stable,” Wells said, looking back and forth between Lexa and Niylah. “When did you get here?”

“I took an early morning flight,” Niylah explained, pushing a lock of stray hair behind her ear. “I heard about the accident from my cousin and I’ve been trying to get a hold of Clarke all night, but she isn’t picking up her phone, so I decided to just get on a plane and go up here... Clarke _is_ here, right?”

“She’s here,” Maya said, taking a sip of her own cup. How Niylah wasn’t picking up on the tension that electrified their air in the hallway – Lexa had no idea. This was the last thing her and Clarke needed right now. “She’s in the waiting room with the rest.”

“Let’s go then,” Niylah said, linking her arm with Maya’s, heading towards the waiting room down the hall.

Wells came up behind Lexa and placed a hand on her shoulder, encouraging her forward. She didn’t want to go. What she wanted to do was run in the opposite direction and get out of Boston as fast as she could. She was here for Clarke and she would fight for Clarke, but she didn’t know if she had it in her to watch Clarke and her fiancée interact. She feared that could be the straw that broke the camel’s back.

“Try not to look so terrified,” Wells whispered in her ear, as they entered the waiting room right behind Niylah and Maya.

Lexa’s eyes instantly fell on Clarke, who looked nothing short of petrified when her eyes landed on Niylah. They shot to Lexa, but this time Lexa couldn’t do anything to comfort her. She felt just as lost as Clarke looked. She watched Niylah give Clarke a peck on her stunned lips, and the small gesture made the bile rise in her throat. This wasn’t happening.

When Niylah wrapped her arms around Clarke, who still hadn’t moved an inch, Lexa needed to get out. She gently handed Matteo off to Wells and excused herself. “I just need to use the bathroom.”

She didn’t think that Wells bought her excuse, but in that moment she couldn’t care less.

She fled to the nearest bathroom, where she found the closest stall to hide in. She flipped down the lid of the toilet and sat down. Her heart was racing, her palms were sweaty and she felt physically sick. She should have known Niylah was going to come – in reality she was still Clarke’s fiancée and any good fiancée would come in a situation like this.

The irony of things didn’t escape her. Look-wise Niylah was everything she wasn’t. Lexa was brunette with green eyes and Niylah was a blonde. Lexa knew she had curves, but nothing to match those of Niylah. And Lexa was pretty sure Niylah didn’t have a thigh that looked like a shark had used it as a chew toy. She really wished Anya was here right now to offer her some advice, because she felt lost.

A knock came on the stall’s door. “Lexa? Are you in there?”

She could see Maya’s shoes through the crack at the bottom, and she sighed. “Yeah.”

“Are you going to come out or will I have to climb the stall door?” Maya asked. It was a sweet attempt at lifting Lexa’s spirit, but Lexa considered her options. She would pay to see Maya try to climb the door, so staying seated could pay off.

“Lexa?” Maya tried again, and pushed the door open when she heard a small click. When the door hit the stall wall it echoed through the hospital’s bathroom. Maya was leaning against its frame, her arms crossed across her chest. “You’re certainly quicker than a squirrel on speed when you want to be.”

“Kick me when I’m down, why don’t you?” Lexa said, standing up and walking out of the stall. She moved over to stand in front of the mirrors, trying to tame the wild birds nest on top of her head – she could really use a shower and a brush.

“Clarke didn’t know she was coming, Lexa… none of us knew or we would have warned you,” Maya said, moving up next to Lexa. She leaned back against the sink, her hands placed on either side of her.

Lexa bit her lower lip and closed her eyes. “It’s fine…really… she’s Clarke’s fiancée… she’s… it is fine.”

“Fine?” Maya raised an eyebrow. “That’s the word you’re using? Fine?”

“What do you want me to say, Maya?” Lexa sighed. She dropped her head and rolled her shoulders, trying to release some of the tension that was building.

“I know something happened yesterday… Clarke won’t talk about it, but I’ve been friends with her for a long time and she has that look in her eyes….” Maya rambled but Lexa cut her off.

“If Clarke won’t tell you then I’m not going to either.” Lexa didn’t mean to be rude, but the problems were piling up and their weight was getting to her.

Maya squinted her eyes, nodding slowly. “Have you given any thought to what we talked about?”

“Maya,” Lexa said in a warning tone. She was sure Maya meant well, but she couldn’t handle it right now. She felt like someone had dumped her in the deep end of the swimming pool and forgotten to toss her a pair of floaties. She was sinking and she didn’t like it.

The door to the bathroom was opened once again and the only person Lexa really wanted to be near came through it. Maya excused herself, leaving the two women alone and as soon as she had stepped through it, Clarke swiftly turned the lock.

Clarke and Lexa stared at each other, neither knowing what to say, but both trying hard to find the right words. In the end it was Clarke who took the first step and moved towards Lexa, until she had her arms wrapped around the brunette.

“I’m so, so, sorry,” Clarke mumbled into Lexa’s hair, tightening her grip. “I had no idea that she was coming. I promise that it wasn’t me who called her.”

“I know,” Lexa replied, taking in a deep breath, letting Clarke’s scent fill her senses. “This is just…”

“A really sucky situation?” Clarke offered, making Lexa chuckle. She shouldn’t, because Clarke was right. There was no good way for this to end – someone was going to get their heart broken. She just hoped it wasn’t going to be her. She didn’t think she would survive another heartbreak this soon after losing Nyko.

Lexa kissed the soft skin where Clarke’s shoulder met her neck. “What do you need from me? Should I stay….or would you rather I leave? With Niylah here… I just… I don’t want to cause a scene.”

“I don’t know…” Clarke said honestly, a few tears escaping her. “I don’t want you to leave, but I don’t know how I can have you around and not have everyone find out my feelings for you…”

Hearing Clarke admit to having feelings for her calmed her, but she knew that if those feelings weren’t strong enough she would still be the one with a broken heart. “So…I should go…”

Clarke pulled back from her embrace. Her eyes were brimming with tears and Lexa could feel her own fighting to be freed. “No...”

“Clarke,” Lexa sighed. The way she said it sounded awfully defeated and close to a protest, but it was swallowed when a pair of lips claimed hers.

This kiss wasn’t anything like the one they shared the day before. It wasn’t tentative, it wasn’t soft and it wasn’t slow. Clarke’s lips pushed against Lexa’s in a demanding way, her hands dropping down to take a firm grip of her hips. Lexa responded with vigor. She wasn’t about to deny herself this no matter how wrong it was. She opened her mouth beneath Clarke’s, sucking the brunette’s tongue into her mouth, while anchoring her hands in Clarke’s hair. The passion between them only intensified when Lexa’s back met the wall.

“Clarke,” Lexa moaned, doing everything in her power to convey just how badly she wanted this. How badly she wanted Clarke to want this.

She wanted to kiss every memory Clarke had of Niylah right out of her mind.

“Lexa,” Clarke murmured, her lips ghosting down the skin of Lexa’s neck. She nipped and sucked at the tender skin, all the while using her body to press the brunette against the wall. One hand strayed from Lexa’s hip, slowly making its way downwards until she could slide her hand into the back pocket of Lexa’s jeans.

Clarke pulled their lower bodies together, effectively erasing anything that resembled coherent thought from Lexa’s mind.

“Fuck…Lex…” Clarke returned her lips to Lexa’s, letting them melt together over and over again, until the realization of what they were doing dawned on them.

They were standing in a hospital’s bathroom, making out like teenagers while Clarke’s fiancée was literally just down the hall. Lexa sighed and rested her forehead against Clarke’s, their hooded eyes studying each other.

Clarke licked her lips, but made no move to remove her hands, which had now both found their way into the back pockets of Lexa’s jeans.

“You’ll stay?” Clarke asked softly.

“I’ll stay,” Lexa promised.

She just really hoped she wasn’t going to regret it.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Normally, I don't give spoilers, but I know that some of you aren't comfortable with the level of physical intimacy that has developed between Clarke and Lexa, because things are still unsolved with Niylah, so, in the interest of trying to avoid offending anyone, or making anyone uncomfortable - I'm gonna go ahead and say that if you're one of them, then you should skip the first 2/3 of this chapter.
> 
> To the rest of you - enjoy ;)

She was resting on her side, facing the wall of the hotel room, and despite the fact that it was the middle of the night – she was wide awake. For hours, she had waited for sleep to finally come and take her away, but never once did her eyelids droop. She envied the steady breathing behind her and the small snores and whimpers that would escape every couple of minutes and tickle her ear. A hand was resting on her hip, a simple touch, but one that spoke volumes. What once had represented comfort now caused emotional panic.

She was betraying not one, but two people. She was becoming the person she said she would never be.

Down the hall, she had someone waiting for her - someone who trusted that she would do the right thing, because that was the kind of person she believed her to be. But the person sleeping peacefully behind her trusted her to be the same thing, and in reality? She couldn’t be that person for both of them. There wasn’t a compromise to be made. She was at a crossroad, one that would never reconcile again.

Life without Lexa was a life with Niylah, but a life without Lexa was unimaginable. The thought that she would never get to see those green eyes study her in that way they so often did in a moment of happiness, was threatening to crush her heart.

The hand on her hip slipped lower, coming to a rest just beneath her navel. The pressure she felt when the hand pulled her gently backwards, into a warm embrace, caused a tear to slide down her cheek. She was being cocooned in a blanket of warmth - a hand on her stomach, a leg finding its place between hers and a feather like brush of lips against the shell of her ear.

“You’re thinking,” Niylah murmured sleepily in her ear. “Stop it.”

“I have a lot on my mind,” Clarke confessed.

Niylah sighed, snuggling closer until her chin was resting on Clarke’s shoulder. “Harper is fine. She out’s of the ICU, she’s talking and she’s smiling. Don’t worry, okay? Monty is going to take good care of her.”

“I know, but…” Clarke’s words got caught off by a pair of lips planting a kiss just below her jawbone.

“Honey,” Niylah whispered, closing her eyes. “It’s 4am. There is nothing in the world that’s important enough for you to lay awake worrying about it.”

Clarke nearly cried at Niylah’s words. She was wrong – so wrong. Their entire future was hanging in the balance, and Niylah was being kept in the dark. It was unfair, but Clarke’s heart was pulling her in different directions and there seemed to be no stopping the emotional maelstrom.

“I think I am going to go get some air.” Clarke inched towards the edge of the bed, pulling herself up until her feet reached the carpeted floor beneath her.

“You can’t go out now,” Niylah said, sitting up and pulling the bed sheets up across her chest. “It’s the middle of the night, Clarke.”

“I just…” Clarke stood up, and went to go pull on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. “I need to get out.”

“Oh, God.” Niylah rubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands. She threw the covers off herself and got out of bed. “I’m coming with you then.”

“No,” Clarke quickly replied, sending her fiancée an apologetic look. “I just need some time on my own. I’ll be careful. I promise.”

“Clarke, it is Boston. It’s 4am and it is raining outside. I’m not letting you go out there on your own.” Niylah’s tone was serious, and without offering Clarke’s words much thought, she continued to get ready. She had one leg in her pants, when Clarke quickly closed the door behind her, moving towards the hallway.

Once out of her own room she waited, her back resting against the door, to make sure that Niylah wasn’t going to follow her. The light in the ceiling was harsh, and she squinted a few times, trying to get used to it. She had no idea where she was going to go. The desire to wander around Boston wasn’t particularly strong, but the need to get out of her hotel room had been. She glanced down the hallway, a certain door drawing her eyes.

She shouldn’t. That was the bottom line. But she did.

She knocked quickly, her heart thumping in her chest. The line between right and wrong was blurred and when the door in front of her opened it crumbled into a pile of dust. Lexa’s hair was messy from sleep; her face free of make-up and only a t-shirt covered her tiny frame. It happened automatically. Clarke’s eyes were drawn to Lexa’s leg – for the first time getting to see just what had happened to the person who had captured her heart.

“Lexa,” Clarke whispered, her eyes darting up to meet soft green eyes.

All she found was peace.

For once there was no apprehension, fear or blame. Lexa’s chest moved slowly under her gaze. She tilted her head, studying Clarke with the same intensity that always tore right through Clarke’s heart, setting it on fire. Clarke licked her lips, taking a step forward. Lexa moved back, away from the door opening and into the room, waiting patiently for Clarke to follow. She closed the door behind them, encasing them in a familiar darkness only broken by the moonlight shining through the big windows in the living room.

“Why are you here?” Lexa’s voice was breathless. “Shouldn’t you be sleeping?”

Clarke’s hand reached out, grabbing onto the hem of Lexa’s t-shirt. “I couldn’t lie there… sharing a bed with Niylah when you were right down the hall.”

Lexa’s eyes dropped to the hand toying with her sleepwear. “Oh.”

“Good ‘oh’?” Clarke moved forward, her face inches from Lexa’s. Her heart jumped when she heard the soft thud of Lexa’s back meeting the wall.

Clarke hadn’t missed the look of hurt that flashed across Lexa’s face at the mention of her sharing a bed with Niylah, and she wanted to make sure that she wasn’t overstepping any boundaries. The last thing she wanted to do was make her uncomfortable.

“Clarke,” Lexa whimpered, drawing her bottom lip between her teeth, when she felt a hand find its place on her hip. “You need to stop.”

Clarke’s eyes closed, and she took one last step forward, removing the remaining distance between them. Their bodies were flush. Clarke’s chest rose and fell with the movements of Lexa’s and their heartbeats aligned.

“Why?” Clarke questioned, nuzzling her nose against the soft skin of Lexa’s neck.

“Because if you don’t, I won’t.” Lexa’s hands circled Clarke’s body, tilting her head back. “I respect you, Clarke and I respect that things are complicated with Niylah, but having you here…pressed up against me, your hands on my naked skin…I’m only human.”

Clarke pressed her body that last invisible inch against Lexa’s, forcing the taller woman to part her legs. She allowed Lexa’s words to echo in her head, but she couldn’t find it in her heart to stop. Her skin was too soft, her body too warm and their connection too powerful. She caught Lexa’s gaze, watching her face closely as she let her hands move under the black t-shirt. The tips of her fingers ghosted across Lexa’s sensitive skin, making the brunette’s mouth drop open - a gasp escaping her as her muscles twitched beneath Clarke’s curious fingers.

“Jesus,” Lexa breathed, unable to control her body’s reaction to the stunning blonde in front of her. “Are you sure?”

Clarke didn’t say anything. She continued to let her fingers trail over the soft skin, but when her index finger found a part of the blonde’s smooth belly that was slightly puckered – she stopped. Clarke frowned, and moved her finger up the line on Lexa’s side. She knew what this was. She barely had to move her tip down until she felt a small dot. She counted back down the line – one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve.

“Twelve stitches,” Clarke whispered, receiving a nod from Lexa. “Why?”

“The accident,” Lexa replied, closing one hand around the one exploring the scar. She moved it higher, until it rested right beneath her sternum. She placed her own index finger on top of Clarke’s and guided the brunette’s hand this time – counting with her.

This one was longer.

“Twenty,” Clarke said, letting her finger rest on the bottom of the scar. She felt like she was seeing Lexa without her eyes, like she was getting to know the person in front of her on a deeper level. She had seen Lexa and she loved what she saw, but feeling her, getting to explore such deep memories with her was soul binding.

Clarke felt a pair of hands glide to her front, coming to rest on the button of her jeans. She looked down, watching Lexa’s finger trace the metal, silently asking for permission.

“This changes everything,” Lexa said seriously, wanting Clarke to know what the stakes were. This wasn’t a onetime deal – this would lead to more. What would be given tonight was nothing short of their hearts. They would belong to each other – no matter who said differently. “I can’t do this…I won’t do this… if you don’t mean it, Clarke. Am I what you want?”

“You’re everything I want,” Clarke confessed.

That was the truth. Lexa was the gold at the end of the rainbow.

Lexa pushed the button through its hole and raised her arms. Clarke didn’t know if she was breathing anymore at that point – all she could do was feel and let her emotions guide her. She grabbed the hem of Lexa’s t-shirt and with all the confidence she could muster raised it above her head, tossing it to the floor besides them. 

“Wow.” Clarke hadn’t meant to say it out loud, but the sight of Lexa left her breathless. The creamy skin, the full chest and the softly toned stomach were screaming to be touched, and Clarke was quick to abide. She let her hands run their own trail up Lexa’s back, resting when they found her strong shoulder blades.

The heat between them was sizzling.

She kissed a path from the crook of Lexa’s neck up to the soft skin just below her ear. She sucked gently, before letting her tongue sooth the spot. Clarke felt Lexa’s knees buckle and she tightened her grip on the brunette.

“Bed?” Clarke suggested softly, her breath tickling Lexa’s ear.

Without any words, Lexa guided them to her bedroom. Their fingers were laced and there was no hurry. Clarke unabashedly admired Lexa’s form from behind. Her delicate back, her waist that curved out beautifully at her hips and her amazing legs made Clarke’s heart beat double. That this beautiful and special woman had chosen her, in spite of the fact that walking away would have been easier – for the both of them – was humbling.

“I think you are wearing too much clothes,” Lexa said, coming to a stop at the side of her bed. She unhurriedly removed Clarke’s sweatshirt and jeans, taking the time to learn Clarke’s body as she went. Kisses were dusted, fingers explored and lips claimed what now belonged to them. Their tongues danced, sliding against one another, trying to gain the upper hand. But when Lexa had Clarke stripped down to her underwear, she was the one who suddenly found herself on the bed.

She scooted backwards, until her head was able to rest on the pillows and watched as Clarke moved above her.

Clarke bent her head, her lips brushing ever so softly across the skin of Lexa’s left thigh. The brunette’s head snapped up and Clarke paused, letting her eyes connect with Lexa’s before she dipped her head back down. She traced her lips across the scares on Lexa’s leg, but never once did she lose eye contact with the stunning brunette. She knew that having someone this close was pushing Lexa’s boundaries, but the overwhelming need to show Lexa just how perfect she thought she was overcame any fear of scaring her.

“Are you okay?” Clarke asked, placing the softest of kisses on Lexa’s left hipbone. The move drove Lexa’s hips to rise off the bed, following Clarke’s lips up as they left her skin.

“I’m…” Lexa swallowed, closing her eyes as gentle kisses ran up her stomach. “I’m good.”

“Good,” Clarke breathed, her lips finally brushing against Lexa’s.

She lowered herself, allowing their bodies to make contact from head to toe. Lexa bent her knees and carefully placed a hand on the back of Clarke’s head, her fingers tangling in the long, soft, blonde hair. Their mouths moved in sync, nipping, sucking and licking each other’s lips. Lexa rocked her hips, making Clarke moan. Lexa’s hands trailed across Clarke’s back until she reached the clasp of her bra. Clarke smirked against Lexa’s lips when she felt it come lose and helped the brunette slide it off her body. Both women gasped at the sensation when their chests once again touched – this time without any barriers.

“You feel so good,” Lexa sighed breathlessly.

“I’ve never seen anyone as beautiful as you,” Clarke confessed in Lexa’s ear, her teeth tugging teasingly at Lexa’s earlobe.

“Your lips are so soft.” Clarke moved her lips to Lexa’s, stealing another deep kiss. “I could kiss you forever.”

Lexa chuckled, her eyes sparkling as an effect of Clarke’s affection. “Play your cards right and I just might let you do that.”

“Oh, really?” Clarke laughed, letting her tongue slide against Lexa’s. “You sure about that? No complaints?”

Lexa shook her head, anchoring both hands in Clarke’s hair and whispered. “No complaints.”

Their freely flowing laughter lifted their hearts. It seemed so simple being here with each other, sharing an intimate moment and carefree laughter. This was how it was supposed to be. This was what every man and every woman should have – love. They hadn’t said the words yet, but they both felt it in each other’s touch. The tender way they explored each other, paying attention to which spots got the biggest reaction and the way they tenderly removed the lasts of their clothing until nothing was between them.

“May I?” Clarke asked her fingers no more than an inch or two from where Lexa so desperately needed her.

Lexa nodded, afraid words might fail her. She gasped into Clarke’s mouth, allowing the blonde’s tongue to claim Lexa’s mouth further, as she moved her fingers within the brunette. Clarke moved them expertly, setting a pace that was soon matched by Lexa’s hips.

“Oh God,” Lexa panted, tearing her lips away from Clarke’s to force air into her lungs. “Oh God, Oh God.”

“It’s okay,” Clarke whispered, watching Lexa’s eyes close in ecstasy. “You can let go. I’ve got you. Just come for me.”

Lexa’s climax was like an emotional tidal wave that washed over Clarke. She felt as if her heart had been put under a microscope and she could do nothing but feel and watch, as Lexa’s soul reached into hers, tying itself tightly to her own. It was a pull she had never felt before, an emotional connection she didn’t think possible and it gave her a sense of peace. She had made the right choice.

Lexa was the right choice.

She was worth whatever uphill battle they might have to face from here on out. 

They were worth it.

No words were exchanged, before it was Clarke who moaned into Lexa’s mouth at the invasion of gentle fingers, zooming in on that spot that drove her wild. Clarke bit her lip and closed her eyes, completely unaware of Lexa’s studying eyes that roamed her face, taking in every twitch and tremble that crossed the blonde’s features. She moved her head up, ghosting her lips across Clarke’s, keeping her rhythm steady within her. She smiled when Clarke whimpered against her lips.

“Clarke?” Lexa’s mouth was close enough for her lips to touch Clarke’s ear. “Let me feel you, baby.”

It was the sweet chuckle followed by a soft kiss on her jaw line that became Clarke’s undoing. Her head rolled back and her mouth opened as her body trembled at Lexa’s touch. She didn’t hear the soothing words Lexa whispered in her ear, she could only feel the soft hand that ran down her back, bringing her back to earth with its tender touch.

“That was…” Clarke trailed off, her eyes taking in Lexa’s relaxed body. She didn’t think she had ever seen the brunette this relaxed and knowing that she had something to do with it, brought a smile to her face.

“It was amazing.” Lexa kissed Clarke’s forehead when the blonde laid her head down on Lexa’s chest, her hand rubbing up and down Lexa’s stomach – every so often feeling a residual twitch.

Moments of silence passed between them. Lexa’s nails ran up and down Clarke’s back, leaving goosebumps in their wake, while Clarke’s finger memorized the scares on Lexa’s stomach. She had never been more grateful for the survival of another person than she was for Lexa’s. She didn’t know what she had done to deserve to have this woman be a part of her life.

“Lexa?” Clarke murmured, rising up on one arm. She brushed a stray piece of hair behind Lexa’s ear.

“Hmm,” Lexa hummed, turning her head to meet Clarke’s eyes. 

“Will you tell me about it?” Clarke asked, her heart thumping a little harder at her request. “About the accident, I mean.”

“What do you want to know?” Lexa asked gently, no trace of apprehension or anger.

“What happened that day?” Clarke asked. “I know what happened after, but I’ve never really heard anyone talk about what happened the day of the accident. I understand if you don’t want to talk about it, but I’ve always wondered.”

Lexa moved her hand down to cover Clarke’s, which was resting peacefully on her stomach. She turned her eyes to study the ceiling above them, her mind taking her back to that day. “I had just picked up Nyko from the airport. Mom and dad didn’t know he was coming home that day. He’d been overseas for another tour and he wanted to surprise them, so that’s why it was just the two of us in the car.”

Clarke nodded and moved her head back down to Lexa’s chest. She could feel the tremors of Lexa’s voice through her chest.

“He umm…” Lexa swallowed and tightened her grip on Clarke’s hand. “He was telling me about some stupid prank he played on his bunk mate. He was laughing so hard, Clarke – so hard. I still remember his eyes … the way they lit up at the mention of his friends. It was just so Nyko, you know?”

Clarke didn’t dare interrupt Lexa’s talk, so she stayed quiet and watched the brunette woman lying next to her.

“I don’t actually remember much of what happened at the intersection if I am being honest. I remember a loud sound coming from my right and when I turned my head I saw two bright lights heading towards us. It completely blinded me and cast this weird shadow over Nyko, like he was gone the moment I saw the lights. Like they stole him, you know?” A tear caught in the corner of Lexa’s eye, reflected by the moonlight that played upon it.

“After that it was just pain and blackness,” Lexa said with a trembling voice, moving their joined hands up to rest on her heart, “so much pain.”

Clarke watched as Lexa’s fingers unconsciously moved on top of her own, tracing up and down with feather like touches. When the tear in Lexa’s eye was set free it didn’t take long for others to follow. Clarke moved up, kissing the warm, salty water away from Lexa’s cheek.

“Cry,” Clarke whispered quietly. “I’m not going anywhere.”

It was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Sobs shook Lexa’s body and Clarke moved them until she was able to hold Lexa in her arms, kissing Lexa’s forehead and whispering reassuring words in her ear. Clarke didn’t like feeling this useless. There was nothing she wouldn’t give to mend Lexa’s broken heart, to mend the wound that fatale day had left on her soul. She would spend forever trying to mend it if Lexa would let her.

A warm leg pushed in between Clarke’s and Lexa burrowed her head into the crook of Clarke’s neck, placing a gentle kiss on the skin below her lips. “You’re the first person I’ve let touch my scars.”

“Hmm, what?” Clarke murmured Lexa’s voice too low and muffled for her to hear.

“My scars...” Lexa planted another kiss. “You’re the first person besides my doctors who has touched them.”

“They’re beautiful.” The kisses that had been brushing against Clarke’s neck stopped, making her open her eyes fully.

“Beautiful?” Lexa questioned doubtfully. “How can they be beautiful, I mean, look at them? They’re so big and…and…permanent.”

Clarke shrugged. “They’re a part of you and in my eyes? That makes them beautiful.”

Clarke moved back on top of Lexa’s naked body, moving down until she could get a better look at the scars she had spent part of her night getting familiar with. Lexa drew her bottom lip between her teeth the first time Clarke placed a kiss on the line that ran down the middle of her stomach. Their bodies were still heated from their earlier go round and both women could feel their bodies responding to the soft, exploring touch of Clarke’s mouth on Lexa’s skin.

Clarke placed her lips on the bottom of the scar, letting the tip of her tongue come out to trace it up until it ended just below Lexa’s sternum. The feeling of Clarke’s warm, wet tongue made Lexa’s breathe hitch and Clarke chuckled, but abruptly stopped when Lexa grinded her lower body against hers. That move was really unfair.

Clarke lowered her head until it rested on Lexa’s stomach and she was able to look Lexa in the eyes. “As much as I’d love to go again, I think we both need a little bit of sleep.”

“Then you should really stop doing that,” Lexa said breathlessly, moving a hand down to tangle in Clarke’s hair. Clarke was glad to see that the smile that played on Lexa’s lips reached her eyes.

“Am I getting you worked up, Doctor Woods?” Clarke teased, crawling up Lexa’s body until they were level again.

“Stop it,” Lexa whispered, before stealing a kiss from Clarke’s lips. “You’re getting my insides all tingly and they haven’t been tingly in quite some time.”

“What are you saying?” Clarke smirked, bringing her lips down until only a hairsbreadth separated them from Lexa’s.

“I’m saying,” Lexa said coyly. “You’re playing with fire, _Doctor_ Griffin.”

Lexa’s low, husky voice made Clarke tremble and she rolled off Lexa in defeat. The brunette surgeon had won that round and she knew it. They both chuckled and snuggled up nice and close, prepared to get a few hours of sleep before they had to be back at the hospital to visit Harper. Clarke’s sister had been out of the ICU for almost two days and arrangements were being made to transfer her back to Miami. It made Clarke uneasy that she had to let her sister out of her sight after what had happened, but she knew Monty and her parents would take good care of her.

“Clarke?” Lexa yawned.

“Yeah, baby?” Clarke said, waiting for Lexa’s question, but it never came. The blonde’s breathing evened out and soon Clarke’s eyelids were too heavy to keep open.  
Both were exhausted – emotionally and psychically.

The morning came too soon for both of them, but their matching smiles were the first thing they noticed when they fully opened their eyes. No one said much as they got ready to leave for the hospital – they still had so much to talk about and rushing it or putting pressure on them wasn’t going to solve anything. They settled on an unspoken agreement to just enjoy each other’s presence and relish in their memories of last night. Clarke saw Lexa standing in front of one of the large windows in the living room and she walked over and wrapped her arms around Lexa’s waist, resting her chin on the brunette’s shoulder.

“You ready to go?” Clarke asked quietly, taking in a deep breath – her senses filling with Lexa’s unique scent.

“I’m ready if you are.” Lexa turned her head and stole one last kiss before they headed for the car waiting downstairs.

Harper was sitting up when they finally got to her room. Monty was sitting by her side with Matteo in his arms. Clarke knew it was breaking her sister’s heart not being able to hold her own son, but she had to be careful of the incisions and broken ribs. She had a few cuts on her face, and some bruising but nothing that would leave permanent marks.

“May we come in?” Clarke asked from the doorway. It was the first time she had had the chance to introduce Lexa to her sister, seeing as Lexa had opted to stay away from the hospital ever since Niylah’s arrival.

“Of course,” Harper said, tilting her head to spy the woman who was standing, almost hidden, behind her sister. “You must be this Lexa I keep hearing about? Or should I call you Doctor Woods?”

“Lexa is just fine,” Lexa said sweetly, walking over to take the hand that wasn’t in a cast. “It’s good to see you sitting up and talking. You had your family quite worried.”  
Harper shook Lexa’s hand. “I know. But what’s life without a little drama?”

Monty snorted, making Harper grin. “Could you try not to create so much of it next time, honey?”

“I suppose,” Harper sighed, but readily accepted the kiss Monty leaned in to give her, “anything for my two boys.”

“Hey, what about me?” Clarke protested. “You can’t stay safe for your own sister?”

“Ehh,” Harper shrugged. “The benefits of keeping him happy are better than the ones I get from keeping you happy.”

Clarke’s eyebrow rose, the implication not lost on her. “Oh my God, Harper. You are impossible.”

There was a knock on the door and all four adults turned to see Harper’s doctor standing in the doorway. He had a chart in his hands and he was scribbling a few notes on it. Both Lexa and Clarke excused themselves, saying it was time for a coffee, in order to give Harper some privacy as the doctor checked her wounds. The hospital’s coffee wasn’t anything to write home about, but they had both had a late night and could do with the caffeine. However, the sight of Clarke’s parents standing in line for the same thing almost made them change their minds. Abby and Jake had only spoken briefly to Lexa in passing at the Hospital and Clarke did not want to introduce Lexa to her parents just yet. Not without the ability to say – this is my girlfriend.

Luck wasn’t on their side. “Clarke! Lexa! Come join us.”

They both smiled and after getting their cup they made their way to the table Jake and Abby were sitting at.

“What are you guys doing here?” Clarke asked, taking a seat next to Lexa. They were sitting close enough for their thighs to touch, but not close enough for Clarke’s parents to get suspicious.

“We thought we would come down here and grab a coffee… give Monty and Harper a chance to spend some time on their own. I know your sister is one step away from serious cabin fever,” Jake said, sipping his coffee slowly.

“She has always been a bit of a restless soul,” Abby commented dryly, before turning her attention to Lexa. “I believe my father-in-law told me that you are also a doctor?”

“Yes,” Lexa confirmed, giving Clarke’s mother a quick smile. “Pediatric surgeon, actually.”

“What is a surgeon doing in a town like Castine?” Jake asked, his confusion creating a set of deep winkles on his forehead. 

“I’m taking some time off,” Lexa said carefully, not wanting to elaborate further at the moment, “trying to figure out what hospital to start my time as an attending at.”

“I take it you’ve gotten a few offers,” Jake concluded. “Good offers?”

“I have,” Lexa admitted, “and yes, they’re all pretty great.” 

Clarke froze slightly besides her. This was something they hadn’t really talked about and to be honest it wasn’t something Clarke had given a lot of thought since she met Lexa. But now it made her heart drop. Of course this amazing woman was sought after, why wouldn’t she be? And in the back of her mind Clarke could hear a small alarm bell go off. The chances of Seattle Grace – Mercy West being on the brunette surgeon’s list of possibilities were slim to none.

“Do you have a favorite yet?” Abby asked, without knowing the can of worms she was opening in her daughter’s mind.

Lexa didn’t get a chance to reply, before another person sat down in an empty chair besides Clarke. This time it was Lexa who froze, and whose blood ran cold. Clarke’s eyes widened in panic and she looked at Lexa who was quick to avert her eyes.

Clarke couldn’t think of a single moment in her life that had been more awkward than the one she was currently in.

“You didn’t come back last night?” Niylah questioned softly, taking Clarke’s left hand in hers. “Are you okay?”

Clarke didn’t know what to say. Her mind wasn’t functioning.

Niylah took a deep breath, and gave Jake and Abby a shy smile, before she fished something out of her pocket. “Look, I know this isn’t Paris or the Eiffel Tower like the last time, but a woman’s got to work with what she’s got, and I’m done thinking, Clarke. I love you and I’m not going to be the one who holds you back from an opportunity as amazing as Seattle. I want you, and I want us. If that leads us to Seattle then so be it. I’m sure people on the west coast need architects as well.”

Niylah chuckled and Clarke felt faint. The blood was rushing in her ears and she was starting to see black spots. This wasn’t happening. Not with Lexa sitting right beside her.

She had to get out.

“I believe this is yours.” Clarke felt the cool metal of her engagement ring being slid back in place. She had never felt more claustrophobic in her entire life, and the love shining from Niylah’s eyes broke her heart into a million pieces.

What had she _done_?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, don't hate me lol


	11. Chapter 11

She had been sitting in the same chair for hours, looking out the same window. People were bustling around her, going about their daily lives as if the world hadn’t stopped turning, as if her world hadn’t just been tipped on its axis – again. Her watch told her that it had been exactly ten hours and seventeen minutes since her heart had been torn out of her chest and crushed under the weight of Clarke’s engagement ring. She had fought, and prayed for a way to get that image out of her head, but it seemed permanently burned into her mind.

She wasn’t bailing – that’s what she kept telling herself. She was doing this for Clarke.

Clarke deserved everything, and Niylah was ready to give that to her – unlike Lexa who was still trying to mend the pieces of her soul and become whole again. But without Clarke – she didn’t see a way for that to happen. This amazing woman had somehow become directly linked to her happiness and now that she would have to face a future without the stunning blonde – she felt familiarly numb.

She turned her phone in her hands. Twenty missed calls and several unread texts. Most of them were from Clarke and the rest were from numbers she didn’t recognize, but she was fairly certain that they belonged to Maya and Wells.

“No ring, huh?”

The voice pulled Lexa from her thoughts and she turned her head to look at the older lady sitting in the seat next to her. She hadn’t even noticed anyone sitting down.

“I’m sorry?”

“Your finger,” the lady said, pointing to Lexa’s left hand. “No ring.”

Lexa looked down at her hand, studying her naked ring finger.

“Oh, no… I’m… I’m not married,” she explained.

Lexa saw the pleased smile that flashed across the lady’s face although she was sure she wasn’t supposed to. She gave the lady a small smile and turned her focus back on her phone, wanting to be left alone. She wasn’t in the mood for company or in the mood to talk to anyone. She had briefly considered calling Anya to let her know what had happened, but the mere thought of having to explain how she was feeling was enough to keep her from dialing Anya’s familiar number.

“It’s a shame really,” the older lady continued unfazed, “someone as pretty as you should be married.”

“Umm, thank you,” Lexa said politely, lifting her eyes from her phone. “That’s nice of you to say.”

“Just telling you the truth, dear.” The lady held her hand out to Lexa. “I’m Ruth Clements.”

“Nice to meet you, ma’am.” She took Ruth’s hand. “I’m Lexa Woods.”

“Lexa. Is that short for something?” Ruth asked, her smile widening.

“Alexandria.”

A moment of silence passed between them before Ruth dropped the information she had been dying to get out since she saw the lack of wedding ring.

“You know, I have a son about your age,” she said casually. “He’s a lawyer.”

“That’s nice,” Lexa said, now more desperate than ever to get out of this conversation.

“He’s not married either,” she stated, once again glancing at Lexa’s naked left hand.

“Oh, umm…” Lexa stumbled. Her love life was the last thing she wanted to discuss with a total stranger, especially one who was trying to set her up with her son. She didn’t have the energy to deal with that one.

“Oh, no, no,” Ruth backtracked. “I didn’t mean to imply anything. You probably have a boyfriend waiting for you back home.”

“Actually, I don’t… I’m… ” Lexa managed to get out before Ruth interrupted her.

“I could give you his number then,” she said quickly, already searching through her bag for a pen and paper. “Let me just…”

Lexa sighed, and even through her exhaustion she managed to muster up a smile, before gently placing a hand on the woman’s forearm. “Ma’am, I’m gay. I don’t have a husband or a boyfriend because I’m gay.”

“Oh, so you like women?”

“Yes,” Lexa said, unable to keep from chuckling.

Ruth stopped rummaging through her bag, but she looked far from apologetic about her attempt at setting her up with her son, and only a heartbeat later she was at it again - this time with a new offer.

“My niece is gay, you know? Maria is a journalist. I think you’d like her. In fact why don’t you let me give you her number…She is single as well.”

Inwardly, Lexa whimpered, leaning back in her seat as Ruth continued to tell her all about her niece. Eventually, the older lady’s voice became a blur of vague background noises and occasionally Lexa found herself mumbling a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ for appearances sake, while praying silently for her flight to be called. Luckily, it wasn’t long before Ruth’s flight number was called and Lexa was once again left to her thoughts.

She closed her eyes and tried to ignore the buzzing in her pocket. She should really just turn the phone off.

“The flight for Portland, Maine is now boarding at gate 7.” The speakers sounded through the waiting lounge and Lexa’s head turned to look down the hall that led to her gate. She took a firm grip on her bag and stood up. The emotions running through her weighed down on her chest and she was finding it hard to breath – let alone move.

She felt someone grab her arm, stopping her from moving anywhere. “Do you want to know why I’m holding a ticket to Poughkeepsie, Woods?”

Lexa gasped and turned around, coming face to face with a very angry looking Wells. “Apparently, I am going to Poughkeepsie, because that is the only goddamn flight that was available with such short notice. So you are going to riddle me why I had to spend good money on a plane ticket that I am not going to need and why I’ve spend the last six hours looking all over Boston _for you_.”

“Wells,” Lexa sighed, hoisting her bag more securely onto her shoulder. She was emotionally drained and the anger radiating from Wells’ body was close to reducing her to tears. She hadn’t thought it was possible to cry anymore than she already had, but she had a feeling she was about to be proved wrong.

“No, don’t _Wells_ me, Lexa.” His face was close to hers and his voice was lowered just enough for their conversation to remain private even if the fuming man and the heartbroken woman pulled their share of stares. “She’s my best friend – _best friend_! And she’s sitting in a hotel room crying her eyes out because of you! You don’t get to do that to her! I thought she meant something to you?”

“She does,” Lexa protested strongly. “How dare you try and judge me? You don’t know me, Wells! You don’t know the first thing about my relationship with her and if you did then you would know I’m doing this for Clarke…. I only want what’s best for her. So no, you don’t get to come here and accuse me of being the bad guy. I love her, Wells! I _love_ , Clarke.”

Wells closed his eyes and shook his head. “If this is your way of showing love, Lexa then I feel bad for whoever you end up with.”

He chuckled –his tone low and lifeless. It made Lexa’s jaw clench. “She deserves better than you.”

Wells’ words hit her like a punch in the gut, knocking the wind out of her. It wasn’t something she hadn’t told herself a million times before, but hearing someone else say it out loud was nauseating. It meant that other people saw it too. She thought she was on the right track – that loving Clarke was pulling her out of the depths of despair, but maybe, just maybe, she had been pulling Clarke down instead of the other way around.

A tear betrayed Lexa and rolled down her cheek, but she was quick to wipe it away. “You don’t think I know that? You don’t think that I know that our relationship is some kind of joke? Why do you think I left? Do you think this is easy for me? Do you think I want to get on that plane?”

“Love is not a joke, Lexa!” Wells cut her off. “You’re bailing! You get that, right? You’re scared of fighting for what you really want, so now you’re running like some discouraged puppy. You need to grow the hell up before Clarke gives up on you – before everyone gives up on you.”

She wasn’t going to cry in front of Wells, she wasn’t about to give him that kind of satisfaction, but his words rained down on her like unstoppable punches, and she felt herself crumbling one blow at a time.

Wells let go of her arm. “If you get on that plane… if you leave her now… you two are over, Lexa. I really don’t think Clarke will care about any explanations about how you did it for all the right reasons.”

Lexa’s lower lip trembled and her voice shook. “You said it… She deserves better than this…How can I give her what she wants?”

Wells crossed his arms. “Because _you_ are what she wants. Don’t you see? None of the rest of it matters… She loves you and you love her. It doesn’t get simpler than that.”

“She loves me?” Lexa asked meekly.

Wells chuckled. “Well, I don’t think she likes you very much right now.”

The look in Lexa’s eyes told Wells that it wasn’t the right time to joke, and he quickly amended his statement. “Lexa, you know that she loves you. There’s no point in me telling you this. The way she looks at you? The way she is constantly making sure that you’re near her? That’s a special kind of love. Don’t deny yourself something as wonderful as that… I may not know a lot about love, but I’m telling you…as her best friend… you don’t want to miss out on her.”

Lexa let her bag drop to the floor and sat back down in her seat, running her fingers through her hair. She felt a hand on her back and she heard Wells sit down next to her. She couldn’t keep the images of this morning out of her head. How could she have been so stupid?

***

_“I believe this is yours,” Niylah said, sliding a beautiful diamond ring on Clarke’s finger._

_Lexa’s head was spinning. The walls were closing in on her and her heart was hammering away in her chest. This wasn’t happening. Clarke’s fiancée was not proposing and there was no ring on Clarke’s finger. After everything that happened between them last night she couldn’t come up with one single reason as to why fate would be this cruel. She watched Clarke’s father smile and wrap an arm around Abby’s shoulders, tugging her to his side. Both looked happy for Clarke._

_“N…N… Niylah…whyyy?” Clarke stammered with her mouth open and eyes wide. “Y-You want to go? To Seattle? With me?”_

_Niylah laughed, a sound that made Lexa’s stomach turn, before gathering both of Clarke’s hands in hers, bringing them up to her lips. “Yes, with you, silly. You’re my girl…I love you. I don’t even know why it took me this long to come to this conclusion.”_

_Every word that left Niylah’s lips were like another drop in an already overflowing cup, and Lexa didn’t know how much longer she could keep her tears at bay._

_“You and I,” Niylah sighed happily, looking into Clarke’s eyes, “are going to Seattle together.”_

_Niylah’s words hit her like a ton of bricks, crushing every single dream she had envisioned of a future with Clarke. How could she compete with what Niylah was offering her? As much as she didn’t like to admit it, it was clear to see how much Niylah loved Clarke. It wasn’t a second choice kind of love- Niylah was choosing Clarke and Seattle, because she saw the potential to find her happily ever after with the stunning blonde – much like Lexa had._

_“Niylah…I…” Clarke sighed, looking down at the ring on her finger._

_“Congratulations, sweetheart,” Jake said, walking around the table to kiss Clarke on her cheek, before offering both her and Niylah a hug._

_“Good thing I never cancelled the Plaza,” Abby said happily, rummaging through her bag until she found an old planner filled with notes sticking up from its worn pages. “ July 18th is still ours, and I think we have time to get the invitations out on time. I’ll make sure to add Lexa to the guest list. I’m thinking you want to bring your new friend, right, Clarke?”_

_“Mom,” Clarke said, but Lexa didn’t hear her._

_Her heart was in the bottom of her stomach, and if she didn’t get away from this horrible situation as quickly as possible she wouldn’t be able to stop her coffee from finding its way back up. She pushed her chair back and its feet scraped against the floor, catching everyone’s attention. Niylah still had her hands clasped with Clarke’s, and Lexa swallowed heavily. Her eyes met Clarke’s and both women’s eyes glazed over, a thin film keeping their tears at bay._

_“I’m really happy for you, Clarke,” Lexa said, her voice Oscar-worthy. It didn’t tremble and to anyone else she sounded genuine, but Clarke knew better. Lexa was breaking right before her very eyes and there was nothing short of throwing the ring back at Niylah that would stop her from crumbling at the moment. “I promised my Dad that I would give him an update on things, so I’ll go do that. This is more of a family moment anyway.”_

_“Lexa,” Clarke said, her eyes widening with each backwards step Lexa took. “Don’t…”_

_Lexa gave Clarke one last smile. It was full of defeat, heartbreak and love. A love she never got a chance to truly experience in its freest form. Maybe in another lifetime there would be a place for them –a place where they would be lucky enough to meet without car crashes and fiancées._

_She turned on her heels and fled the cafeteria. She walked aimlessly through the hospital’s long hallways, blindly searching for a way out – a way out in every single way._

_She wanted out of this hospital, she wanted out of Boston and she wanted out of this heartbreaking situation she had put herself in. Clarke had made her want to fight for her love, but she had never felt less worthy of someone’s love than she did right that second. Niylah could offer her everything. She had proposed in Paris, she had no emotional baggage and she wanted to go to Seattle. How was someone supposed to compete with that?_

_She pushed the doors that led to Boston’s busy street open, not noticing the woman she passed on her way through it._

_“Lexa!” She heard Maya’s voice call out to her, but she didn’t stop._

_She ran across the street, her tears flowing freely and though her leg burned at her speed she couldn’t slow down. She was drowning and she feared that if she didn’t run fast enough, the emotional tidal wave would catch her and crush her before she got to the safety of her own hotel room. She needed to find a place where she could break down - fast._

_“Lexa, slow down!” Maya yelled, running after the brunette as fast as her heels would carry her. “Lexa, stop! Come on, just stop and tell me what happened!”_

_Little did it help – Lexa didn’t look back once. She didn’t notice the stares or angry yells she got while navigating through the masses of Boston’s crowded streets. People blended together in an inseparable blur and the tears streaming down her cheeks almost blinded her. Boston’s loud city noises drowned out Maya’s voice and it wasn’t until she felt a strong hand grab her upper arm that she came to a halt. People were looking, but she couldn’t stop crying and Maya’s eyes became wide when she got a good look at her face._

_“Lexa,” Maya sighed, pulling the taller brunette into a warm embrace, wrapping her arms protectively around the younger woman. “It’s going to be okay. Is there anything I can do for you?”_

_Lexa shook her head, taking a step back, wiping the tears away with the back of her hand. “No, it’s okay. I just need some fresh air.”_

_Maya sighed, placing a hand on Lexa’s shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Someone who looks as heartbroken as you needs more than a little fresh air. Did something happen with Niylah? Did she say something to you?”_

_“Say something to me?” Lexa snickered. “What could she possibly say to me? She has no idea that I slept with Clarke. None whatsoever.”_

_“You slept with Clarke?” Maya said her mouth dropping. Lexa instantly knew that she had revealed more than she had intended to, but she couldn’t take it back now – it was out there. She felt bad that she had ruined any chances of keeping last night between her and Clarke. Maya would always know that something had happened between them. “When?”_

_Lexa ran a hand through her hair, before crossing her arms. “Last night.”_

_“Last night?” Maya all but shrieked. ”Why are you crying then? Shouldn’t you be happy? This is what you want, right?”_

_“What I want doesn’t really matter anymore,” Lexa said quietly, looking down at the pavement beneath their feet. “Niylah proposed to Clarke this morning - right in front of me and her parents.”_

_“Oh.” Lexa could tell Maya looked genuinely sorry for the situation she and Clarke were dealing with. It warmed her heart to think that in all this mess Maya had become their Switzerland, always the more neutral participant, never judging her or Clarke for trying to figure out what was happening between them – a lesser friend would have bitten her head off without giving it a second thought. “Did…umm…did Clarke say yes?”_

_“Clarke didn’t say anything really,” Lexa admitted, feeling more defeated than ever. She didn’t know what she had expected, but then again, she had never in her wildest nightmares pictured something like that happening. “She just sat there, while her mother started talking about their wedding date, and their guest list, which she wanted to add me to, by the way.”_

_Maya had the good grace to look horrified at that. Lexa knew that Abby had only meant well, but given their current situation, she couldn’t think of a single more horrifying thing to do than sit and watch Clarke walk down the aisle, only to meet Niylah at the end._

_“Niylah wants to go to Seattle with her, Maya. She wants to marry her and play house, and do everything I can’t do right now. I can’t be the one keeping Clarke from living her life,” Lexa said, trying to give voice to some of her reasons for fleeing. “Clarke deserves that and as much as I hate to admit it, it’s clear that Niylah really loves Clarke. I know you told me, but being here, seeing it with my own eyes. I don’t know what to do, Maya. I feel so lost. But you know what the worst part is?”_

_“What?” Maya asked her voice was low and shaking, her own eyes brimming with tears._

_“I feel like what happened this morning is tainted – like it was wrong. I don’t want it to be wrong, Maya,” Lexa was aware that she sounded pleading, but she needed someone to tell her that what she shared with Clarke last night wasn’t a mistake. She didn’t have it in her to survive being Clarke’s mistake._

_Maya smiled and nodded. She placed a hand under Lexa’s chin and lifted her head slowly, until her eyes met hers. “I’ve known Clarke for a long time and I have no doubt in my mind that she doesn’t think of last night as a mistake. She wouldn’t do that to you, and she wouldn’t do that to Niylah. She isn’t someone who plays with people’s emotions. She’s in this as much as you are – you just have to give her time to figure out a way to tell Niylah. As much as I know you don’t want to hear it, but Clarke cares about her and she’s probably trying to come up with a way to tell her that won’t break her heart.”_

_“But where do we go from there? Clarke is still going to Seattle and I have no idea where I’m going come January,” Lexa questioned. Her mind was throwing her back and forth, one minute desperate to have Clarke chase her and confess her love for her, and the next minute she was panicking and the world felt severely lacking in the oxygen department._

_“If it’s the job thing that worries you I can fix that,” Maya promised. “I’d be more than happy to write you a thousand recommendations and I’m sure Wells will do the same, getting a job in Seattle won’t be a problem. You say the word and I’ll be on the phone with the chief in an instant.”_

_Lexa didn’t know what to say. Everything was one big mess and no matter who offered to try and help her solve her problems she was having a hard time getting past the look on Niylah’s face when she got to slide the ring back onto Clarke’s finger. She had looked so happy, and so full of hope. She had looked much like Lexa had felt that morning, but now she didn’t even know how to start fixing the mess she had made. She had no idea how to do that._

_“Look,” Maya quickly added, when Lexa kept quiet. “I’ll go to the hospital and see what’s happening, just don’t go anywhere, okay? Please, just don’t leave.”_

_Lexa offered a tiny smile, but said nothing. She couldn’t promise Maya anything. Her flight instinct was screaming at her, and she knew that one small thing would be able to push her over the edge. Maya turned around and sat course towards the hospital and when she was out of sight, Lexa started walking in the direction she was originally headed. She was going back to her hotel – for what she didn’t know - to stay and wait it out, or to gather her things and be on the first flight out of Boston? Everything was still a very real possibility._

_She kept her head down and walked the rest of the way to the hotel, doing her best to avoid eye contact with the people passing by. Her eyes were red and puffy, and she didn’t stand a fighting chance at keeping her emotions at bay, but when she reached her hotel room and saw traces of last night, she crumbled. She slid down the wall and buried her head in her hands, her shoulders shaking as sobs shook her body. Lexa had been so sure last night that they were doing the right thing – that she and Clarke could work it out, but now she didn’t know what she had been thinking._

_Her feelings for Clarke ran deep – a lot deeper than she had ever counted on. It wasn’t until that moment that she fully understood how painful it could be to let someone go, even if it was for her own good._

_Letting Clarke go would be the hardest thing she had ever done and the list of hardship in her life was steadily getting longer._

_A loud knock startled her out of her thoughts. She could easily hear that it was her door that someone was pounding on, but she hoped that if she stayed quiet enough, whoever it was would go away. The seconds passed, but the knocking only got louder and with an annoyed sigh Lexa relented and walked over to open the door._

_What she hadn’t counted on was a steaming mad blonde pushing her way into her suit._

_“How in the world could you leave me there?” Clarke all but screamed when Lexa closed the door, shutting out the outside world. Once again they found themselves within the safety of that beautiful pink bubble where all that mattered was them. It was a dangerous place to be. “You ran, Lexa. You left me stranded with my parents and Niylah without giving me a goddamn chance at explaining anything.”_

_“What’s there to explain?” Lexa said quietly. “You got what you wanted, right? Niylah said yes and the wedding is back on.”_

_Clarke looked like she had been slapped. “Is that what you think? Can you honestly stand there and tell me that after last night you still think I want to be with Niylah?”_

_“What am I supposed to think?” Lexa said, her voice getting louder with each word. “You didn’t exactly stop her? I was sitting right behind you and I had to watch your fiancée propose to you, and not only that… your mother wanted to add me to the fucking guest list. Do you have any idea how horrible that made me feel?”_

_“You should have stayed Lexa!” Clarke screamed, her arms moving through the air in a wild gesture. “You should have trusted me enough to do the right thing. You didn’t think I was shocked? The last time I talked to Niylah she wanted nothing to do with Seattle and she’s shit scared of my Dad, but today she actually proposed to me in front of him? There’s more than one person in this mess, Lexa.”_

_“I know!” Lexa yelled. “Don’t think that I’ve forgotten for a second that you and I aren’t the only people involved. I’m more than aware that Niylah’s in the picture, too. But you aren’t doing a lot to fix that, are you?”_

_Lexa knew she was being unfair, but there was no stopping the words coming out of her mouth. All the hurt and anger she felt came flying straight toward the only person who could ever come close to understanding how torn she felt. She wanted Clarke more than anything, but she also wanted what was best for Clarke and her mind kept playing devilish tricks with her._

_What if she wasn’t enough? What if Clarke was better off without her?_

_“My sister is in the hospital, Lexa!” Clarke said incredulously. “I’m trying here, I really am, but you have to just… you have to give me a minute to breathe. Everything is happening so fast and I’m trying to figure out how to fix all of this without breaking someone’s heart.”_

_“So it is okay to break my heart, but not Niylah’s?” Lexa questioned._

_Clarke took a few steps towards Lexa, getting dangerously close. “You don’t think we broke Niylah’s heart last night? You don’t think I knew full well what I was doing when I knocked on your door? I chose you, Lexa. I thought you knew that. I thought you knew that I would never be able to be with you and then have to live without you again?”_

_“Then why are you still wearing your ring?” It had been one of the first things Lexa had noticed when Clarke had stormed through the door, and it turned her stomach. She really couldn’t stand the sight of that ring. “If you want to be with me that badly then why are you still wearing your fucking engagement ring?”_

_“I can’t win with you, can I?” Clarke shook her head, looking down at the diamond perched on her finger. “I’m still wearing the “fucking ring” because I haven’t gotten a chance to take it off yet. You ran off and left me with a whole lot of explaining to do and then suddenly Maya storms through the doors, telling me that you need me and I left without getting the chance to truly explain anything to anyone.”_

_“So, in Niylah’s mind you two are still getting married?” Lexa asked, crossing her arms. “Great, that’s just great.”_

_Clarke bit her lip and closed her eyes. Her whole body was simmering with anger. She pulled off the engagement ring and threw it at the carpeted floor beneath their feet._

_Lexa watched as it bounced, before landing directly in front of her._

_“Are you happy?” Clarke asked. “I’m not marrying her.”_

_Lexa sighed. “Maybe, you should marry her, Clarke. How are you and I going to work out in the long run? Maybe what we had was just a fling that has run its course and we got in a little too deep and everything became a little more complicated than we ever intended.”_

_“Wait, what?” Clarke said, not believing the words that were coming out of the brunette’s mouth. “You did not just say what I think you said.”_

_“Be reasonable, Clarke.” Lexa said, all the anger slowly fading away. “She loves you and she can give you everything I can’t. Last night was wonderful, but I think that’s all we can ever be.”_

_It was the biggest lie Lexa had ever told anyone, but she reminded herself that she was doing it for Clarke’s sake. Lexa wanted Clarke to have everything and she stood a better shot at that with Niylah than she ever would with her._

_She wished so badly that she could be that person for Clarke, but right now she didn’t know if she could be that person for anyone. She felt too broken. What happened this morning had in some way taken away and undone all the things her friendship with Clarke had mended._

_Clarke removed the last inches of space between them. “If you think for a second you can just pat me on the head and send me away you have another thing coming. You don’t scare me, Lexa. You don’t get to push me away, because you’re scared of what’s happening. You don’t think I know how you work? When things get hard – you bail. That’s your thing, but last night you sort of promised me that we were in this thing together and that’s what I want. You and I together – so for the love of God, would you just try not to freak out every time something happens that isn’t within your control?"_

_“Clarke…” Lexa mumbled, casting her eyes downwards._

_“No, just, no,” Clarke said, walking backwards until she reached the door. “If me breaking up with Niylah is what it takes to really convince you that I’m in this then that’s what I’ll do.”_

_“Clarke,” Lexa said, and looked up when she heard Clarke push down the door handle._

_“You stay here,” Clarke said. “I swear to God, Lexa that if I come back and you aren’t here. I’ll never talk to you again.”_

_The door closed with a resounding bang, leaving Lexa alone with a lot of thoughts running wild in her head. Over thinking was never good._

***

Another call for her flight sounded through the speakers, and Lexa started crying. She felt lost and confused, and more than anything she wanted Nyko back. She wanted her brother to come help her out, to come tell her what to do. Wells wrapped his arms a little tighter around her and pulled her into his side.

“Come on, Woods, don’t’ cry,” Wells said quietly, smiling at an older lady who walked past them with a worried look on her face. “Everything’s going to be alright.”

“She’s never going to forgive me,” Lexa cried. “She said it, you said it.”

“Clarke has a big heart,” Wells tried to reassure her. “She was probably just scared like you. But you have to go talk to her.”

“I don’t think I can,” Lexa admitted. How would Clarke ever be able to forgive her for not sticking by her side, for not fighting this important battle with her? Instead she had only added to the hardship by running.

Wells looked over his shoulder, nodding at someone. “I don’t think you have much of a choice.”

“What do you mean?” Lexa asked, pulling away from Wells.

Wells pointed in the direction he had been looking, and Lexa felt the earth stop moving. Everything just stopped. The only thing she saw were two soulful blue eyes heading towards her, a mix of relief and anger washing over the stunning blonde’s face.

“Clarke’s here.” Wells and Lexa said in unison.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For someone who doesn't even really like to read angst I sure wrote a lot of it back in the day lol hang in there for one more chapter - this ride abroad the angst train is almost over. I promise =)


	12. Chapter 12

_Boston’s cold weather did nothing to calm the steaming blonde. Her cheeks were red hot and thoughts were flying around in her head, one more untamed and wild than the other. How her life had come to this, she had no idea. One minute she had been happy, and on her road to getting married, but then Seattle happened, followed by Maine – where the biggest, life altering, event had taken place. Lexa. The brunette hadn’t strayed from her thoughts for more than mere minutes since the first time she’d met her, and now, storming back to the Hospital to call of an engagement that was over months ago, she felt her emotions blend into an unrecognizable mass._

_Her shoulder bumped against another person’s, but she didn’t stop to offer an apology. She was blinded by the rage and love she felt for Lexa. Last night played in front of her eyes like an old movie, showing grainy snippets of the passion they had shared. She could still taste the brunette’s skin, and feel Lexa’s soft body in her hands. It made her fingers curl into fists, trying to scratch the itch that only Lexa would ever be able to fulfill._

_She hadn’t thought twice about throwing the ring at Lexa’s feet. What blew her mind was that the brunette actually thought that she would even consider marrying Niylah after what had happened between them during the wee hours of the morning. Her heart clenched at the thought that Lexa doubted her commitment to them, when she had basically promised Lexa everything._

_Thing were complicated, and she knew that. From the moment she saw that blinding smile and those sparkling green eyes, she knew things were bound to be. But they had fought so hard to do the right thing, and no matter how wrong their night was in the eyes of everyone else – she couldn’t find it in her heart to call it a mistake.  
She and Lexa wasn’t a mistake. They were inevitable._

_She pushed the doors to the Hospital open; brazing herself for the drama she knew awaited her. There was no way around this. Hearts were never meant bend, it wasn’t within their nature to do so, they were only ever meant to break. Clarke’s heart clenched at the thought that she was about to make collateral damage of Niylah’s and cause a kind of hurt that Clarke had never imagined she would be able to cause another human being, least of all someone she cared about._

_From a distance she could see her dad and mom pace the hallway in front of the cafeteria, with Niylah and Maya leaning against the wall. She knew her exit had been abrupt, and had left a lot of questions unanswered. She bit her lower lip and her eye fell to the floor, as her feet carried her towards the firing squad. No one would be happy about the decisions she had made, but she could at least count on Maya to understand._

_“Clarke!” Her dad was the first to notice her, and she looked up, giving him a tight lipped smile, before turning her attention to Niylah, who had now pushed herself off the wall, but was standing unnervingly still, not backing away from Clarke, but not rushing towards her either._

_“Where have you been, sweetheart?” Abby asked her voice laced with worry. She grabbed hold of Clarke’s forearm, but Clarke gently removed it, patting her mother’s hand before letting it go._

_“Not now,” Clarkee whispered softly. “I’ll explain everything in a little while.”_

_“Explain what exactly?” It was the first time since her arrival in Boston that Niylah’s voice held a bit of bite to it, and her eyes were turning harder by the second._

_Maya and Clarke shared a look, one that didn’t go unnoticed by Niylah who crossed her arms. Maya walked over and placed a hand on Jake’ shoulder, suggesting to him and Clarke’s mother that they should go see how Harper was doing. Jake looked apprehensive at first, but when he caught the pleading look on Clarke’s face – he relented._

_The two women watched the rest of the group walk away, leaving them in awkwardness previously unknown between them. They waited, and waited, watching the backs of Clarke’s loved ones get smaller, until their excuse disappeared around a corner._

_“Do you want to get a cup of coffee?” Clarke offered, not knowing what to do or say to make things better – to make things easier._

_Niylah took a moment to think about it, but in the end nodded. “Coffee would be nice.”_

_The silence between left them both wary of each other’s presence. Clarke had no idea what Niylah knew, but she was aware that by now there was no way Niylah couldn’t know that something was wrong, and whatever was causing Clarke’s erratic behavior, it was something which outcome would affect her in the end. Clarke bought them their coffee and led Niylah to a secluded table, moving them away from prying eyes and fine-tuned ears._

_“It’s a little hot,” Clarke murmured, before pressing her tongue against the roof of her mouth to sooth the burn._

_Niylah didn’t say anything; she only lowered her own cup from her lips and stirred the cream in her coffee._

_“I’ve always really hated when something burns your tongue… that feeling it leaves behind… it’s…”Clarke was rambling and both she and Niylah knew it. However, neither knew how to stop her. Words kept spilling from her lips, but it wasn’t the words she needed to say and it wasn’t the words Niylah needed to hear. It wasn’t until a rebellious tear slid from Clarke’s eye that Niylah sighed and placed her hand on top of Clarke’s._

_“You need to tell me what’s happening,” Niylah said, doing her best to offer Clarke an encouraging smile, but it fell just short and came off as nervous and sad. “You only ramble when something is wrong, and I’m two seconds away from having a heart attack here, Clarke…You need to tell me what’s wrong.”_

_Clarke closed her eyes for a second, trying to suppress more tears from escaping her, but she could feel her eyelashes getting wet._

_“Was it something I said?” Niylah tried again, tightening her grip on Clarke’s hands. “I know it probably wasn’t my brightest moment blurting out our private affairs in front of your parents and your new friend, but I thought you could use some good news.”_

_This time Clarke couldn’t hold back the tiny sob that shook her shoulders. “It isn’t you.”_

_“Then what is it?” Niylah asked, moving her chair closer to Clarke’s. “Whatever it is we can fix it. I promise.”_

_“That’s just it,” Clarke said, opening her eyes to finally look at Niylah. “We can’t fix this. There’s…. there’s…no ‘we’ anymore, Niylah.”_

_Niylah frowned. “What do you mean? Sweetie, I just said I’d move to Seattle with you. You don’t have to worry, okay? I’ll get a job there and…”_

_“No, no…” Clarke interrupted her, taking in a deep breath, while covering the hand that rest on top of her own with her free one. “There’s no ‘we’… because I don’t want there to be a ‘we’. We both needed time to think about what we wanted from the future and I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, too, Niylah. I just don’t see this working out in the long run… not anymore.”_

_“You don’t see us working out?” Niylah sounded beyond incredulous. “You are joking, right? This is some kind of sick joke…Some stupid prank Wells thought would be funny… well you can tell him to come out now, because this is not funny… in fact I’m getting close to being downright furious.”_

_When Clarke didn’t say anything Niylah removed her hands from Clarke’s and crossed her arms. “You need to say something right fucking now, Clarke, before I say something I’m seriously going to regret.”_

_“I’m not joking,” Clarke said, trying to keep her tone as even as possible. This would end in disaster if both of them lost their cool. “There’s someone else.”_

_“You’re cheating on me?” Niylah almost screamed the words at Clarke and she quickly grabbed the furious woman’s arm and dragged her outside into the courtyard connected to the cafeteria, where Niylah ripped her arm free of Clarke’s hand._

_“I’m not cheating on you,” Clarke said. “You and I both knew we were on a break.”_

_“So that makes it okay to go out and screw other people?” Niylah said, throwing her hands in the air in wild and angry gestures as she spoke. Clarke knew this meant that she was one step from getting a lot of angry words thrown in her direction. “Is that’s what you’ve been doing the whole time you’ve been away? Screwing whatever redneck came within ten feet of you?”_

_“Lexa is no redneck!” Clarke protested loudly, but instantly regretted mentioning the brunette’s name when Niylah’s arms stopped moving and her mouth dropped open._

_“Her?” Niylah said, her eyebrows rising. “You’re screwing the doctor chick? The one who’s not left your side for more than five minutes since you got here.”_

_“Look, Niylah,” Clarke said, counting to ten in her head. “I never planned for any of this to happen, okay? I didn’t plan for us to take a break, I didn’t plan for me to meet Lexa and I certainly never planned on falling in love with her, but it happened, okay? It happened. And you have no idea how sorry…”_

_“You’re sorry?!” Niylah screamed. “You’re sorry? Do you think that’s fucking good enough? Do you think you can just tell me ‘sorry, babe, but I’m moving on and shagging up with Maine, hope you don’t mind?’ Do you honestly think I could ever be okay with that?”_

_“You didn’t want to go!” Clarke pointed out angrily, her voice involuntarily rising in volume. “You and I were headed in different directions…”_

_“I said I needed time to think,” Niylah said, tears starting to run down her cheeks. “I needed time to be sure that I could move away from my family that you and I were enough…”_

_“Niylah, that isn’t the sort of thing you should have to think about. What you and I had was great, but what Lexa and I have has the potential to be amazing. I know the difference now and I didn’t before.” Seeing the tears in Niylah’s eyes, started to pull heavily on her own and a few escaped. “I’m so sorry… so sorry.”_

_“I proposed to you… I gave you a ring…” At the mention of the ring, which lay forgotten on the floor of Lexa’s hotel room, Clarke quickly covered her naked hand. “Your Mom still has our wedding day booked for God’s sake.”_

_“I’m sorry,” Clarke repeated, knowing her words probably meant very little to Niylah at the moment, but they were the only things she had to offer her. “I wish it didn’t have to end like this. I honestly never meant for things to get this far, before I had a chance to talk to you.”_

_Clarke didn’t want to try and justify her actions, because that would mean that she regretted her time with Lexa and she could never do that. She could only be sorry for causing Niylah so much hurt. It was the very thing she had tried to avoid from the beginning, but she knew better than anymore than life has the ability to change in an instant, to turn on a dime and what had transpired between her and the brunette surgeon was one of those life-changing moments._

_Their life has turned on a dime. She only felt bad that they had flipped a few other people’s coins in the process._

_Clarke took a hesitant step towards Niylah, but the other woman held up her hand. “Please, don’t.”_

_“Okay,” Clarke said, shoving her hands in her pockets. “Is there anything I can do for you?”_

_Niylah snickered, shaking her head. “No… You’ve done enough. Trust me.”_

_Clarke remained silent. She deserved whatever Niylah had to say. She deserved to deal with angry accusations and ice cold attitudes. Niylah was entitled to feel whatever she wanted to feel. She watched as Niylah paced in front of her for a minute or two, running her fingers through her long, silky locks, trying to force her lungs to work properly._

_“What am I going to tell my family?” Niylah said, pressing the palms of her hands against her cheek. “I called them last night before we went to bed to tell them I was going to move to Seattle with you! And you want to know what they said?... That they were happy for us! Happy! And now I have to call and tell them that you’ve suddenly decided that you don’t want me anymore? That I’m not good enough…”_

_Clarke felt her heart sinking into the bottom of her stomach, watching Niylah become increasingly distressed. “I never said you weren’t good enough… You’re more than good enough… I’m just not in lo…”_

_“In love with me anymore,” Niylah cut her off sharply. “You’ve made your point loud and clear, thank you very much.”_

_“Niylah,” Clarke sighed. No matter what she said it would never be the right thing. Deep down she knew that this was the right thing to do; staying with Niylah to spare her feelings would only cause the both of them a world of hurt down the road._

_“No, you know what? Shut up! You don’t get to talk anymore… now I get to talk,” Niylah said, stopping her pacing and stepping closer to Clarke. “I can’t believe you could do this to me. Have I not meant anything to you? Don’t I deserve better than this? You’ve humiliated me. No matter what happens from here on out I come out looking like the fool, the one people are going to pity, because you couldn’t keep your legs shut for more than five minutes…”_

_Clarke felt her blood start to boil as Niylah’s accusations rained down on her, one word a harder blow than the one before. But she took it. She stood and let Niylah scream and rant until her lungs were burning and the tears had stopped coming. She didn’t try to stop the furious woman, when she pointed a finger in her face, telling her not to call her when Lexa left her. Only when a door slammed behind her did she dare to breathe again._

_She looked around the courtyard, expecting to see dusty, grey ash and smoldering embers lying on the ground around her, but the naked trees were still standing strong and untouched in the cold weather, looking as life affirming as ever. The world hadn’t changed, yet, a part of her had. She felt like a door had been closed, but oddly enough, she didn’t feel lost or caught._

_She could see the light the newly opened window was letting into her life. She just needed to find a way to walk towards it._

_She waited until she felt the emotional storm that raged within her start to calm. She knew there was more than one person that needed to be told, and despite the fact that she felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders, she still dreaded telling her parents. There was a chance that her Dad would understand and try to see her side of things, but her Mom represented a whole other side of things. Clarke was well aware that there was a certain image to uphold and a cancelled engagement would surely come off as a dark spot on her mother’s otherwise polished image._

_Her hands felt increasingly clammy the closer she got to Harper’s floor. A thousand thoughts were swirling around in her head, trying to form themselves into some kind of explanation that would somehow make sense to everyone else, but the thing was – things barely made sense to Clarke. Her feelings for Lexa were deep and strong, but the rational part of her knew that she had just thrown away what could have been a healthy and steady relationship, for the off chance that her and Lexa’s love would flourish to its full potential and give her a chance at a true happily ever after - a fairly tale with, in her opinion, just a little bit of magic._

_She found her parents in the waiting room, talking quietly to her friends and grandfather. Maya was the first to look up when she entered the room. She looked at her expectantly and Clarke nodded slowly. A smile almost made its way onto her lips when Maya’s shoulders sagged and a pleased look appeared on her face._

_“Where’s Niylah?” Abby asked, looking at the empty doorway behind her daughter’s back._

_Clarke took a deep breath. “She’s on her way home to Miami.”_

_“Why?” This time Jake was the one who spoke up. “Is something wrong? Her family is alright, right, sweetheart?”_

_“They’re fine,” Clarke assured him, stealing a quick look at Maya and Wells. They both looked like they were heavily debating with themselves how much they wanted to be here for the conversation they knew was about to go down. “I have something I need to tell you, though. It’s kind of important.”_

_“Okay,” Jake said slowly. He reached out and tugged Clarke closer, making her take a seat on the coffee table in front of her parents. “You are not sick, are you? Because I don’t know how much more I can handle.”_

_“I’m not sick, Dad,” Clarke promised. “What I have to tell you isn’t bad. At least I don’t want it to be bad, but I’m going to need you and Mom to promise me that you won’t say anything until I’m done talking.”_

_“Anything, Clarke,” Jake promised, and Abby nodded hesitantly, looking more apprehensive than her husband._

_“I called off the wedding,” Clarke said hurriedly, and held up a hand when her mother’s mouth dropped open, no doubt, ready to protest her decision. “I know how much the two of you like Niylah and she is an amazing woman, but she isn’t the one for me. I know that must sound crazy, because we’ve been together for so long, but I’ve met someone else.”_

_This time Abby couldn’t keep her mouth shut anymore and words tumbled out. “You’ve met someone else? Are you serious, Clarke?”_

_“Yes,” Clarke sighed happily, the mere thought of Lexa lifting her mood. “She’s amazing. She’s strong, and caring. She’s everything I could ever wish for and if I don’t allow myself to pursue that…to pursue a future with her… I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive myself for that. I need to see what she and I can be. I never wanted to hurt Niylah, because that’s not who I am, but there’s something about Lexa that feels different to me. The effect she has on me is unparalleled. It is as simple as that.”_

_Abby huffed and shook her head, but Jake placed a hand on his wife’s thigh, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “Lexa… She makes you happy?”_

_“Yes, Dad,” Clarke chuckled, a relieved smile breaking free at her father’s calm tone. “She makes me very happy.”_

_“What about a weeding?” Abby asked, crossing her arms. “And grandchildren…”_

_“If, someday, Lexa and I get to that point… yeah… I’ll happily put on a big white dress and dance down the aisle.” Clarke hadn’t seriously entertained any thoughts of marriage between her and Lexa yet, it was way too soon for that, but her answer seemed to have the desired effect on her mother, who looked visibly more relaxed. ”You might want to cancel the Plaza, though.”_

_“Ha,” Abby scoffed. “Cancel the Plaza. No one cancels the Plaza. We’ll just have another party… an engagement party, maybe?”_

_“No, Mom,” Clarke said quickly, sending Maya a death glare when her friend chuckled. Her mother’s persistency had to be admired. ”None of that.”_

_“We’ll see,” Abby mused and pulled out her planner, making a few quick notes. She looked more pleased than Clarke had dared to hope for and had handled the news better than Clarke had ever imagined she would. “And grandchildren? What about those?”_

_“Enough, mom,” Clarke said, pointing in the direction of Harper’s room. “You already have Matteo.”_

_“I’m just saying a little girl would be nice,” Abby said innocently, flipping through her planner._

_Clarke shot her dad a desperate look, but he shrugged and pointed to something in Abby’s planner, causing his wife to nod in agreement. Clarke sighed and turned to her friends, who had been sitting quietly during the entire conversation, trying to stay out of the family discussion. She crossed the room and sat down in an empty seat next to Wells, who placed a hand on her shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze._

_“How did she take it?” Maya asked. “She’s not normally a hot-headed person, but I can’t imagine that conversation ending well.”_

_Clarke snickered. “It didn’t. She all but told me to never speak to her again, which is fine. I’m not sure I’d want to speak to me either if I was her, but I have other things to worry about right now.”_

_“Do you mean Harper? Clarke, your sister is going to be just fine…” Maya said, but stopped when Clarke shook her head._

_“No, I mean like Lexa problems.” Clarke explained. “She’s back at the hotel and she’s steaming mad, too. I just can’t seem to do anything right.”_

_“She’s just scared, Clarke,” Wells said, pulling both Maya and Clarke’s eyes to him. Wells was never one for emotional laden conversations, but he could have an oddly reassuring presence when he felt like it._

_“I know.” Deep down Clarke knew Wells was right, but she was bordering on emotional exhaustion._

_“Go talk to her,” Wells said, standing up and pulling Clarke to her feet simultaneously. “You won’t feel better until you do, and I have a feeling that Lexa isn’t someone you should let stew for too long, before she starts jumping to some very wrong conclusions.”_

_It didn’t take more convincing for Clarke to be on her way. She’d done everything in her power to give her and Lexa a chance at a future, or at least the opportunity to start one, despite the obstacles they would undoubtedly have to face. The only thing she hadn’t counted on was the obstacle starting so soon. The door to Lexa’s hotel suit was cracked open just an inch and the first thing Clarke noticed when she entered was the lack of stuff._

_Everything was gone._

_Her heart sank in her chest, and she searched through every room, calling Lexa’s name, but the brunette was long gone. Tears sprang to her eyes, and she felt her lungs constrict painfully. She had feared this scenario more than anything, but a part of her had never counted on it happening. She never thought Lexa would have it in her to leave after what happened between them. Not for any reason. Clearly, she had been terribly mistaken._

_She sat down on the bed, which covers were still a tangled mess and pulled her phone out of her pocket. It rang several times, until it went to voicemail, so she hung up and called again, but nothing happened. Lexa wasn’t picking up. Her frustration slowly and unexplainably morphed into a slow burning anger. Lexa’s stunt was the last thing she needed, and Clarke had to count to ten, before the urge to throw something against a wall became too powerful and her phone would end up suffering the consequences._

_She tapped in Maya’s familiar number, knowing it by heart even in her aggravated state of mind. She didn’t even wait for Maya to start speaking, before words tumbled out of her mouth, in such a mess that she hardly made any sense._

_“Clarke,” Maya exclaimed, obviously worried by the mix of English and gibberish that was being tossed her way with anger lacing every syllable. “Clarke, slow down… what’s wrong?”_

_Clarke took a deep breath, running a hand through her hair. “She’s gone.”_

_“What do you mean ‘she’s gone’?” Maya asked her voice in a matter of second become slightly grainier. “You’re on speaker. Wells’s here.”_

_“She’s gone, as in she’s gone, Maya!” Clarke said, standing up. Her feet started pacing the floor without her permission, but she couldn’t stop herself. “She up and left and I have no idea where she is. How could she do this to me? This is fucking unbelievable. I’m going to kill her… that’s what I am going to do… you guys just wait until I get my hands on her… she’s dead… dead, I tell you…. She might have survived a car accident, but she’s not going to survive this…”_

_“Clarke,” Wells sighed, but Clarke had built up enough momentum to keep going._

_“No, I’m serious… She might be pretty and that little quirky smile of hers might be unbelievably charming, but even that won’t save her this time…”_

_Both Maya and Wells huffed at that one. Lexa’s eyes were Clarke’s kryptonite._

_Maya gave it another shot at stopping the ramble that was spilling out of her speakers. “Clarke, do you have any idea where she could be? I mean, she can’t have gone that far.”_

_“If I knew where she’d be, I would already be heading there,” Clarke said, throwing her arms in the air and almost dropping her phone. “I only know that she likes to be near the water when she’s upset.”_

_“Okay, so we start there,” Wells suggested, trying to be encouraging. “I’ll go down to the harbor…and Maya will look in the parks. You just stay there in case she comes back, okay?”_

_“Stay here?” Clarke exclaimed incredulously. “Do you honestly expect me to stay here when she’s gone? I’m coming with you guys… I’ll damn well check every waterhole and puddle in this God forsaken city if I have to.”_

_“Stay,” Maya said one last time, before the line went dead._

_She found her hand on the door handle more times than she cared to admit, but in the back of her mind she knew Maya’s reasoning made sense. It would be better if she stayed in case Lexa changed her mind and came back to the hotel. She didn’t think it was a very likely option, and as the hours ticked past, her worry grew steadily. She had no idea what was going on in Lexa’s mind. In reality she could only guess, and the fact that she could be wrong – that Lexa was running, because Clarke wasn’t what she wanted – instead of a Lexa on the run who was doing it out of love for Clarke, terrified the blonde._

_When the sun disappeared on the sky and the stars came to live, her phone finally rang with good news. Wells had found her. Clarke was out the door in a matter of seconds, pleading with him to stall the fleeing brunette. The drive to the airport felt like the longest hours of her life, in fact, this day was starting to feel like the longest day of her life. Only the insane security system at the airport kept her from storming through the terminal. She had absolutely no idea where the ticket she got was heading, nor did she know its price._

***

Her mind didn’t stop turning until she laid eyes on Lexa’s figure, sitting closely beside Wells.

She watched as Lexa stood up, and from a distance Clarke could see how red and puffy her eyes were. She couldn’t feel or see anything but Lexa, and her feet drew her to her magnetically. She didn’t even notice Wells slowly backing away, giving them their space. Now that Clarke was standing in front of Lexa she had no idea what to say. 

She had had hours to think about what she would say to Lexa, but now she couldn’t even get a single word to leave her mouth.

“I’m sorry.” Lexa was the first one to speak up, and Clarke tilted her head to the side, studying Lexa in a way she never had. “I fled. I’m so sorry, Clarke.”

Clarke narrowed her eyes.

“I’ll apologize to you every day for the rest of our lives if that’s what you need, but please, say something… anything…” Lexa’s voice was thick with emotion, and her bottom lip was trembling with the effort it took to keep some sense of control.

“Why?” It was such a simple word, but it held so much power in their situation. And when it came down to it, it was the only question she wanted an answer to. She wanted to know how Lexa could even think of leaving her when they hadn’t even had the chance to properly start.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Lexa whispered meekly, her heart pounding at the thought that she would have to say the words out loud.

Clarke didn’t bite.

Lexa continued. “I just want you to be happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you and I panicked. I thought I was doing the right thing for you… the right thing for us… but now…. Clarke…”

Clarke knew Lexa was stalling, and she decided to give the blonde a gentle push. “But now?”

“I love you.”

Clarke didn’t know if it was the way the corner of her lips curled up when Lexa dared to give her a hopeful smile or the words that made her close the distance between them.

She felt Lexa’s body relax in her arms and everything around them faded away as their lips danced together. Their lips sought each other’s for the ultimate comfort over and over again. They were so lost in the moment that neither noticed the warm tears that tickled down their cheeks, a clear sign of the emotional turmoil they had had to weather to get to a point where they could hold each other and find nothing between them, but hope for a future that could potentially be theirs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, guys, we're heading towards a brighter future now lol Niylah finally knows the truth!
> 
> Hope y'all like the new chapter =)


	13. Chapter 13

The wind was blowing in her face and her nose was getting redder with each gust of wind that blew against it. She was cursing herself for offering to leave their warm bed to get coffee from the Starbucks down the street, but they had both needed a second of breathing space. The emotional turmoil that had been last night had drained her and she felt like a walking zombie, and if it weren’t for the low temperatures that haunted Boston’s streets, bringing a red blush to her face, she would have looked the part, too.

“Excuse me,” Lexa mumbled, sidestepping around two movers who were carrying a sofa out of one of the apartment buildings and into a truck.

The busy hustle of downtown Boston was nearly hidden beneath a thick fog, and people’s faces were slurred behind a white smoke that followed every spoken word. It was the kind of morning that Lexa would have enjoyed if she had been at home in Castine where the atmosphere was less hectic and the silence was the only thing that followed her. It made her wonder if she was ready to move away from home once again – if she was ready to commit herself to trying to get her life back on track. It was a tough decision and she knew she wasn’t going to find the answer overnight.

“Good morning, miss.” The doorman held open the door for Lexa and smiled politely as she walked through. Lexa did her best to return the friendly gesture, but she felt as if she features her been frozen into place. She really couldn’t wait to be back in bed where she could burrow under the covers and steal a bit of body heat from Clarke.

“One of those wouldn’t happen to be for me?” Lexa heard Maya groan and she turned to find the other brunette come walking towards her with Wells and Victor as her companions.

“Sadly not,” Lexa chuckled, clutching the two coffees in her hands a little tighter. “I’m on thin ice with Clarke as it is; I don’t think she’ll ever forgive me if I give away her coffee.”

Mostly she was joking, but partly she was not.

“I’m almost tempted to tell you that Clarke will know you did it for the right reasons, but we both know that messing with her morning coffee isn’t in anyone’s interest,” Maya admitted, looking slightly defeated while staring longingly at the cups of warm, golden, liquid Lexa held.

“I’ll buy you a cup as soon as we find a decent place to have breakfast, my dear,” Victor said, patting her arm gently, making Maya lean down to place a light kiss on the old man’s cheek.

“You’re truly invaluable,” she replied, the seriousness of her tone making all four of them chuckle. “Are you in the market for another granddaughter, because, well, I know someone who would be willing to sign some adoption papers to be able to call you their granddad.”

“You’re already my granddaughter, dear, we don’t need papers or blood to prove that,” Victor assured her, linking his arm with Maya’s, “besides, a family can never be too big. It’s always been my experiences that the more people you have to love the more love you get in return. It’s a quite wonderful thing if you ask me.”

Lexa smiled softly at his words. Ever since she had met Clarke she had quietly wondered why Victor had moved up to Maine when he seemed to get such joy out of being around his family and loved ones. Castine had its charm, that much she couldn’t deny, and it offered a sense of peace that she hadn’t found in any other places, but leaving one’s entire family behind didn’t make sense in Lexa’s mind, especially not at Victor’s age. Maybe there were more sides to Clarke’s grandfather than she had yet to discover, but that was a mystery for another day.

“Is Clarke still sleeping, dear?” Victor interrupted Lexa’s train of thoughts, “she never has been a morning person that one.”

“She was awake when I left to go get coffee, actually,” Lexa admitted, looking down at her watch, “which was quite awhile ago, so I better hurry up there before she thinks I got lost or something.”

“Will we be seeing you later?” Victor asked. 

“Yeah, I think so,” Lexa said. “We were planning on stopping by the hospital later to check in on Harper, so maybe we’ll see you there?”

“We’ll be there,” Wells commented, putting his hands on Maya’s and Victor’s shoulders, “now let’s get a move on before Lexa’s coffee gets cold and I die of starvation. You two were the ones that wanted to go out for breakfast so now let’s go, before I change my mind for the three of us.”

“Lexa, I have some things I’d like to discuss with you later.” Lexa barely heard Maya’s comment as Wells ushered them out the door, but she managed a quick nod, which she hoped the other woman noticed.

The elevator ride up to their room went by too quick for Lexa’s liking. Every touch, every look and every word replayed over and over again in her mind. It was as if the closer she got to Clarke the more emotionally overwhelmed she felt. There wasn’t anything in this world she wouldn’t give to be able to take back the last forty-eight hours of their lives; to undo the hurt she had caused, but this wasn’t fiction; this was real life, and she knew, better than most other people, that do overs only existed in video games, otherwise she would have pressed the rewind button on several occasions in her life.

She quietly opened the door to their room and just as quietly closed it behind her. Clarke was fast asleep on the middle of their bed, her hair a beautiful tangled mess on their pillows and her arms and legs sprawled out in all directions. She sat down the cups on their nightstand, before sitting down next to her sleeping girlfriend.

“Babe,” she whispered quietly, running her hand down Clarke’s exposed back. “Honey, I’m back.”

Lexa’s touch combined with her words stirred Clarke from her sleep and she slowly turned onto her side, looking at Lexa through half hooded eyes. “You’re back.”

“I’m back,” Lexa confirmed, scooting closer to the edge as Clarke sat up, leaning against the headboard. “You fell back asleep. Did you have a nice nap, babe?”

“Yeah.” Clarke smiled tiredly. “Is it cold outside today? Your cheeks look all red.”

“It’s freezing,” Lexa confirmed, “but I got us coffee.”

Lexa grabbed one of the cups and handed it to Clarke, before taking a sip of her own. They weren’t steaming hot anymore, but they weren’t cold either. The coffee was almost a metaphor for their problems. They weren’t steaming mad anymore, but they weren’t out of the heat just yet either. They were caught in a reality that was more fragile than either one of them knew how to handle, but they were trying and that was the most important thing, losing one battle seemed insignificant compared to winning the war. 

And Lexa was more determined than ever to win the war, she just needed to figure out a way to go about it. 

“Lexa,” Clarke whispered softly, looking down at the cup in her hand, “kiss me.”

“What?” Lexa questioned, almost certain that she had misheard Clarke’s request, but she sat down her cup of coffee anyway.

“Kiss me,” Clarke repeated quietly, setting her coffee aside as well. “You left without giving me a good morning kiss and I’d really like one now.”

Lexa’s lips found Clarke’s in a slow and tender kiss. Kissing Clarke felt new and familiar all at the same time, and when she felt Clarke’s hands tangle in the back of her hair she sighed softly into their kiss.

“That’s better,” Clarke mumbled, as she pulled back, biting her lower lip, giving Lexa a cheeky smirk.

“Much,” Lexa agreed, reaching out to let her hand cup Clarke’s cheek, and she couldn’t stop the smile that bloomed as Clarke leaned into her touch. They were mending.

“Look, Clarke, about last night,” Lexa said, catching her girlfriend’s eyes, “a lot of the things I wanted to say didn’t come out right and you deserve better than that.”

“Do we have to go there right now?” Clarke asked, exhaustion creeping into her voice and Lexa almost felt badly for brining up such a touchy subject, but they couldn’t dance around it forever, and if they wanted to move forward they need to do it with a clean slate. Past experiences had taught her well and she knew that it was better for them to get it all out in the open than to deal with each issue as it culminated.

“You don’t have to talk,” Lexa promised. “I just want you to listen. Can you do that?”

Clarke nodded, but moved away from Lexa’s touch, making the brunette nervous.

Lexa searched for the right words to say, but every word she wanted to say was stuck in her throat and her brain was failing her. She could clearly replay every rehearsed conversation in her head, but she couldn’t find a way to express her emotions to Clarke and it made her crazy. 

“You make me crazy.” Those were not the words she wanted to lead with, but there they were and they were enough to burst the bubble she had been trapped in. “I can’t stomach the thought of someone touching you body when you’re so close to my heart and I replay Niylah sliding that ring onto your finger over and over again in my mind and no matter how hard I try to stop myself, I can’t. I know that I’m the one you want, please don’t ever doubt that, but love makes people very irrational and I can’t control my emotions, but I can apologize for the behavior it causes, and you’ll never understand how truly sorry I am for leaving you. I should have trusted you to do the right thing, but I have scars, and I have insecurities, and your past with Niylah triggered some painful reminders for me.”

Lexa paused long enough to look up at Clarke, making sure she was still with her. She wanted to make sure that Clarke was really hearing her.

“I’m still working on putting myself back together, Clarke, and that isn’t going to happen overnight. You’ve been such a wonderful addition to my life and I’m so thankful that you’re still here, but sometimes your presence also makes me nervous. I’m constantly worried that if I become to dependent on you that I’ll loose myself again if you leave and that is a scary thought. I’ve fought so hard to get to where I am now and the thought of needing you, depending on you for my happiness, that scares me, because if you leave…”

“Lexa, I’m not leaving…that’s not who I am…you know that,” Clarke said, reaching out to grab the brunette’s hand.

“But that’s who I am,” Lexa cried, a tear making its way down her cheek. “I run, Clarke. When things get hard I bail, you know it and I know it, and the last thing on earth I want to do is hurt you and I hate myself for not trusting myself enough to not hurt you. I love you more than…anything…more than I’ve ever loved anyone…and it scares the living daylights out of me.”

“Sweetheart.” Clarke’s voice was firm, demanding Lexa’s attention, “could you ever do something to intentionally hurt me?”

“No,” Lexa’s reply was immediate, and Clarke nodded gently, as if she knew Lexa’s answer before it had even left her lips. “No, Clarke, I could never…”

“I know.” This time there was softness in her tone that pulled at Lexa’s heartstrings. It was as if Clarke’s heart was speaking to hers, each word poking at her in the most painful, yet wonderful way.

“I don’t expect perfection from you, Lexa,” Clarke reminded her. “When I agreed to this, when you asked me if I was sure, and I said yes, I didn’t say yes to just the good parts, babe, I said yes to everything and I know we’ve still got a lot of hurdles we need to jump, but we’ll do it together, okay? And if ever you get scared just talk to me about, please. I can’t help you if I don’t know you’re struggling.”

“But it’s a lot to take on,” Lexa said, wiping away another tear that followed in the track of the one before, “I’m a lot to take on.”

“Don’t you get it,” Clarke said, finally moving closer to Lexa. “You’re worth it. You’re worth that and so much more. I’ll be right by your side for as long as you’ll let me…just don’t push me away, baby, that’s the only urge you need to fight…. everything else is just trivial detail that we can take on together.”

Lexa took a few seconds to Clarke’s words resonate with her, and she was right. Maybe one of the first real steps Lexa needed to take was to place more faith in Clarke; after all, it had gotten her this far and where she was right now was a much better place than the one she had been in before Clarke had shown up in her life. It didn’t matter that she wasn’t fully where she needed to be, because life wasn’t always a straight road; that was one brutal lesson that she had been taught in the past year. 

“Why are you the one making speeches when I’m the one who was trying to apologize?” They both chuckled and Clarke pulled Lexa into a tight hug, her hand sneaking under Lexa’s shirt to rest on her lower back.

“We both know I’m awesome with words,” Clarke mumbled into Lexa’s neck, placing a tender kiss on the skin her lips brushed against.

“Unless it’s in front of a crowd,” Lexa teased, making Clarke shove her onto her back, looking at her with pretend outrage.

“I can’t believe you’re cracking jokes right now,” Clarke said, climbing on top of the other doctor, pinning her underneath her. “I tell you about one of the most embarrassing times in my life and you choose this moment to make fun of me? You’re not as nice as I’ve been led to believe.”

Lexa felt Clarke intertwine their fingers and push them above her head, holding them in place against the pillows, making Lexa’s heartbeat quicken.

“You know I love you, though, right?” The huskiness of Lexa’s voice darkened the color of Clarke’s eyes and she moved her head a little closer to Lexa’s. It was beyond exciting to see how three small words, how telling somebody you love them, could have such a huge effect on them and it made Lexa want to repeat those words over and over again. 

“Do you now?” Clarke smirked, kissing Lexa’s neck, “a little or a whole lot?”

Lexa turned her head to the side, offering Clarke more naked skin to explore. “A whole lot…way more than yesterday and yesterday was a whole, whole lot.”

“I’m liking the sound of that,” Clarke chuckled, kissing her way towards Lexa’s lips. The heat that rolled between them made Lexa’s hips buck, seeking Clarke’s, and the groan that left Lexa’s lips as their hips made contact was the cue Clarke needed to claim Lexa’s lips in a heated kiss, her tongue sneaking out to play with Lexa’s.

Last night had been all about frustration and not about forgiveness and love, but Lexa could feel it in the way Clarke was kissing her now that this was her way of trying to fix part of what they had broken. Clarke lips were slow and attentive and the hands that clung to hers were gentle yet firm.

“You’re wearing too much clothes,” Clarke mumbled, breaking their kiss long enough to sit back and grab the hem of Lexa’s shirt to pull it over her head. 

“That needs to go, too.” Lexa barely knew what had happened before her bra landed on the floor, probably somewhere close to where her shirt had ended up.

“You happy now?” Lexa asked, looking up at Clarke, whose eyes were roaming her naked upper body.

“Almost,” Clarke commented, pulling her own t-shirt over her head, leaving her in only a pair of panties, “now I’m happy.”

“Me, too,” Lexa smirked, making Clarke laugh.

“You’re impossible,” Clarke whispered against Lexa’s lips.

Lexa clung to Clarke as she explored her body. The fingertips that moved across her skin left Goosebumps in their wake and every touch felt exhilarating. It was the first time in her life that Lexa had ever completely given up control, but it was as if Clarke had cast a spell on her and all she could do was lie back and trust Clarke to bring them both the kind of pleasure they were seeking from each other’s presence; the kind of pleasure she only seemed to find when she was with Clarke.

Lexa had never truly believed in soulmates, but ever since Clarke had shown up in Castine she had been forced to reconsider a lot of her previous beliefs and perhaps this was another one of them. Maybe your soulmate was the one person you knew you’d happily sacrifice your own happiness for for the sake of theirs. It was a comforting thought, one that made Lexa’s heart swell with love for Clarke, because deep down she truly knew that there wasn’t anything she wouldn’t give to make sure Clarke was happy, but Lexa was only just starting to learn how to love again, and she knew she would have to crawl before she could walk, but every step in the right direction was worth every tough lesson that was bound to come their way.

They were both so consumed by one another that they didn’t hear the first or the second knock on their door; it wasn’t until Clarke’s father’s voice boomed through it that they both froze in place.

“Clarke, are you up yet?” Jake asked, knocking on the door again. “Mom and I are leaving for the hospital in fifteen minutes, do you want to come?”

Clarke’s lips left Lexa’s hipbone and the brunette had to bite her lip hard to suppress the groan that tried to escape her lips. She grabbed the pillow next to her and placed it over her head, mumbling a string of words into in, making Clarke chuckle.

“I better go talk to him,” Clarke whispered, placing one last kiss against Lexa’s stomach, before leaving the bed. Even though she couldn’t see her, Lexa could hear Clarke looking for her clothes. It made her pout.

This was not where she had seen this morning heading.

“You’re still pouting,” Clarke whispered an hour later, kissing the tender skin beneath Lexa’s ear, as if to cover up why she was so close to her. Lexa could see Clarke’s dad looking back at them and she feared he could hear them, too, given the fact that they were confined in the tiny space on an elevator, so she didn’t dare reply, instead she shot Clarke a disbelieving stare, silently asking the blonde to knock it off, which only made Clarke chuckle.

Her morning had gone from emotional words, to what was about to be makeup sex to something that was nowhere near close to sex and right now she really wanted to have some alone time with Clarke, but she was also aware that they were in Boston for a reason and despite the fact that she and Clarke had a lot to work on and make up for, Clarke also had a sister whose situation was also weighing heavily on her mind, and she would and could respect that.

When the elevator doors opened Clarke’s parents stepped through them first and as soon as they were out of sight Lexa turned towards Clarke with a pleading look on her face. “Can we play nice today?”

“Nice?” Clarke asked with fake pretend. “What do you mean? I’m always nice.”

“Clarke, I really want your parents to like me, and even though they’ve known me for a couple of days they’re still new to us and I just don’t want to give them anymore reasons not to like me, please,” Lexa asked sincerely, grabbing Clarke wrist, stopping her dead in her tracks. “Right now they barely know me and what they’ve seen so far hasn’t been impressive, so could you please try to help me fix that?”

The sigh that left Clarke’s lips made Lexa’s stomach turn into knots, but seconds later she found herself being pulled into an empty supply closet. Ever since she’d left the bed an hour earlier she’d been hoping to find herself in one of these, but she was one hundred percent sure she wasn’t in one right now for the reasons she wanted to be.

“All my parents have seen so far is someone who cares very much about me, Lexa. The first night we got here you sat up all night, so I could sleep with my head in your lap and you’ve barely left my side since, honey. You messed up, okay? And yes, I was mad at you and upset with you and they probably know that you left for the airport, because lord knows that the jungle drums are loud in my family, but they’re also human, Lexa, and they know you did it for the right reasons and at the end of the day you’re standing right here…they’ll see that for what it is, I promise,” Clarke calmly explained, running her hands up and down Lexa’s arms, trying to relax the tense and worried brunette in front of her.

“You’re wonderful,” Lexa sighed, leaning into her girlfriend for a quick kiss, “thank you for dealing with my crazy.”

“Just try to keep it in mind for the future when we have to go to big family events,” Clarke chuckled, before kissing Lexa’s forehead. “There’ll come a day where you’re the one dealing with people who are a little crazy.”

“I’ll make a note of it,” Lexa laughed softly, pulling Clarke in for one last kiss before she turned the doorknob and followed Clarke back out of the closet.

“Wow!” Lexa heard a familiar voice say, making her turn around, coming face to face with Wells and Monte. “You two have barely been at the hospital for five minutes and you’re already sneaking off into supply closets. Griffin, that’s old school. I like it.”

Lexa didn’t miss the grin that spread on the two men’s lips, and the blush that colored her cheeks was impossible to hide. She hadn’t felt this much like a teenager in years and even though Wells was only teasing she still couldn’t help but feel a little emotionally exposed and it made her anxious.

It was barely noon and she couldn’t wait for this day to be over. She’d been caught twice in one day and it made her wonder how bad her karma really was. 

“I’m sure you do,” Clarke commented dryly, putting her arm around Lexa’s waist. “At least one of us is getting some. Don’t be a hater just because you’re a bench warmer.”

“Clarke!” Lexa all but shrieked.

“Actually, I just nailed a nurse in that very same supply room last night,” Wells retaliated, making everyone’s jaw drop. “Tall, brunette, legs for days, huge boobs…”

“You nailed Harper’s nurse?!” Monte and Clarke said in unison, their voices loud enough to turn a few heads.

“That’s like the biggest no no there is, Wells,” Clarke whispered angrily.

As amusing as Lexa found Clarke and Wells’ outrage she couldn’t help but agree with them; sleeping with a nurse really wasn’t the brightest thing Wells had done since they’d gotten here, but then again, as much as she liked Clarke’s best friend, he didn’t really strike her as the type who always thought with his head.

“She came onto me,” Wells tried to justify it, but the shrug that followed made it pretty obvious that he didn’t really care too much whether they believed him or not. “Besides, if I was Lexa and Harper I’d be pretty upset that the two of you knew who I was talking about from that description alone…just saying.”

Those words stopped both Clarke and Monte in their tracks and Lexa smirked when she saw her girlfriend blush.

“If I was you, Woods, I wouldn’t sleep with her for at least a week just to get back at her,” Wells said, pulling Lexa away from Clarke and under his arm. “You just stick with me, kid, and I’ll teach you how to deal with her when she’s being impossible.”

“Don’t you give her any ideas,” Clarke scolded her friend, as Wells turned them around and started walking them in the direction of Harper’s room and away from Clarke and Monte.

In all honesty she hadn’t expected Wells to warm back up to her as quickly as he seemed to have. Maybe she really was just an out from what could have been an awkward situation, but the fact of the matter was that she was still walking with the man who had given her the speech of a lifetime yesterday when she had been about to make the biggest mistake of her life and she had feared that it would take him quite a while to warm back up to her.

“Did you really nail Harper’s nurse?” Lexa asked quietly, as they walked down the hall 

“Nope,” Wells laughed, “but did you see the look on their faces? It was absolutely priceless and now they’re going to walk around grumbling about that instead of worrying about Harper, which has been draining them both for days now, and we both know that sometimes it’s healthy to take your mind of things for a few minutes even if it’s just to be annoyed at something else.”

“You really are more than just a pretty face, huh?” Lexa wondered out loud, looking up at Wells, who winked back at her. She almost felt bad for jumping to conclusions earlier, but then again, just because he got this one right, didn’t mean that he wouldn’t have done it if the opportunity had been there.

They had barely reached Harper’s room, before Lexa felt someone else grab onto her arm; this time it was Maya.

“Do you have a second?” she asked politely.

“Yeah, sure,” Lexa said, letting go of Wells and kissing Clarke quickly on the cheek, before she followed Maya to the vending machines, preparing herself for another speech.

“Look, Lexa, please don’t be mad at me.” Those weren’t the words Lexa had expected to hear, and she crossed her arms in front of her chest, bracing herself for what was to come. “I’m not a meddler, okay, well, a little bit I am, at least when it comes to my friends, but you have to understand that I’m doing it for the right reasons, so when I say this just keep in mind that I’m doing it for you, too, okay?”

“Okay,” Lexa agreed hesitantly. She had no idea where Maya was going with this. “What’s up?”

“I may have made a few phone calls,” Maya said it so quickly that Lexa almost didn’t catch her words. “I know it’s not my place to do so, but I called the two top hospitals in Seattle and told them that if they were in the market for an amazing peds attending that they should take you into consideration…”

“You did what?” Lexa questioned, looking at Maya with disbelief. Part of her was beyond flattered that someone as amazing as Maya had recommend her to two hospitals as amazing as those in Seattle, even though she’d done it before, but another part of her felt uneasy that there was someone meddling with her life, when all Lexa so desperately wanted was to have control back.

“Like I said; it goes beyond meddling to do something like that and you should never make a career choice based on personal relationships, but I just thought that you and Clarke deserved the chance to, I don’t know, at least have a shot at a happy ending. You promised me that you’d look out for Clarke’s best interest and it’s in Clarke’s best interest to go to Seattle…now I’m just giving you the option to follow her…that’s all…” Lexa felt as if all blood had been drained from her body, and Maya’s words kept replying over and over again in her head.

“I…” Lexa stuttered, “I don’t know what to say right now.”

“You don’t have to say anything,” Maya assured her. “No one is expecting you to make any decisions right now, and we don’t have to say anything to Clarke, but I just thought you should know. It’s only fair that you get some time to process this information first. It is just as much about your future as it is about Clarke’s and if you see yourself doing better being somewhere else then that’s what you should do, but please know that you have options.”

Lexa wanted to chuckle at Maya’s careless description. She had given her so much more than options; she had basically just given her a future with Clarke on a silver platter and while she had no doubt in her mind about how much she loved Clarke and how strongly she felt about them, and their potential future together, there was still a voice in the back of her mind that reminded her that saying yes to something like the opportunity that Maya was offering was a huge jump and she didn’t know if she was ready to jump yet.

Her life had been turned upside down too many times in one year and she didn’t know if she had it in her to rattle the box again within such a short amount of time. It had taken Clarke showing up to get her back on track, but if she agreed to do this she was putting all her eggs in one basket and the idea that she could potentially lose everything she had worked so hard for terrified her, but at the same time…

There was also the chance that this was the jump she needed to take to finally get back on her own two feet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gasp! She updated a day early! I know, I know lol but I just got the sweetest comment from one of y'all, so I thought why not =)
> 
> As always - thank you so much for reading, and for leaving kudos and comments - they're much appreciated =) 
> 
> Hope you guys liked the chapter =)


	14. Chapter 14

“It’s not going to work, Wells,” Clarke said in a sing-a-song voice, looking at Wells with quirked eyebrows and a smile on her lips. “No woman wants to be hit on before she’s even finished her morning coffee. Really, you’re setting yourself up for failure. Can you even recount all the times this number has gotten you slapped?”

Judging from the expression on Wells’ face, he could not.

“So, let me get this straight,” Lexa chimed in, the disbelief written all over her face, no doubt a result of Wells’ stupid plans. Clarke grinned at her cuteness and placed an arm around Lexa’s shoulders. The brunette had a lot to learn when it came to Wells. “You’re going to go over there…to that woman…and you’re going to ask her if she wants to have breakfast with you one day before you leave town…”

Wells nodded, looking oddly proud. Maya, who was sitting next to him, shook her head and rolled her eyes, before flipping another page in her newspaper.

“and!,” Lexa exclaimed, “then you’re going to ask her if you should “call her” or “nudge her”?”

“Pretty much,” Wells admitted, looking thoughtful.

The ten-second-jaw-drop that followed made Clarke laugh. She could practically see the wheels turning in Lexa’s head. She, on the other hand, was used to Wells’ stupid and slightly cocky plans; yet they never failed to amuse her. 

“It’s people like you, isn’t it,” Lexa mused, tilting her head as she studied Wells.

“People like me?” Wells wondered out loud, sipping his coffee slowly, not looking too concerned with whatever was about to come out of the brunette’s mouth.

“That turns straight women gay.” That little line made both Clarke and Wells choke on their coffee, but Lexa kept on unabashedly, while they tried to swallow their coffee instead of spraying it all over the table.

“I know it’s not technically biologically possible, but, shit, Wells, with lines like that I couldn’t blame anyone of they sought refuge in the land of lady-loving after a pickup attempt like that,” Lexa stated and Clarke couldn’t help but to love the open and carefree attitude Lexa had around her friends. She absolutely adored how well Lexa handled Wells.

“Say what you will, it has to work one day,” Wells argued, putting down his coffee cup to grab a napkin and wipe his mouth. “You have to stay optimistic, Woods. That nay-sayer vibe you have going on right now is not going to get you laid.”

“I got laid this morning,” Lexa announced, casually looking down at her watch. “In fact, it’s only been an hour and nine minutes since I…”

“Okaaay,” Clarke said, promptly shutting her girlfriend up with a kiss. “He doesn’t need to know the details, honey.”

Normally she wasn’t shy about her sexual exploits when she was around Maya and Wells, but, somehow, when it was sex between her and Lexa it was different. She didn’t want to cheapen it be blabbering about the details, no matter how amazing it was, and if she was being honest; this morning had been rather delightful. The mere thought brought a warm blush to her cheeks.

“I liked you a whole lot more when you were nicer to me, Woods,” Wells said good-humoredly, as he pretended to be hurt by her words. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I recall that you ladies doubted my abilities to persuade a certain woman to have breakfast with me and I’m about to go prove you wrong.”

Clarke watched him as he scooted out of the booth and stood up. She had a gut feeling that Wells was doing this to put a smile on her face. The last couple of weeks had been rough on everyone and if there was one thing Wells was good for, it putting a smile on her face during impossible times.

Deep down he was one of the best and most genuine people Clarke had ever met, and she truly appreciated him – despite the fact that she had days where she wanted to strangle him.

She turned her head slightly and kissed Lexa’s temple, sighing contently, before picking up her coffee cup. 

”Ten bucks says she’s gonna slap him,” Clarke said, taking another sip of her coffee as she leaned back in her chair and watched Wells move towards a woman sitting by herself in a chair a couple of tables away from their booth. 

“You really think she’s going to slap him?” Lexa chuckled, sinking furthering into Clarke’s side. Lexa intertwined their fingers and Clarke could feel Lexa’s thumb gently playing on the back of her hand, almost mindlessly, like it was just an old habit she had developed after years of being together when in reality it had only been a few days.

“She’s gonna slap him,” Maya said calmly, barely looking up from the newspaper spread out in front of her, but Clarke couldn’t help but to notice the sly grin playing on Maya’s lips. It was enough to make her smirk. 

“But that’s a little bit over the top, isn..”

“Oh, here we go, here we go,” Clarke said, interrupting Lexa before she could finish her sentence. She had seen this particular pick-up line of Wells’ go wrong one too many times and the girl who was about to be on the receiving end of Wells’ charm didn’t strike Clarke as the type who would necessarily be terribly receptive to it.

Across the café Clarke watched as Wells gestured towards the available chair at the woman’s table. She was almost a little surprised when the brunette nodded and smiled at Wells; normally he never got this far, but, then again, Wells was a good looking guy and on those occasions where he could keep a filter on his mouth he was rather charming. However, Clarke knew that what was about to leave his mouth was nowhere close to charming; it was downright ridiculous.

Clarke was practically embarrassed about the rush of excitement that went through her when Wells grabbed the woman’s hand. This was it. 

“One,” Clarke counted gleefully.

“Two,” Maya added, sending Wells a glance over the top of her glasses.

“Three…” Clarke had barely managed to finish the countdown, before she watched as a hand connected with Wells’ cheek, turning quite a few heads, at the sound ringing through the café.

It happened every time.

Clarke fought hard to stifle her laughter, as she watched the woman who had just left a handprint on Wells’ cheek hastily pack up her things, before heading for the door, but not without casting Wells one last disgusted look over her shoulder. Clarke had her bottom lip trapped firmly between her teeth as she tried to suppress her laughter as Wells took the walk of shame back to their booth. Even from quite a few feet away she could easily see the red handprint of Wells’ cheek and as much as he probably did deserve it, Clarke couldn’t help but feel slightly bad for him; it had to sting.

“You can’t win them all,” Wells commented sulkily, as he sat back down next to Maya, who was having an equally hard time keeping the amused smirk off her face. Only Lexa looked somewhat sympathetic to Wells’ failure.

“Better luck next time,” Maya said teasingly, and this time Clarke couldn’t stop the laughter from spilling out. 

She looked at Wells with an apologetic look on her face, but her laughter only grew when he pretended to be hurt by her teasing. She could feel Lexa’s shoulders shake a little bit as a chuckle left her mouth, and Clarke couldn’t help but turn and plant a delicate kiss against Lexa’s neck. These moments of lightness had been rare ever since they arrived in Boston. 

Clarke felt like she had been walking around in a cloud of doom for the longest time and it had taken its toll on her.

She tightened her grip on Lexa and sighed contently. For the past few days Lexa had been uncharacteristically quite and introspective, and it didn’t take a lot for Clarke to figure out that something was brewing in that pretty head of hers, but Clarke couldn’t find it in herself to push her. Maybe it was naïve of her to let things be and hope that whatever was troubling her girlfriend she’d eventually find it in herself to share with her, but for now Clarke was okay with letting things be.

“Wow, she really took a proper swing at you,” Lexa commented, reaching across the table to gently take a hold of Wells’ chin and turn his head to get a proper look at the print flaming on his cheek. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Wells said dryly, rubbing the joint of his jaw to ease the throbbing. He truly did look like he was hurting a bit. “I think I’ll live to see another day, what do you reckon, doc?”

There was a certain glim in Wells’ eye and Clarke smiled at him. Wells had always been a good sport, especially when it came to things like this. There was no denying that he was rather successful when it came to ladies, but even on the few occasions that he wasn’t he never really seemed to take it to heart. It was all just a bit of fun to him. At times Clarke admired him for his carefree attitude, but sometimes she also worried that his live-and-let-live attitude when it came to dating was also holding him back from really finding someone who had the potential to be more than just a one night stand.

“I think your odds are reasonable,” Lexa said good-humoredly, shaking her head at him. “But I do think that you need to reevaluate how you want to go about picking up women. We don’t want you to end up with a concussion if someone decides to really put her arm into it one day.”

“Hey,” Wells said, pretending to be hurt by Lexa’s criticism, but his playful tone and the smile on his face gave away that he was anything but. “No need to be harsh. It’s not like you could do any better.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. If there was one thing Lexa couldn’t resist it was a challenge and Clarke knew that she would undoubtedly rise to Wells’. Her girlfriend was a fighter in more ways than one and, if she was being honest, it was a trait of hers that she usually adored, but she wasn’t sure how she felt about Wells having caught on to one of Lexa’s weak spots, because, unlike her, she knew that Wells would have no trouble using it to push her buttons and get her to play his games.

“I so could,” Lexa stated confidently. As childish as Clarke thought it was, she felt her heart swell when she saw a smug and confident glim race across her girlfriend’s eyes. Oh, dear. Hook, line and sinker. Wells had gotten what he wanted.

“I don’t know, Woods,” Wells said teasingly, looking her up and down. “You don’t really strike me as the kind of girl who has the guts to go up and flirt with someone you don’t know, but, hey, maybe I’m reading that wrong.”

“I’ll have you know that I used to do very well with women,” Lexa said boldly. “Back in Med school I’m betting I could even have given you a good run for your money. So, I wouldn’t be so cocky if I was you.”

Wells leaned across the table, looking Lexa directly in the eye. “I’m thinking you need to put your money where your mouth is. You and I – mano e mano – we’ll each pick one gir…”

“Umm, no,” Clarke interrupted Wells, waving a hand in front of Lexa and Wells’ faces. “Remember me? Lexa’s girlfriend? Does that ring a bell with the two of you?”

“But Clarke,” Wells protested, looking slightly dejected. Almost like a child who had just been told no by his parents.

“No but, Wells,” Clarke said sternly. “You’re not using my girlfriend for this little game of yours.”

“She’s a grownup,” Wells added as one last attempt to get what he wanted. “She can make her own decisions.”

Clarke turned her head to look at Lexa who looked truly conflicted, but Clarke’s raised eyebrows made it abundantly clear that there was only one right decision to be made. “Do you have anything to add, babe?”

“No,” Lexa said, sinking back in her chair, while taking another sip of her coffee. “Nothing.”

“You could always just let Lexa pick up someone by using Wells as some sort of stuntman,” Maya commented, finally closing her newspaper.

“Umm, what?” Clarke questioned, looking at Maya as if she had grown an extra head. Wells and Lexa on the other hand looked to be all ears. Clarke rolled her eyes at the hopeful look that flashed across Wells’ face and she could all too well imagine that a similar one must have crossed Lexa’s. 

“Yeah,” Maya continued confidently. “Why don’t we let Lexa work her magic, but instead of having Lexa do the actual work we let Wells do the dirty work. So in honor of this whole pick-up line theme we seem to have going on this morning, why don’t Lexa tell us what her best pick-up line is and we’ll have Wells try it on someone?”

Wells laughed and Lexa smirked, both suitably impressed with Maya’s suggestion and as much as Clarke wanted to protest she was having a hard time finding any reasons as to why they couldn’t go about it this way. Sometimes she really, really disliked Maya and her quick thinking.

“That…that sounds fun,” Clarke finally conceded, before turning to her girlfriend. “So, pray tell, babe…how do you go about picking up women?”

It was said in a teasing and friendly tone, but Lexa could clearly hear the thin layer of uncertainty beneath. Clarke may had agreed to this little arrangement, but there was still a part of her that wasn’t too crazy about the thought of having Lexa pick up other women, even if she wouldn’t be directly involved in it.

“Well,” Lexa said flirtingly, this time looking straight into Clarke’s eyes, “normally, all I do is give them a little smile, you know, it’s all about balance, not too big, not too smug, and I’m in like Flynn, but if you must know I do have a bit of game…”

Clarke’s eyes wandered back and forth between Lexa’s lips and her eyes. Damn, her and her irresistibly good looks. As much as Clarke knew that Lexa was probably just playing cocky for the sake of this little scene, she also knew that there was some ounce of truth behind her words. She did have an amazing smile after all and Clarke wouldn’t be too surprised if she’d been able to charm her way into more than one pair of pants by using that little weapon of hers.

“Game, huh?” Clarke wondered, raising an eyebrow as if she challenged the statement.

“Yeah,” Lexa said, giving Clarke a quick kiss on the cheek.

She looked around the café, before her eyes settled on a girl standing in line to get her morning coffee. “Take that girl over there.” The other three followed Lexa’s gaze until they landed on the girl Lexa had picked out. “If she’s gay, and single of course, I could undoubtedly get her to give me her phone number before she leaves.”

“Yeah, right,” Wells scoffed, eying up and down the stunning brunette Lexa had picked out. “She looks way too uptight to even consider giving her number to a stranger. Nice try, Woods.”

“Want to bet?” Lexa dared, sounding more confident than Clarke had ever heard her. This Lexa was nothing like the Lexa Clarke had met months ago in Maine. That Lexa would never have been up for a game like this and Clarke quietly marveled at the difference between now and then and she couldn’t deny that she secretly loved that Lexa was starting to truly come out of her shell.

“Wait, wait,” Maya interrupted. “What does the winner get?”

“Well, he get’s a hot girl’s phone number and I get the satisfaction of being right, but in the interest of keeping this interesting why don’t we say that the loser pays for breakfast?” Lexa suggested, making Clarke chuckle, she really hoped that Lexa was able to put her money where her mouth is, but knowing the brunette, she probably was. 

“What do you have in mind, Wodos?” Wells asked, crossing his arms and leaning back in his seat.

“You’re going to go over to that girl over there and then you’re going to say that we, meaning Maya, Clarke and myself dared you to go talk to the most beautiful girl in the place, because we didn’t think you would have the guts to and then you’re going to ask her if she will let you buy her a coffee with our money and maybe continue this little conversation, “ Lexa said confidently, before taking another sip of her coffee.

“That’s it?” Wells questioned skeptically. “That’s your big pick-up line?”

“That’s it,” Lexa admitted. “Hasn’t failed me yet.”

This time Clarke felt the need to chime in. “And just exactly how many times have you used this line of yours, huh, honey?”

Lexa laughed. “Not that many, I promise. Besides, what does it matter? The only girl that I want it already mine and she is far more beautiful than any other girl I’ve ever seen, so you have absolutely nothing to worry about.”

“Try to keep it in your pants, Woods,” Wells commented dryly, breaking the little moment. “I swear to God, Woods, if this scrawny, sad pick-up line of yours fails and I get slapped for a second time today then you better buy my a coffee to go or the very least a scone.”

“Even you can’t mess this up,” Lexa reassured him, sounding every bit convinced that this was a foolproof plan. Clarke wasn’t too sure, however, because even if she did find Lexa’s line cute, she knew that there was a big difference between having someone like Wells use it compared to her cute girlfriend.

“One day you’ll thank me,” Lexa whispered cockily, digging a twenty-dollar bill out of her purse as Wells got up. “Here you go.”

Wells took the bill, waving it in the air. “Wish me luck, ladies.” 

All three women watched with excitement as Wells moved towards the girl picked out for him. The woman really was rather stunning, far better looking than the previous one, and as handsome as Wells was Clarke did fear that he was out of his league with this one. Most women fell easily for him charm, but there was something about tough, business women with more than two peanuts for brains, that somehow always managed to pick up on the lack of sincerity behind his come-on’s.

Clarke looked on with quirked eyebrows as she watched Wells introduce himself to the woman standing in line and admittedly she was more than a little surprised when Wells got a smile from the woman standing in front of him.

“Wave,” Lexa muttered under her breath as Wells pointed towards them, probably letting her know that they were the ones who had dared him to go talk to her.

Clarke gave the couple a half wave, unable to hide her smirk. “It’s actually working.”

“Told you it would,” Lexa said cockily. “If he fucks this up he’s doing it on purpose.”

“He just might,” Maya chuckled, poking at the stack of pancakes in front of her. They were already cold. “Wells is scarily good at putting his foot in his mouth. Some days I can’t decide if I think it’s impressive or just downright sad.”

Clarke laughed. “Yeah, for someone so brilliant you’d think he’d be able to filter his thoughts a little better, wouldn’t you?”

“As long as he sticks to the plan, he’ll be good,” Lexa insisted. “It’s looking good so far, right?”  
Both Maya and Clarke nodded. So far Wells hadn’t returned to the table with a handprint on the side of his face and no matter what that was a definite improvement. So even if it didn’t work out at least Lexa pick-up line was more successful than the one he had tried earlier this morning. They watched the couple for another ten minutes before Wells finally returned to the table.

“No luck?” Maya questioned, since part of the plan had been for him to continue their talk at their own table, but instead the woman had left shortly after Wells had bought her a coffee.

“Actually,” Wells grinned cheekily, turning his cup in his hand so the women could see the backside, which had a series of digits written on it. “She gave me her number. She has a meeting with a client in twenty minutes. That’s why she had to take off, but she told me to give her a call later.”

“Are you going to?” Clarke wondered out loud.

“Yeah, why not.” Wells shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal, but Clarke wasn’t blind, and it was pretty obvious that Wells definitely thought she was attractive. “We still have a couple of days before we go back to Maine to pick up our stuff and then another week or two before we need to start looking for somewhere to live in Seattle, right? So having lunch with a beautiful woman to kill some time can’t hurt, right?”

Clarke’s stomach turned at the mention of Seattle. It was still something that her and Lexa had yet to discuss and it made her uncomfortable the way Lexa’s body tensed against hers. They would have to talk about it sooner rather than later and Clarke was not looking forward to it. Not after they had just gotten back together and were still in a slightly fragile state. Something like this would be a make or break question, even for couples that had been together for years, and Lexa and Clarke had yet to even be together for a month. It was a tricky situation.

“No, it can’t hurt,” Clarke agreed, doing her best to muster a smile. “What’s her name?”

“Olivia Holden,” Wells answered, sitting back down next to Maya. “She’s a real-estate agent here in Boston. She has a meeting with a client about a new development project coming up soon, so that’s why she was in such a hurry.”

“I have to say she’s a far cry from the bimbos you usually go for,” Maya commented, looking fairly impressed by Wells’ change of style.

“I’ve slept with the two of you,” Wells commented casually, pointing back and forth between Maya and Clarke. “So I’d be careful about what you say.”

“You disgust me sometimes,” Clarke said bitterly, making Wells laugh. “Did you really have to go there?”

“I’m just saying,” he defended himself, still unable to keep from laughing at Maya and Clarke who both looked like they wanted to give him a handprint to match the one he got earlier. 

“Okay, ewww, please stop,” Lexa pleaded, putting down her cup and pushing her already finished breakfast further away from herself. “That’s my girlfriend you’re talking about there and I’d really like to not think about your boy parts anywhere near her girl parts when I’m sitting here trying to enjoy my breakfast.”

Wells laughed even harder, but held his hands up in mock surrender. “Fine, I’ll play nice, I promise. Especially since you did win the bet.”

“Smart move,” Maya remarked dryly. “Personally, though, I’ve had enough of you for one morning, so I’m heading back to the hotel.”

“Am I really that bad?” Wells pretended to be hurt, but anyone could see that he was merely playing.

“Worse,” Maya insisted, pulling her bag onto her shoulder. “Clarke, are you coming?”

“Yeah, sure,” Clarke said, taking one last sip of her coffee before she threw her phone and purse into her bag.

“I’m sorry for stealing your girlfriend for the rest of the afternoon, but I need her help with a few things. I hope you don’t mind?” Maya said.

“It’s fine, no worries,” Lexa promised, before standing up to give Clarke a kiss goodbye. “I’ll see you back at the hotel, later, yeah?”

“Absolutely,” Clarke confirmed. “Are you going to be able to handle Wells for the rest of the day?”

Lexa laughed. “Yeah, I think I’ll manage. He’s not that scary.”

Just as Clarke and Maya were about the leave the table Lexa grabbed Clarke’s hand, pulling her back. Her grip on Clarke’s hand was gentle and the blush that raced across her face as Clarke caught her eyes was endearing. “Babe, when you get back do you think we could have a talk?”

“A talk?” Clarke questioned, scrunching her eyebrows. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, of course. I just have a few things I need to talk to you about.” The nervousness in Lexa’s voice made Clarke’s heart drop, despite how reassuring she had tried to be.

“Okay,” Clarke sighed, trying to smile at Lexa. “As soon as I get back I’m all yours and we can talk about whatever you want.” 

“Deal,” Lexa agreed before giving Clarke one last kiss.

“What was that about?” Maya questioned as Clarke caught up to her at the door. They both looked back at Wells and Lexa who were still sitting at the booth they had just left.

“I don’t know,” Clarke admitted honestly. “She wants to talk when I get back this afternoon.”

“Did she say what she wanted to talk about?” Maya probed gently.

“No,” Clarke answered. “She’s been pretty quiet for the past few days, almost as if there’s something on her mind.”

“Do you think it’s bad?” Maya asked, looking genuinely worried.

“I hope not,” Clarke sighed, as she closed the door behind them to the warm café only to be met with Boston cold morning air.

God, she really hoped not.

**Author's Note:**

> http://my-northern-hemisphere.tumblr.com - my Tumblr for anyone who knows if there's any way at all to get my work back, or for people who just want to say hi =)


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